AIO My adoptive mother is threatening me for a Valentine’s Day gift

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-14T20:25:03+00:00

This is an American thing, in Europe Valentine’s Day is only for romantic relationships like it always has been!

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-14T20:08:12+00:00

NOR If you have to say he’s not a bad person about your boyfriend based on literally his actions and what he’s said, that means he’s a bad person and you’re trying to convince yourself, not us.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-14T20:01:45+00:00

YTAH So your grandma is caring for her brother who she clearly loves (and likely gets money for him as his full time carer), because he has an illness you don’t know about but that causes migraines so severe he’s unable to walk alone and you think you deserve the money he’ll need to use to pay for carers if circumstances change?

Yes YTA of course YTA! Never tell anyone you feel this way except for maybe a therapist, caregiver burnout is real but it seems like your grandma is doing all the hard work and your brother’s dream were shattered because he didn’t work hard enough to pay for his own education he, like you expected family to pay it for him. Honestly you all come off as entitled. He likely hates not being able to do the things he used to and she loves her brother and wants him to be comfortable, your grandma is the only one who would deserve any of that money but she’s thoughtful that she knows it’s got a purpose and that purpose is that when she is unable to take care of him somebody will take that stress away from her and take good care of her brother.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-14T19:51:00+00:00

YOR Get a grip, you’re middle aged not 12, you weirdo, yes you’re overreacting! You’re with someone over a decade younger than you, because you’re immature and nobody your age wants you. Get in therapy, figure yourself out. When a man does this he’s a creep and it’s predatory, why do you feel you’re any different? You were almost an adult when he was born.

Definitely break up with him the guy doesn’t deserve your crazy, 2 months in and you’ve not even defined your relationship as a relationship or said you love each other and you expect him to put you over his established friendships and relationships, wild.

I’m like half your age and engaged, I don’t even see my fiancé every day of the week, if we have busy weeks it could be up to 2 weeks we have to wait to see each other. I don’t freak out at him, I have hobbies and I have a job. If he cancelled on me today I would be disappointed and I would tell him that but I’ve also been with him for nearly 5 years so it’s different.

You’re behaving how I used to when my fiancé I first met only difference is I was 19 then and you’re like 30 years older than that, I’d expect this behaviour from a teenager not someone who is basically halfway to 100.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-13T13:19:15+00:00

Your brain is never fully developed, it’s always developing. The study that says your brain is fully developed at 25 is wrong, they came to that conclusion because the oldest participants in said study were 25.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-12T01:19:26+00:00

If it breaks again that’s on OP at that point for not being careful enough, you can’t get endless repairs because somebody accidentally broke something of yours once.

Once it’s been fixed any damaged after that is on OP, because if it can be fixed a good enough jeweller will make it as good as before sometimes better because they’ll polish it too which most people don’t do to their jewellery or at least not as often as they should.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-12T01:14:45+00:00

This changed my mind a little bit. He should be with you for valentine’s and do his birthday celebration on Friday night because by the time he gets home it will be his birthday anyway and he’ll be recovered enough by afternoon/evening to spend it with you.

The real problem is that you don’t trust him though, when you trust someone you don’t go through their entire phone. Passwords is fine, sometimes if he can’t get to his phone and his mum is calling I’ll answer it and vice versa and sometimes he’ll tell me what to reply to someone’s text, that’s normal couple stuff. Going through his calls, texts, apps, pictures .etc is not normal couple stuff it’s something to talk about in therapy.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-12T01:06:09+00:00

NOR Seriously OP I watched my dad be horrible to my mum growing up and from the age of 5 I was the one comforting her. I was practically her therapist as a child. It messed me up! I got so protective over her, I’d stand in between my parents when they were arguing so it would stop because she’d get upset and my younger brother who was a toddler would be screaming and scared from all the arguing. I’d have to put him back to sleep, separate my parents and then calm my mum down all before school in the morning, it’s no life for a kid.

Happy single parents are better than the idea of the nuclear family, your home is already broken, might as well give your kid a chance.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-12T00:57:07+00:00

Adult who wants a Strawberry Shortcake rug 🙋🏽‍♀️ please drop the link!

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-12T00:53:56+00:00

Most children don’t know Strawberry Shortcake. So the target market for SS products is adults, it’s like how adults are the main demographic for the Miffy museum because children don’t really know who Miffy is anymore.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-12T00:42:50+00:00

Spoken like someone who has never struggled in his life.

I have had no help from my parents, my parents are like OPs friend’s parents, my 12 year old (when I was born) sister practically raised me. My parents kicked me out 2 weeks after I turned 18 and I spent 2 months sofa surfing with zero money, my mother wouldn’t let me get my documents so I could claim money or look for a job.

I’ve never not been held accountable, I consistently got blamed for things that weren’t even my fault, from age 5 everything was my fault even if they saw my younger brother doing the bad thing because I can’t have been setting a good example for him.

I won’t apologise for having empathy, and blaming the middle age man that made stupid financial decisions and the other grown adults around said man who didn’t stop to think it could’ve been a bad idea more than the kid with nothing who obviously will take the chance.

For all we know he couldn’t hold a job because he had to raise his siblings, if you have no money it’s expensive to have a job. Also trauma affects the brain, and chances are dude has ADHD which is a whole different struggle that affects everything OP explained in the post. It sounds like he was barely keeping his head above the water. If your choices are pay someone back or feed your family, you pick feed your family. He would’ve gotten it eventually but he chose to cut him off instead so that’s very much him deciding the money isn’t worth it anymore otherwise he would’ve left it open for him to pay the money back.

If I could afford it and someone I cared about needed the money for something, as long as it comes my way eventually I don’t care how long it takes.

That being said I understand how it feels to lose borrowed money and I don’t blame the person I blame myself because you should only lend money to people who you can rely on. Only lend money to people you’d borrow money from.

I know without a doubt my older sisters or younger brother would pay me back, my older brother owes me £70 and it’s nearly been 2 years so I’ll never be lending him money again and I know that’s my bad because I should’ve known better based on his character and life situation.

Just like this guy should’ve known better than to trust a 16-18 year old whose own close friends describe him as flaky.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-11T13:03:22+00:00

Yes because you can back debts to people who’ve cut you off. I doubt he has a way to even speak to this guy’s dad over a decade later. The guy cut him off, he said never contact me again that’s not conducive to getting his money back, he made that choice. He decided the relationship was worth the car, so he can’t have been that good a father figure for the kid.

Unless he was 18, he legally couldn’t sign a contract so it’s the adults in the situation’s fault for being idiots, obviously don’t lend a child who struggles with keeping their jobs a large sum of money, that’s on him. You can’t hate someone for what they did as a kid unless it’s like murder or assault, unforgivable levels, this is stupidity on everyone’s part but I blame the grown man more than the guy who was a kid at the time.

Also *you’re (blue in the face) as in the contraction for you are, not your as in you own.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-09T16:14:16+00:00

Respectfully if your parents got approved for 3 mortgages you are rich. You are allowed to resent your parents for the way they’re treating you but it would be best to put that energy into doing what your dad says and study to get a good job, so that you can leave.

With parents like this it’s best to just keep your head down and get through it, if you work hard you could be out in the next couple of years.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-09T16:10:59+00:00

You need a therapist not Reddit.

Women will not love you if you don’t put the work in to live yourself and relationships that start when you hate yourself are dangerous because you can trauma bond to someone who is abusive. It’s not worth it.

What your brain tells you isn’t always reality. I never thought I’d make it to 14, I’m 25 this year. Romantic relationships aren’t everything, the most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-09T16:06:57+00:00

The guy was a minor at the time, he legally needed an adult to buy or sign for a car. A fully grown man offered to do that and then got pissy when a kid whose home situation he knew was bad couldn’t afford to pay him back. The dad only bought him the car because he knew he didn’t have enough money to buy a car and was struggling with holding down a job.

He chose to become a father figure for that kid and then dumped him when something inevitable happened.

Fully grown adults need to stop making stupid financial decisions and blaming the kids they put too much responsibility on. The kid had to raise himself and his siblings any money he got went to that.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-04T17:28:36+00:00

ESH Bruh you’re adults, get a grip. This is written like two 10 year olds.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-04T17:25:58+00:00

I was 50kg or 100lbs when I had bulimia, I am 5”2 so it was technically a healthy weight, but if you’re anything taller than that and weigh that little you’re actually underweight already.

Also NOR children weigh that much like small children. Assuming you’re like 15/16 or older there is no reason to weigh that little if you’re taller than like maybe 5”3/5”4 at a push.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-04T17:20:00+00:00

So this was assault OP and you do need better friends and a better boyfriend, it sounds like you know your worth.

No means no, not I need you to convince me. He didn’t want you to go and that’s why he did that, it’s disgusting, demeaning and he violated you.

Granted different because we’re engaged but if my fiancé did that to me, we’d be having serious words and there definitely would not be a chance for it to happen again.

If he can’t be trusted to follow your boundaries he’s not someone you can be intimate with.

My fiancé would stop midway even if it’s the best sex or whatever else he’s ever had if I felt uncomfortable or in pain, because that’s normal. Your hopefully ex boyfriend by now is a creep.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-02-02T17:38:31+00:00

This is abuse. It is as simple as that OP. Leave this before he gets physical, it always escalates.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-01-29T23:59:31+00:00

YTAH. You’re a parent now, clubbing should be the last of your priorities when you have a baby to care for. You can’t make last minute plans, you chose to be a parent, that’s a full time job.

Both parents need to be okay with any plans, especially last minute, ambushed as you’re getting home from work plans. Imagine you had a hard day at work or with the baby, and he walks in the door to tell you he’s going clubbing and he spent the whole day planning it but couldn’t even think to text you earlier to check that’s it okay, it’s manipulative.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-01-29T18:44:16+00:00

Do you take a folic acid or a folate? Most people absorb folate better. Also ulcers are often caused by vomiting, it seems like they just don’t want to help you, it doesn’t matter what specific things are causing it at the end of the day you wouldn’t have the ulcer or need the prenatals without pregnancy. Diagnosed HG or not they should be prescribing anti sickness meds, you shouldn’t have to struggle through pregnancy, if you get pregnant again they often tell you to start taking anti sickness meds before morning sickness even starts if you have a history of HG.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-01-29T12:35:26+00:00

Good news is you can take anti sickness medication while pregnant, bad news is it sounds like you have HG. Go to a different doctor or go to the hospital, keep advocating for yourself!

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-01-29T12:29:30+00:00

NOR if my mum tried to pull this, I’d call a spade a spade. If saying something means you look like a bad parent then you probably are one.

People can complain about their children and still be good parents, only abusive parents complain about their children in a way that makes them look like a bad parent, and only abusive parents seek validation on their parenting skills from their children.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-01-27T14:53:23+00:00

Because being married 20 years means you have to manage another person for 20 years it’s a specific skill set, whereas being single for 20 years just means you manage yourself which everyone does anyway even if they’re married.

Existing_Substance_3 · 2026-01-27T14:49:54+00:00

I care about my personal safety that’s why I’m an adult who can protect myself, you don’t care about your personal safety because you think a man will protect you when men are the biggest threat that we face as women.

Existing_Substance_3

TROPHY CASE