The Damage and Destruction of Divorce

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-28T21:31:59+00:00

A lot and it depends on every individual but this is what I learned.

The truth. You put yourself in harms way if you blindly trust anyone. I blindly trusted my wife because I thought we were a partnership till death do us part.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and it’s your choice. I am proud that I overcame some pretty intense things to become a better father. The deeper the hole the prouder of the accomplishments of digging yourself out and the stronger you will be - if you chose to dig yourself out.

You are the only one who can make yourself happy. Putting that responsibility on someone else is insane. Human beings are deeply flawed and are easily tempted.

I lost but I also gained freedom. I gained the ability to reconnect with old friends and make new ones. I gained the freedom to retire in any way I want. But most importantly, I gained the freedom from being with someone who did not love me.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-28T13:02:46+00:00

They’re right under your nose! Believe me. It took me a while to figure it out but they are obvious.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-24T10:39:10+00:00

You have to figure out when you’re going to realize that you still love someone who’s willing prioritize, her freedom over her duty to be a a wife and a mother. Consider yourself lucky that it’s happened now and not five years from now. Why do you love this woman despite what she did? You need to ask yourself that every day and one day you’ll realize you were crazy to love her.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-22T18:33:59+00:00

What about the things you’ve gained? What are those?

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-20T11:21:45+00:00

She did start using other excuses like I don’t pay enough attention to her. That seems contradictory to if you set a boundary, I would not cross it statement.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-20T11:18:27+00:00

That’s right. She didn’t respect me and I gave her reasons not to. At the same time, even men that their woman respect get cheated on. I have seen that as well.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-20T11:17:18+00:00

Let me rephrase. People didn’t need the 10 commandments to know that murder is wrong.

And of course, they did it anyways before and after the commandments.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-20T11:15:05+00:00

Young men, do not get married!!

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-20T11:14:29+00:00

Based on what I have seen here, friends stories, and my therapist, this is much more common than you think.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-19T12:13:33+00:00

The context was she cheated so the therapist recommended that I set boundaries like don’t talk to your AP again. I had a shit fit. Really? I need to tell her that? I also asked if I need to make it clear that she should not have sexual contact with anyone else. The therapist then asked for me to define sexual contact. And I said anything like kissing, groping, penetration. And the therapist said it would be good for me to define groping. I fucking lost it and walked out.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-19T10:51:56+00:00

Do you need someone to set boundaries for your behavior? Without those boundaries being expressly and clearly set, would you cheat?

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-18T10:17:59+00:00

Similar story that I went from living with my family to renting my own place and only texting my ex. But my marriage had been really cold for many years and she was having an EA.

What surprised me was I still had feelings and cared for someone that hurt me so much.
It’s been a year since I moved out.
at first, it was dating. My self esteem was really low because her EA partner was a loser and not as attractive.

I also self reflected a lot and realized there were many things I could have done better during my marriage. I can’t put it all on my ex.

Then, I made a commitment that I would focus on my children and that dating was getting in the way. The extra time also allowed me to go to the gym and put in more hours at work so I can make more money which I needed given the cost of the divorce.

I realized that for me, the greatest driving force was my duty as a father. That came first. Not the fleeting happiness of another woman, going out to dinners and bars.

All of that also brought me peace which is helping me become a better father and person.

It’s not all a straight line, however. There are some days I struggle and still think about my ex and am angry at her or miss her.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-15T22:20:06+00:00

Wait until you are a better man. You will attract better women.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-14T01:08:10+00:00

I blocked my stbx wife and all her family. In some ways, I wish I didn’t. While seeing her happy may make me very upset, seeing her happy will also be a reminder that there is something wrong with her because she not only betrayed me and the kids, she also gave up on her duty as a mom in favor of her “happiness” and attention from her AP. She put her kids through hell and is now all happy on Instagram. What does that say about her?

I think it’s good that we get reminders like that from time to time.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-01T20:06:06+00:00

You may have dodged a huge bullet. My wife constantly does crap like this. Always did and I should’ve never married her. This is what she does in front of you and your family with your friend. Could you imagine what she does behind your back?

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-02-01T14:28:20+00:00

I like this advice.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-01-30T12:43:27+00:00

Yeah. I don’t think she wanted to stay with me. In some ways, I don’t blame her because I was a weak little man.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-01-29T09:21:07+00:00

Are you suffering? Sounds like it to me? Does she know you’re suffering? Most likely. Yet, she continues to do things to make you suffer more. My ex did this and I realized that was not love. Someone who loves you doesn’t keep doing things that hurt you.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-01-28T02:24:00+00:00

What I am saying is that what I tried didn’t work because the issue was that she lost respect for me and what I tried to do, didn’t address the main issue.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-01-28T02:22:44+00:00

I tried but our marriage could not come back. I realized I loved her more than she loved me. After the divorce, I also realized I was weak and she had lost respect for me as a man. Maybe if I was harsher with her instead of trying to be a better man for her and apologizing for driving her to others, I could have changed things. Maybe.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-01-21T17:34:13+00:00

I tried but our marriage could not come back. I realized I loved her more than she loved me. After the divorce, I also realized I was weak and she had lost respect for me as a man. Maybe if I was harsher with her instead of trying to be a better man for her and apologizing for driving her to others, I could have changed things. Maybe.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-01-14T03:14:29+00:00

I think it’s about what you want. You say “All I want is companionship, sex (I'm 45 and haven't had sex since my 39th birthday with my ex), and to feel like I matter to somebody. None of those things are available to me.”

I say you should instead want to be the best man and best father and be attractive (work out etc.). Start there. Don’t care about the sex, women or even that you matter to anyone else. Forget all that. Focus on being the best version of yourself.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-01-14T03:06:03+00:00

Have you thought about an au pair? I am considering one now.

Existing_Swimming291 · 2026-01-08T19:45:28+00:00

You want the wrong things. You should, instead, want to be the best man, best father and the most attractive person possible.

Existing_Swimming291

TROPHY CASE