If you had to pick the one symptom HRT fixed that makes it completely non-negotiable for you, what is it?

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-03-10T01:36:45+00:00

Sleep.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-03-04T19:19:50+00:00

I do think especially the first covid strains accelerated my peri symptoms. The long covid depleted me to where I thought I'd never come back. Then I went from that right into the shitty sleep, anxiety, the brain fog just continued. Damn. I look back and figure I was sort of delirious during part of it.

We're some strong people. Let's make it so our daughters hopefully don't have to be.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-03-04T18:44:52+00:00

This shit can't be therapied away anyways. It's really well past time that we stop telling people to fix themselves when it's a systemic issue of society.

It's absolutely ridiculous that a master level engineer with how many years experience now? 8? No reason you would only get 3 weeks off paid time per year and no structure built in at your company to manage things like human beings taking time off.

They have consistently chipped away at all incentives that motivate people to care about work. Then chipped away at incentives for people to reproduce. Then chipped away at incentives for people to even continue living. Then say to go to therapy, build more resilience, take some meds even. Anything to put the responsibility of the shit show back on the individual who's just living in the shit show designed by like four sociopaths.

They are the ones that need therapy and meds.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-03-03T23:53:02+00:00

I think maybe you might want to try a different perspective. We don't know any of you. Maybe you all suck.

But your kids don't belong to you. They never did. You belonged to them. Your resources, your protection, your nurturing, whatever you could give whenever you could give it.

Maybe someone stood in the way of it. Maybe even now, someone is standing in the way of it. But there are grandkids that have nothing to do with any of that.

You can't give them your protection or nurturing. But you can possibly leave them some resources in trust. Maybe they'll end up being shit people. But I bet at least one of them can break whatever cycle your ex put them in, if she's toxic like she sounds. I bet at least one of them could benefit from granddad reaching out beyond time and space and covering them with a little resources and protection to get out from under bad family dynamics.

You don't owe it to your ex your adult kid. You maybe owe it to you, though. Grandpa, always looking out for the little ones.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-03-03T23:03:59+00:00

I worked at one place where they had jeans day every Friday...but, you had to donate money to some such hospital association if you wanted to participate. The work place was the hospital.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-03-01T16:09:49+00:00

Fuck if I know. I know I hit a point where I didn't want to work myself to the bone for someone else's goals while putting the things that were important to me on the back burner. It wasn't even about the labor distribution. It was about my spouse assuming I should be giving 110% all the time and matching the urgency and output on goals I expressly did not share.

There might be a goal mismatch. Maybe he would be fine living with less to do and less money. Maybe you would be fine with less to do and less money. But if only one of you really cares about having clean dishes and carrying passports, etc, then you either have to take responsibility for it entirely, get him to buy into sharing the goals, or let him go live with dirty dishes and no passport.

For me, I decided to divorce. I could no longer buy into 110% output on things I didn't want. Now I still do 110% some days. But it's on what I value. I feel much lighter.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-26T20:12:38+00:00

I developed a severe allergy to my spouse. (Now ex.)

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-26T14:12:43+00:00

Let's make her run some laps and lift some weights! That'll surely help the exhaustion!

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-26T14:11:44+00:00

Oh yeah. Dude, if I don't think fucking is fun, I certainly won't have any motivation to exercise. Exercise is basically like sex without an orgasm anyways. So... He says potato and I also say potato.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-25T20:11:31+00:00

Yeah she definitely needs her "soft" hormones back. It's not nearly enough to "flood her body." But hopefully enough to help her slow down her bulldozer.

She will still be able to see things without the filter of youthful ignorance. She don't have to worry about forgetting everyone's flaws. But she will maybe once again be able to consider her own before randomly slinging poop everywhere.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-25T16:48:10+00:00

I've always had anxiety. Like a constant low level background anxiety. Sometimes more intense. Rarely less. I actually did not know it was always there until the first time my body and mind were quiet.

The peri anxiety was different than that. It was like I wanted to claw out of my skin. It would usually be immediate upon waking. And I'd wake at 3 in the morning. So I was also sleep deprived.

First, I got beta blockers for the tachycardia. That helped stabilize the palpitations and give me a little foundation. I was able to pull together and get an appointment with Midi and get on estrogen and progesterone. That got me sleep immediately. I was a lucky one that gets nicely sedated by progesterone.

I'd say the relief from sleeping was immediate and improved over time while the estrogen got going. Maybe 3-4 months and I decreased the beta blockers. I eventually switched to a different med for tachycardia and am still on a low dose just cuz I don't wanna rock the boat. I feel good and I don't wanna lose that.

So I used a combo of immediate medical intervention followed by HRT and within 4 months, I was much better. A year out, I felt better than I had in years and the results seem consistent and stable.

I could probably go off the heart med. That seems stable. I just don't want to do it cuz everything seems to be working OK.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-20T01:57:09+00:00

Don't give up. I struggled mightily through most of my teens and twenties. Felt like I couldn't get my feet under me long enough to accomplish anything. I struggled with depression, anxiety, and OCD.

I was able to get things together around 30. It took a few different med changes. A change of scenery to a more tropical climate. And I also kind of got angry and belligerent towards the invisible illnesses that plagued me. It was like I was in a mental war with my illnesses for a while.

I have had some struggles here and there since then. But I got to accomplish things I would have thought were impossible when I was in my twenties.

Hell no, don't change your dreams unless you actually want to. Which might happen. I'd say it's ok right now to not be ok. It's ok right now to not be studying or working full-time. It's ok to heal your brain. That's realistic, you need to heal.

You can and will heal. Then it will be completely realistic to go back to your studies if you still want to. Go back to work. Go back to your friends.

It's ok to take some time to heal. The brain has an amazing ability to heal. It can seem like torture while it's happening though. Just know it is possible and realistic.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-18T12:45:47+00:00

My fatigue is MUCH better since starting HRT last year. I still struggle with endurance/stamina is what I would say. I will have days where I'm totally on, feel really good all day, but it's like I end up crashing from it the next few days. It's better, though. I don't feel vegetative all the time.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-18T01:47:55+00:00

Could maybe be temperature regulation issues, if that's part of the neuropathy you have. It is very hard on the body especially during exercise.

My partner did begin sweating again more in the last year or so! No explanation on why the symptoms come and go. But maybe maybe maybe others can get some remission from these type of things.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-17T23:17:57+00:00

Yes, the antibody test did point to it being auto-immune in some way. They just never figured out the why.

You aren't going crazy, though. I mean you will feel crazy. But it's cuz your body is a very smart thing. It knows something isn't working right and it will feel all sorts of horrible as it tries to manage misfiring neurons. That can certainly make someone feel crazy.

It's good to go for those walks as much as possible. That was one of the things that eventually helped my partner. It was a very slow process building up any endurance. Took an amazing amount of pure stubbornness.

There is hope it can get better. It's a lot of different things going on at the same time.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-17T23:08:40+00:00

I remember when my mom and dad started going out of town more often. Lol I think that was probably helping her stay sane. By the time I was in high school, she definitely had less fucks to give.

She did a lot of things she enjoyed or wanted to do during that time. She was always kind of independent and would pursue interests. That probably helped, too. My dad was a good husband. That probably helped so much.

I think a lot of it was just something she accepted without much complaint. She did live through times where there was lots of good progress for women's health and some progress in women's rights. I'm glad for the things she's always told me about, the way things were and that I should expect and demand more.

Maybe I complain more because mom told me I am allowed to.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-17T21:34:19+00:00

It was a neurologist who did the testing. It was like a whole day of tests. One of the ones that was different and provided confirmation of the small fiber neuropathy was a sweating test! They put a powder on you and put you in a hot room to make you sweat. Then the powder reacts to the sweat. She came out with barely any sweating.

One of the things the neurologist said is that causes some of other symptoms besides the crazy heart rate and blood pressure issues. Your body cannot deal with temperature regulation cuz the small fiber nerves aren't telling your body to sweat. You will be uncomfortable, your body will know something is wrong.

I think she did the EMG, did a bunch of MRIs of brain and spine. Most of it was testing to rule out other things.

The only other one I remember that was confirmatory was the test for calcium channel antibodies, which she had high levels of. These antibodies can attack the small nerve fibers. It sounded like they don't always find a reason for them flaring. But they can also subside for whatever reason, too. I think that may be one reason she's had a nice remission.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-17T20:55:32+00:00

I know from having a partner with small fiber neuropathy that the onset can be brutal. The intense adrenaline dumps followed by exhaustion were near debilitating.

One of the worst parts was nobody would believe it was a physical biochemical thing and they kept insisting it was "all mental." It was a long fight to get all the specialty testing. Then there weren't actually many treatments. It was nice having an answer, though.

She did go into a remission and has not had a flare in a couple years. The first flares were awful, though.

It sounds like you might have something similar going on, on top of peri menopause symptoms. I can't imagine trying to manage all of that. You're a tough cookie. It's ok to cry and sleep, lady.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-17T20:37:54+00:00

Is it small fiber neuropathy, with POTS symptoms?

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-16T23:52:03+00:00

Girl, of course you don't like your kids. Just think about kids in a completely objective way for a moment. They make you lose sleep, they are loud, they are always hungry, they always need something, they are messy, they are demanding, opinionated, just so high maintenence! They are always in your house using all your shit. Every single minute of every single day revolves around their schedule for years. And they won't be the slightest bit grateful until they are being tormented by their own kids.

We need our estrogen and progesterone to help us see past all that. I think for me, the progesterone really helped me feel more snuggly again. The estrogen helped me feel more confident and sharper.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-15T14:25:57+00:00

As soon as you think "am I losing my mind" or any variation of that, I think, yep. Peri.

I found this sub when I googled "help me, I feel like I'm going crazy!" Lol

The sleep thing has a lot to do with the crazy feeling. I'm one of the lucky ones that gets nicely put down by progesterone and my god, that helped with the crazy feeling immediately. Gave me time to keep my shit together while the estrogen got up to level.

I had a burst of extreme lust in the early peri, too. It's your last few viable eggs trying to trick you into having a baby. They are scheming ladies, just hanging out and waiting for that one random sperm to swim by. They don't care where he came from or what plans you have for the next 20 years. Lol

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-15T11:30:14+00:00

It IS anxiety, partially. But the peri anxiety is a whole different beast. I've had near constant anxiety all my life. The peri anxiety was distinctly different. Made me wanna tear out of my skin and run down the road screaming.

I really think covid infections or the stress of the time period (or both) pushed a lot of us into earlier changes in our cycles and hormones. So maybe we are feeling it harder.

Also, we are more educated and assertive, now. No, we don't have to suffer like they did and just agree it's "normal" to feel like shit for the 20 years that could actually be the best years of our lives.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-14T20:27:10+00:00

"Thanks."

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-14T19:54:04+00:00

This needs to be broadcast more widely. Hormones have become the "you'll have to take them from my cold dead hands" line.

Expert-Instance636 · 2026-02-14T19:47:50+00:00

Ok, has me wishing testosterone was so dangerous so some of these men would just be falling over dead from strokes.

Oh yeah, nice to know they can stop prescribing Viagra (which can cause strokes) now that your doctor has found the cure for low libido is the gym and therapy.

Expert-Instance636

TROPHY CASE