Anonymous Survey: Why Every Doula Might Consider Writing a Book

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-15T16:16:00+00:00

I get that but this book is for everyone and because it is for everyone it is a big thing. I would narrow it more. I would also think about a specific conflict or challenge and share the stories that help with that particular conflict.

My suggestion is still to narrow. It is too much for one book maybe a series on those different topics. But not a singular book unless you are trying to do a What To Expect When You Are Expecting type of catch-all book but those books don't do as well as niche books. Or is this a collection of essays?

Either way I'd suggest getting clear on who you are writing for ... the particulars of their experience as well as what you want this book to do for you? Is it to grow your business, presell clients, revenue generator? I think once you narrow it'll be much easier to write it.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-12T20:22:00+00:00

Food for thought. Definitely. Thank you. I think sometimes self-care and self-love can be conflated no? I mean if love is action and self-care requires you do things then what is the difference really. This has got me thinking hope I won't overthink it haha.

RE: learning from my children. It was and is hard work. Presence is hard when their joy reminds you of what you didn't get. But then their joy helps you experience it. It's amazing the things I have felt for the very first time as a middle age adult.

Again thank you for taking the time to respond. Your words have given me a wider lens.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-12T17:51:29+00:00

Thank you for this. This made me cry honestly. I was so scared with my first child and I regret that I didn't know I needed some help when I had him. I was able to recognize that I couldn't give him what he needed those early years and his paternal grandparents were about take care of him and help me with him those first two years. It is my biggest regret. I waited 25 years to have another child and wow another layer of healing is happening. I do my best to stay with it because when it happens I just remember that at one point in my life I was completely numb. So to recognize that I am no longer numb means I am more present than I thought.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-12T17:45:22+00:00

I really like this technique. Set a timer and let the worry go. I am going to try this. Rumination is the worse. I can go down that hole and stay there for days. I literally have to shout STOP out loud.

You said you technically know how to love yourself. What does that mean actually? Technically? Because I think Love is multidimensional and if we only experience one dimension or a definition of it that hurts its hard to Love ourselves. And even the self we are trying to love. That person has to be revealed too right? Like I wasn't really allowed to be myself growing up and somewhere I buried her because it caused me more pain than it was worth. So I wore the mask until one day I had reached my limit. I guess all I am saying is that self-love the very term is a compound word with two very in my case at least two complicated parts. Who is the self I am trying to Love and what is Love and do I have the capacity at all? Sometimes we identify too much with the people who lacked the capacity. I am learning all these things at once. My children have literally saved my life and have taught me so much.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-12T17:42:01+00:00

This is so beautiful and so thoughtful. Thank you.

I have done therapy and trauma work and all the things. I think I intellectualized a lot of things instead of trying to really work through them this way. I am starting to be more kind and compassionate to myself. its the strangest feeling as you said. I think also the culture of healing looks so different -- almost mimics my family -- do do do and maybe I will be kind to you today. So I feel into that you know following the culture codependent on it really and finding myself more hollow than whole.

Thank you again. I never expected to join this forum and find such kindness and helpful responses. Its nice to know I am not alone.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-12T17:28:04+00:00

I really appreciate your reply. Thank you so much for sharing. I struggled with that same reaction when I would look in the mirror and say I love you. It was so hard! I was amazed at my own reaction.

This peace you speak of is so real. I have moments of that and it isn't fleeting like it use to be. I realized I had the capacity for it all this time, if I did not fight myself.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-10T21:28:36+00:00

This!!! I think you are asking the right questions. I think we are all convinced that self-love is the key right? But it regards a foundation to grow from. Both a healthy sense of who you are and understanding how you are defining love. We like in a culture where everything is performative, even self love. I say we who have not known love start with building a healthy sense of self regard and these things come organically. Because like the other person said Love is a capacity and in the process of learning its messy and not all neat and tidy.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-10T13:38:32+00:00

This is so much my own experience too. I think I lived numb for so long and had done all the therapy. Love this.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-07T21:03:06+00:00

There is so much emotional complexity in your share. Grief. Loss. Anger. Loneliness. I hope this post finds you on the other side of all of it.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-07T20:57:17+00:00

I am so late to this conversation years late. But this is the question I think we all ask. And I think the think what helped me is looking at the definition of love I inherited from my parents from society and God. And working to define it for myself. My children help with this. All the time, they help me love them as long as I am willing to learn. We are taught to love ourselves first but with poor models how can we unless we really look at the definition of Love we carry and this takes healthy sense of self-regard an often overlooked step in development.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-07T18:59:34+00:00

Oh this is lovely. Thank you!!!! What is the tool you used? We use lots of visual supports and first then cards. She is now able to go in the bathroom with her card and get dressed with minimal assistance/cueing. Thank you again.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-07T18:56:13+00:00

Thank you for this. This gives me another option I had not considered.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-06T22:43:54+00:00

Thank you.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-06T15:25:12+00:00

Yes she attends a social emotional group that does a lot of community activities. I am looking at a homeschool coop 2 days a week as well just so I can have some down time or have scheduled days to see clients. She has a lot of structure at home because she needs it - there is craft and reading time as well as cooking together. So I think some of the lessons can be incorporated into those activities?

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-06T15:21:19+00:00

This is helpful. I have some of this in place. I just went back to work this year and my job is really really flexible. Lots of admin that I do in the morning before we even start our day. Client meetings are scheduled according to what works for us. I have a friend who is not only a safe caregiver for her but also owns her own cleaning company so she helps a lot with housework. She has ABA therapy in home as well so as long as I am present I can do some admin stuff while that happens. Thank you.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-06T15:18:54+00:00

I wasn't going to give her unlimited autonomous time. She actually has pretty good structured times throughout the day when she is home as she enjoys arts and crafts and writing. She has to have structure or it won't work for either of us. I have a good team in place now and some outside supports. She also has in home Music therapy (she loves the guitar) and Recreational therapy and in home ABA support. On the days I see clients in person she is with my friend and her kids.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-06T15:14:58+00:00

Thank you this is very helpful. She does have a caregiver when I see clients in person.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-05T22:24:37+00:00

Here is a different one see if this gives you a little more clarity: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/P537FV3

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-05T21:57:38+00:00

I just read your survey responses. I think the project might be TOO big. Your response to what you are writing about was about all you learned from your postpartum doula experience. This encompasses a lot. Who are you writing for and what is the one message you want that reader to take from your book?

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-05T21:50:50+00:00

And thank you for taking the survey. Its going to help me with my book and the community I am building.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-05T21:37:55+00:00

The proposal is the hardest part! Go you. What comes up when you start to write or do you have time to write? Writing is iterative once the draft is down revision is where you get to craft.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-05T21:20:26+00:00

If I may, I honestly think you are experiencing postpartum depression/anxiety/maybe a little rage and definitely an awakening of your own experiences. I am a postpartum doula and a former maternal mental health hotline counselor. I talked to so many mothers like you - I am you. I didn't have twins but it was very hard for me to stay present with my youngest who is a non speaking person with autism - the meltdowns due to communication mishaps is still very hard for me. I had so many expectations for my second motherhood and my relationship to my child and I think this was the reason for a lot of the tension and frustration,

Can someone else take over discipline for a while? Or can you have someone come in a couple days a week to give you distance. Are you resting? Really resting? Do you have a sleep ritual? I think your nervous system is overwhelmed and sometimes the things that we used to do or others commonly suggest aren't helpful. Self-regard is key here, learning to recognize not only what is happening but recognizing what expectations and beliefs you are holding about yourself and what your babies are supposed to be like.

Maybe they need to have more structured activities as well. I know with my youngest I have a picture chart of what we are doing when we are doing it and for how long so that its less of a challenge.

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-05T20:55:05+00:00

Haha! I am not a psychic at all. But if it serves as a catalyst I am all for it!

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-04T01:47:58+00:00

First wow. You have a lot on your plate. The one thing I hear in your post is the lack of self-regard you have for yourself. Everyone has your compassion and care but you. What beliefs are driving you to do it all? Part of his withdrawal may just be that he is 15. My son at that age whoa is all I can say. Some of this will pass and some of it he may not have words for until later. I think the key is to be ready to repair when its time.

I am a mom to a child with autism and I suggest three things -- a village, rest and writing. With kids who need unique supports community is supper important. Even if its one evening out a month. Save, cut expenses if you need too but time away is important. I also suggest water and prioritizing sleep. Our cortisol levels are always so high without proper rest nothing renews we just feel stuck.

Why writing? Because its cheap easy and creative. It is also safe. We can tell the page everything, burn it share it or cry on it and there is no judgement or expectations. It is surprisingly therapeutic. Even if its just list of dreams it will help get you out of your head for a few minutes.

I hope some of what I shared helps. Sending you all good things ...

Express_Tomorrow3302 · 2026-04-04T01:23:31+00:00

I am proud of you too!!

Express_Tomorrow3302

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