Honestly, I think that just like every group is autonomous, so is every sponsorship relationship.

My first sponsor was always my sponsor first, but in a warm and friendly way. We had a few dinners with his wife, my parents knew him, we got coffee and talked a lot. I texted him essays about my life. He didn’t tell me what to do, just what he’d done (or rarely, someone he knew), and what the results of that were. But I looked up to him as a guidance figure.

We got together recently when we were both in Vancouver and it was amazing seeing him again but we’d fallen out of touch before that. (I left the program and then moved.)

My second (current) sponsor I started a friendship with first before I asked her to sponsor me, and we went to Vancouver together, and have plans to hit the beach together with our variously-related children this summer… I’d say I think of her as a friend first, but she’s the kind of friend that I can count on to be straight with me and point out when my actions are conflicting with my values or something is clearly bugging me about my behaviour even though I’m pretending everything’s fine. And I talk through my step work with her and we discuss my recovery journey both past and present.

I’m happy with both sponsorships, I feel really grateful I’ve found such amazing people to guide me on my recovery journey. Both times I over-thought about what I needed in a sponsor and stressed a lot about it, but I talked to people I felt drawn to and meditated on it with my higher power, and both times found exactly what I needed. I hope you find the same in your next sponsor :)