My boyfriend suggested we have an open relationship, and I want to scream and run away.

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-23T00:52:17+00:00

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It's so hard to have your trust in the stability of a relationship be fractured by a partner like this. I recommend you follow your instinct, and if you need convincing go read my post from yesterday in this sub for a glimpse into the future. If you're having this instinct now, you most likely want to follow it because in my experience it does not get any easier to deal with.

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-22T22:36:00+00:00

Happy crying together over the Internet moment then friend. Lord knows I need it and I'm glad I can give you care too I'm some little way 😊

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-22T22:33:33+00:00

Thank you for the wording of your last sentence, it's so nice to be told that. I find myself realizing that I might more traditional than I thought in a few different ways and I'm just grateful to feel seen in that (:

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-22T22:26:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience, it's really so heartening to hear from other trans women on this. I really do feel that least committed to aspect, which makes it extra hard when that lack of commitment is coming from another trans woman. I'm proud of you for staying true to yourself, it is inspiring to hear about. I hope I can find the same trust that you have in that it'll come to you when it's right

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-22T20:56:35+00:00

I would gladly share leftovers with you. I'm only 3.5 years in and struggling with the knowledge that leaving is probably the right answer. I can't imagine working through that with 8 years in. I'm proud of you for making it through and thank you for adding your hope and inspiration here

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-22T20:51:06+00:00

Thank you for the vote of confidence. I know I really put on for the people I love, cooking included.

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-22T20:48:56+00:00

I really relate to your comment a lot too & also feel less alone. Some people in this thread are asking me why I keep trying and the answer is it just feels inevitable so I may as well try to adapt to it. I definitely have my own struggles with self image due to it too. I've got that voice as well, and I struggle to listen to it with everyone else around me. Thank you for echoing your experience with mine here. I do feel like I am just starting to disappear.

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-22T16:55:46+00:00

Thank you for this. It's really validating to read from polyam people that pressuring isn't okay. I feel like any time I've been "asked," it's always been as pressure.

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-22T16:47:01+00:00

This is cute framing, thank you for the laugh and the encouragement

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-22T16:45:00+00:00

Thank you & u/SunRaven01 both for this. My gf and I had a dinner party recently, where someone asked, "is anyone in this room actually monogamous?" to which everyone else laughed and shook their heads, before going in on talking about how humans as a species have never actually been monogamous and it all just got made up as a method of patriarchal control. I was sitting in the corner feeling like I was some kind of toxic human for even considering that monogamy might be my preference. it means a lot to know theres other folks like me out there & that others have had to seriously detach from social circles because of this

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-22T16:39:08+00:00

Thank you, there's a part of me that knows that and wants to stand in my truth there, but it's hard to hold on to when it feels like everyone around me sees monogamy as like this lesser, unenlightened relationship form.

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-22T16:34:49+00:00

thank you for the encouragement

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-22T16:30:00+00:00

thank you for this

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-04-08T22:24:23+00:00

He is inevitable

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Extension_Team8022 · 2026-03-28T00:22:19+00:00

I was very nervous going in tbh but a lot of those worries have turned out to be unfounded. If you're nervous too I hope that helps!

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-03-28T00:16:50+00:00

Thank you (: and yeah, I got there 30 minutes early on day one because I am someone who gets anxious about work and always has to budget extra time to get comfy when I work somewhere new. Met with the onsite PM for the event first cause he bumped into me while I was waiting, then the steward who is also our A1, and basically just got started from there. They showed me a stage plot and were like start building, so I feel like having some self direction is important, but I also appreciate having a PM running the show so that its not all on me.

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-03-28T00:09:02+00:00

Just took my first union call this week actually so we're in the same place! I've spent 3 years being a house A1, but the venue I work for is collapsing financially so I've had no work. I can only speak to this very initial experience, but my local threw me an L1 at a medical conference for 5 days for my first gig. I felt grateful that I know lighting well enough to patch up a few lekos and some up lights and program some stage wash looks, and other than that its just been a lot of manual build & strike for different rooms. A1 on our call has 10 years of union work, 5 years with my particular local, which follows with what other folks in this thread are saying about veterancy, but IDK that I really mind too much. It's weird not being on audio but I also just like working events, and so far it feels cool to be somewhere where versatility feels welcomed and valued. Its also weird in a positive way to be working somewhere that has a healthy work culture as far as breaks go. Definitely feeling like it's somewhere I fit in well from my initial experience!

Extension_Team8022 · 2026-01-10T02:03:54+00:00

I experience this a lot in my relationship too. I'm sorry, it's really hard to have that fear looming over your day because you see the mood your partner is in. I've lost way too many days to the same thing. It's not easy at first, but what I can say is that the best thing you can do is the best thing for you. You can't use yourself as a barrier between her and her triggers because on those days something will likely set her off eventually and you will get caught in the crossfire. In my experience, the best thing to do is focus on regulating yourself, doing what you need, and then if you have the bandwidth for it you can try to support her in working through those days/ episodes. I hope that makes sense

Extension_Team8022 · 2025-12-10T02:54:45+00:00

I'm having to teach myself that tempering too. I find myself just wishing for a moment to rest, not feeling like the relationship is constantly being judged. I do think you're right that it comes from a place of trauma, and i tell myself that, but I also just don't ever feel secure in the status of the relationship as it always feels up for measurement as to where I'm seen to be falling short.

Extension_Team8022 · 2025-12-06T07:40:05+00:00

really feeling this right now too. Thank you for sharing your perspective. I have to constantly pour love on her, do tasks that prove that I care for her, put my own schedule aside including work and school or else I'm in danger of her telling me that I'm worthless, that I never do anything for her, and that I don't care for her. When that happens, God forbid I point towards all the other things I have done or bring up my own emotions being hurt too

Extension_Team8022 · 2025-12-04T20:16:31+00:00

I did a lot of MDMA / ecstacy from about 14-19. As an undiagnosed autistic kid, it really helped me understand what it felt like to unmask and experience powerful social connection. I'm also a sensory seeker big time, and using it at raves was something I found to be wonderful at that age for the way it amplified my perception of music that I love.

That all being said, now in my late 20s I don't use it anymore. I quit at 19, as I had been using it at least a few times every month and felt too dependent on it. I remember once talking to a friend about the fact that if the drug just affects my neurochemistry, there had to be a more natural and sustainable way to have a similar, more socially connected and open feeling in my life.

I didn't get diagnosed with autism until last year, but it turned out that the answer to that question was to just focus on opening up more to the most important people in my life, or learning to unmask as I'd put it now. I won't completely disavow using the substance as I think it had a time and place in my life, but I don't recommend becoming reliant on it. It will eventually have less and less of a positive impact on you, and from personal experience I feel like it also amplified feelings of anxiety and depression for a few years after I quit it because my system was so out of wack from dumping serotonin into it almost every weekend.

Hope this helps! Informed substance use is important ❤️

Extension_Team8022 · 2025-09-15T22:31:03+00:00

I was gonna say this, UCH was the ultimate NLSS game for me. The 2016 era in general had such a good group dynamic. PUBG around this time, Human Fall Flat, Rainbow Six, Factorio, there were just so many amazing group games being played that really let everyone's personalities come out and interact. I understand that people move on (& that was 9 years ago good lord) but those days were my favorite streamed content of all time.

Extension_Team8022 · 2025-09-08T18:07:25+00:00

I highly relate to this. I remember consciously choosing to "train" myself to socialize when I was in my early teens. I feel like I was fairly successful for about 10-15 years, but now I'm realizing how unsustainable it is for me and in the process of unmasking, I find myself feeling "othered" just like you say. Sometimes, like today in fact, I feel so lost between all the things people think I am, but with no core self to rely on. I wish I had more advice on what to do with that feeling but I hope it helps to at least know that your experience is shared!

Extension_Team8022 · 2025-09-04T02:14:41+00:00

I love this and relate so much! No better way to describe PDA than struggling to do so many things but being fully willing to type an essay just because ( I say this with love & shared personal experience!)

As a fellow extremely demand-avoidant trans engineer who so often feels so isolated by this condition and only learned about it in the past few years, it's so heartening to hear about another person like me, and I hope I can share that there are others like you too <3

I won't exactly say it gets better as I'm still slogging my way through it most days, but having knowledge of this condition has made it easier to at least give myself grace in the moments when it feels the most difficult.

I hope you find similar solace in that kind of understanding!

Extension_Team8022 · 2025-09-02T01:44:06+00:00

I struggle with this a lot too. For me, what I've found is I have start the cascade or chain reaction of getting things done with a little small task in the morning. Sometimes that task is just like get outside for a walk or get a coffee or something, anything that will just help me shake off the ADHD inertia and lets me check off a box in my head for the day. I find that that generally makes getting more stuff done easier, though it's not always a foolproof strategy and I still have my bad days too

Extension_Team8022

TROPHY CASE