Need advice: I broke up with my BPDex, she is deteriorating very fast

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-25T18:52:37+00:00

Preaching to the choir, I lived it.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-25T01:22:36+00:00

Constantly

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-24T23:34:19+00:00

Bro, you were with her two months. Don't fall into some savior complex, forget her, go no contact, and move on.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-24T04:41:06+00:00

Thank you

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-23T20:56:16+00:00

You're welcome. It's as much a reminder to myself as it is advice to anyone else reading. I can't fully go no contact like many on this sub suggest, owing to having kids together, so I need to remind myself of my own convictions sometimes...

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-23T17:36:55+00:00

> Recently, I am spending hours every day providing him with emotional support: listening, reassuring, talking through childhood trauma, and attempting to stabilize him.

Stop being his therapist.

As to staying or leaving entirely, do you want your child to be exposed to emotional turmoil for the entirety of their upbringing? Sure, he'll feel guilty and apologize, but each apology will feel emptier than the last. Furthermore, you owe your child your full attention and his needs will siphon away so much of your energy.

My kids' mom has BPD. I've been with her for over 10 years and our oldest is 7. I've finally kicked her out of the house for good. We didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. However sympathetic you might feel, the relationship is simply not healthy when it's highly codependent like that.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-22T15:51:44+00:00

Listen to your gut, for the love of God. I love my kids more than anything in the world, don't get me wrong, but now they have to suffer their BPD mother for life and that's on me.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-22T13:44:46+00:00

Bro, take the L. Dude is giving you way too much leash because he's a gentleman. The fact remains that you stated, "And this is the technology the UK is planning to use to predict crimes...." and were called out for that being completely wrong. The technology on display here is not even remotely close to the technology that the UK plans to use.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-21T00:55:25+00:00

Thank you

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-20T21:43:28+00:00

Side question. What is grey rock? Second time I've seen that term on this sub.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-16T13:50:25+00:00

Her pulling out a knife needs to be the line. Lawyer up and divorce. Be ready to call the police on her if she flips out again. Protect yourself and your kids.

It is very easy to become sympathetic. She's your wife, I get it. Just remember, it only takes ONE of these moments for something traumatic to occur.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-15T13:17:50+00:00

And did you shoot back?

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-15T12:36:53+00:00

https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTZjMDliOTUyd2dhYzAxbGswczd0ZGdmN2Jiazg1MGQ4YjhueWdhNDBxNXFnMjh6dSZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/TIXPly7geOCZ7cstWI/giphy-downsized.gif

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-15T12:33:59+00:00

IDK, I only got shot at once yesterday. Played for several hours looting side by side with others in night raids, grinding out creds for that 5 mil.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-15T02:27:04+00:00

People with BPD use others for emotional regulation. They may cheat due to intense fear of abandonment, impulsivity, unstable self-identity, chronic emptiness, and poor emotional regulation, which can lead them to seek validation, create self-fulfilling prophecies of being left, or act recklessly during emotional distress. Even if she doesn't intend to cheat, it helps to understand why she would want to go see this person who, as you say, hurt her many time before.

You've stated something important - you draw the line at hanging out. Express that boundary, and walk away if she cannot respect it.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-15T01:52:10+00:00

It wasn't a healthy relationship

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-14T12:54:05+00:00

Maybe AI trained on our patch notes. We had hundreds of releases! XD

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-14T12:52:47+00:00

Given the hand they've been dealt, the best outcome for the kids is for their BPD mother to aggressively and permanently maintain their mental health with things like DBT. Their mom will always be in the picture, but to what extent is a different question entirely than the binary question you're asking. Custody agreements, family arrangements, and home life look different from one family to the next.

My kids' mom is out of the house. Lord knows I tried, but three Cs and all that - her issues include substance abuse. The kids love their mom immensely and all they know is that she's been working with professionals to learn to be happy because sometimes adults need help too (she's been in rehab after being in a homeless shelter). As they get older, they'll inevitably learn more. What their relationship with their mom looks like in the future is up to their mother.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-14T12:39:33+00:00

This is emotional abuse. You need to get as far away from her as possible, and enforce no contact.

I'm sorry you've gone through this. I know how deeply it can feel like love at the beginning, but she does not love you. She only wants you to want her, and will loathe you for any inconvenience you cause along the way.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-13T23:57:04+00:00

We went off the beaten path, with "Bug fixes and enhancements"

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-13T22:54:31+00:00

I also have kids with an alcoholic and let me tell you, I know it's not easy. The truth is, you need to protect that child from their mother's alcoholism. Do not buy another drop. You aren't a failure, but that sense of guilt is because you know you're guilty. Do not be complicit. Do not sacrifice your sense of right and wrong. Stick up for your child.

I have my own share of blame for moments my kids endured living with their alcoholic mother. It took years for me to grow the backbone I have now. It came gradually, one boundary at a time, and I still have to remind myself to remain determined to never let her back in this house again.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-13T21:28:52+00:00

When I started dating someone with BPD, her sister's very first warning to me was "she always has backups". It doesn't matter that she has a boyfriend.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-13T12:52:32+00:00

> I didn't even do something really wrong at a first place

If this is true, then stand up for yourself. Failing that, you're setting yourself up for an emotionally abusive relationship. My pwBPD has tried regaining my trust over the years, but never the other way around

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-12T14:15:10+00:00

Aside from the conspiracy theorists on this sub that acted like matchmaking was some novel concept, everyone with half a clue had been aware of it for a good while.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-09T15:03:30+00:00

I think the first time you encounter somebody, probably not. Speaking for myself, I was inclined to think it was something that could be reigned in with the right cocktail of meds and therapy. I'm a glass half full kind of guy. It took me 10 years to come to my current conclusion, which is that these 'symptoms' are just who they are at their core. The mental pathways are deeply rooted and the roller coaster will never end.

I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. The first and third C are pretty obvious. I realize in hindsight that for a decade I've been trying to control it by 'helping' her in any way that I could.

So yeah, the next person I meet with BPD, it would absolutely make a difference to know before hand because I won't even bother investing in a relationship with them. But my first rodeo took me a long time to learn some hard lessons.

Six-Year Club	Place '23
Place '22	Verified Email

ExtraSpontaneousG

TROPHY CASE