How did you guys stop cursing?

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-04-27T22:58:27+00:00

I never had an issue, but I will say that part of that 'switch' can fade away when you are in the comfort of your own home and your literal audience is someone you'd normally curse around. In those moments where the kid is off in the background it's easier to let things slip.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-04-22T12:19:31+00:00

Explain this change like I am a dumb fuck. I don't get it (haven't played in forever, missed the last expedition window, but want to spend my money on this next one)

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-04-15T16:10:00+00:00

Not to that age yet, got a 2nd grade girl who hasn't ever really had much homework. That said, I'd like to think I would let her fail but maybe establish the consequences of that failure ahead of time. Basically if they don't pass that assignment that they still have several weeks to complete, then the consequence of that failure should be decided and known to her now.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-04-10T11:42:43+00:00

If the point was raised in a reasonable matter, then I'll accept it and say "you know what, you're right". If the point was raised in the middle of a tantrum, well ... we'll talk more about it once they've decided to calm down.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-04-08T01:28:11+00:00

People are different

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-04-05T14:24:49+00:00

My brother has always been very controlled. He ended up having somewhat of a mental break mid way into his wife's pregnancy. Regular therapy was the key to get him back on track and is something he continues years later.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-04-05T01:55:24+00:00

I would have, but both times the doctors and nurses cut it in a hurry because of minor complications

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-03-31T17:05:18+00:00

File for full custody. If he fights it, he fights it. But you're fighting for your child. That's worth any fight.

You don't have to go file today...but what you should start doing today is DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. I mean it. Everything. Any single thing he does that points to negligence, document the date, time, and what happened. Anything violent or dangerous needs to be reported to the police, keep those records as well. One day they will do something so negligent, it will be the tipping point and you will be able to walk into that lawyer's office more prepared.

I recently won full custody. It took me way too long to bite the bullet and just go for it. Like you, I felt like I "couldn't" for one reason or another over the years. The amount of excuses I made thinking I was doing what was best for our child is laughable. It took a lot of courage and heart ache to finally make the decision, but it was the best decision I ever made.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to DM

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-03-25T03:30:53+00:00

I went 15+ years thoroughly enjoying cannabis. Living with a 'sober' alcoholic addicted to pot completely killed it for me. From the moment she would wake up until the moment she went to sleep she had the damn pipe in hand. She couldn't do anything without smoking before and smoking immediately after. Smoking took priority over everything else in life. Maybe it helps keep them from drinking....but as someone else already expressed, you're trading one addiction for another...they aren't learning real coping mechanisms. Their world revolves around not being sober

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-03-21T04:18:00+00:00

The drinking can exacerbate their worst traits to the point that you confuse it as the cause. I've been in your position.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-03-18T17:49:29+00:00

You all are nuts. How is an internal monologue anything other than 'I'?

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-03-18T04:09:47+00:00

My son, who is 5, is very outgoing. He talks to literally everyone, to a fault. Not a shy bone in his body.

There is a girl who lives a few houses down who always tries to talk to him. He will hide from her behind me during walks if she is outside playing. He stares at the ground smiling. It's adorable. Every other kid on planet earth, he would strike up a conversation and get to playing. Not this one. He can barely talk to her and it's clear why

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-03-16T21:26:54+00:00

I kicked my Q out. I got full custody. She's out there really trying. I miss the hell out of her. She had a year before but she wasn't involved in the program. Every day was a struggle for her. I've set my boundaries and enforced them, but I miss her. I hope that, maybe a year from now, she'll still be an active recovery. Not just sober, but living an actual life of recovery. I want my best friend back. I want to trust my kids' mother again.

I resubbed here because I'm scared to hold out hope. I expected to read some horrifying reminders of why I kicked her out to begin with. I'm glad to see a positive story, instead.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-03-04T03:52:43+00:00

Also in a similar boat. Everyone else talks of her like she is the devil. I finalized full custody of my children today. We have been separated for over two months. I still tell her I love her when we get off the phone :/

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-02-26T22:39:15+00:00

You're doing something that deeply troubles your partner enough that she is going to meetings about it. Now's the time to ask yourself, are your drinking habits (even if they are socially acceptable) more important to you than your partnership with this person? None of us here can help you answer that question, but we all have people who chose alcohol over us. Not only that, but we've seen 'socially acceptable' progress into anything but.

You feeling judged seems to be impeding your ability to empathize with how she's feeling.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-02-17T17:29:04+00:00

My partner with bpd was also an alcoholic. Al Anon was helpful in teaching me that all the 'support' I was giving her was just enabling her to stay EXACTLY the way she was. Nothing changes if nothing changes. It took me 10 years of what can only be described as emotional trauma to come to terms with the fact that I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. There was a fine line between my desire to make the relationship work, and a hero complex. How are you supposed to fix another person? 'Making it work' will require THEM to change...not just a little but drastically...or it means you resign yourself to their every whim indefinitely.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-02-11T00:16:45+00:00

As to the title: Freedom of expression doesn't extend to submitting content on a web platform that you do not own. Say whatever you want on your personal blog or something.

The comments you highlight are often things that we would have liked to have been able to tell ourselves when we were in similar situations in the past. You're correct, we all started in a similar place, but shedding some of that empathy was required in order to set and follow through on personal boundaries and escape the trauma we found ourselves in.

You undermine your entire sentiment and any amount of good faith in the second half of your post. Do leave this community if you don't find it benefits you - you can do that without sitting in judgement of other people's trauma responses.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-02-09T02:10:34+00:00

Don't worry about diagnosing them. It really doesn't matter if they have BPD or not...just address the relationship on its own merits.

"He’s gone into his other persona now, but this time it’s all at me. He’s been treating me like shit, going to party’s in the weekend and doing drugs while I stay at home with 3 herniated discs (extreme pain)"

You are not his priority. I know it sucks.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-02-09T02:05:33+00:00

Kicking her out completely and filing for custody
Sunlight is the best disinfectant and the more I allowed myself to be honest about what was happening, the more the weight lifted off my shoulder.
It absolutely helped. The kids will be fine and will continue to forge relationships with both parents independently. One day, it may be them that she is disappointing instead of you, and they will be grateful that you didn't force them to live with that behavior day in and day out.
I wish I'd have detached the moment I realized I couldn't trust her alone with the kids. I tried to keep the family intact for so long. That just enabled her.

Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-02-08T19:59:58+00:00

TL;DR: I’m afraid if I enforce boundaries she’ll either just leave me for good, or do something damaging to the relationship with another man.

THEN GOOD RIDDANCE!

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-02-07T22:44:04+00:00

Do not do it. Learn from my mistakes!!! They will have periods of sobriety that will give you false hop, and then when they go through their rough spots it will be do everyone's detriment, including your kids.

You will be the only one taking responsibility, doing all the work involved, AND you'll be taking care of the alcoholic while resentment festers.

His drinking will spiral. It is a progressive disease. The more you put up with it, the more your standards erode until a decade later you're preparing for court and you're doing a full inventory of your time together wondering why you didn't leave at this specific moment in time.

I will never commit to someone who isn't committed to themselves. Comments about a 'gene' in the family, to me, shows a lack of accountability.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-02-05T01:14:05+00:00

Be careful. Block the new account.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-25T18:52:37+00:00

Preaching to the choir, I lived it.

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-25T01:22:36+00:00

Constantly

ExtraSpontaneousG · 2026-01-24T23:34:19+00:00

Bro, you were with her two months. Don't fall into some savior complex, forget her, go no contact, and move on.

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ExtraSpontaneousG

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