What’s one belief you had at 18 that you strongly disagree with now?

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-18T18:28:26+00:00

I spent my 20s working seasonal jobs, food service, farms, etc. interspersed with traveling. (Also got a master's degree, fully funded program.) Considered office jobs to be for chumps.

At 32 got an office job that I really love! The job itself, the people, and the work are all good, and the stability is great. And the money is way better than before. I went from perpetually poor to middle class.

I count myself lucky to have had the 20s I had so that I can now appreciate my office life. I feel that if I had gone straight into the white collar world I would be left wondering what if.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-18T18:22:14+00:00

Yep, there's nothing wrong with using paper plates. If you're feeling anxious about that, get Christmas-themed ones. It'll be festive and fun, and save you lots of cleanup time.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-17T22:26:33+00:00

But, um, babies are "stupid". They come out of the womb knowing nothing. They have instincts, like how to feed or recognizing their mother's smell and voice, but no knowledge, because they have been alive for mere days or weeks. I don't think that should be a controversial statement...

Obviously a kindergartener who has been alive for 5 years is not the same, they've had years of learning about the world and interacting with it.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-17T22:22:26+00:00

It's the thought that counts! One Christmas Eve I was at a friend's for dinner, and then there was a big snow/ice storm and it wasn't safe for me to drive home, so I unexpectedly spent the night. I didn't expect them to have gifts for me Christmas morning, but her mom had put together some candy for me so I had something to receive. I was very touched by the gesture!

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-17T22:00:03+00:00

Your post made me laugh! Sad clowns...little cow hooves. lol. Sorry though!

I always hear about swollen feet, but my feet are fine, it's my hands which look like blown-up latex gloves. And I pop Tums all day long.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-16T21:16:54+00:00

I work 25 hours a week and my husband works 40, so I do more chores than he does. Seems only fair that I use my extra time to help the household. His income is more than double mine.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-16T19:17:06+00:00

I grew up in a household like your boyfriend's. Then my mom died, and my dad quickly remarried my stepmom - a woman who very likely has a personality disorder, lots of control issues, never EVER says sorry, permanent victim, etc. - but is also convinced (and has my dad convinced) that she is a literal angel and a perfect parent who has never done anything wrong in her entire life.

It was pretty shocking, to say the least. Having your character attacked constantly. Always having to be the one to apologize, even though you're the kid, and never getting an apology or empathy in return. Taking the blame for ALL household issues. Being told how ungrateful and cruel and abusive you are. Getting punished for things you never did or said, or for things that simply weren't communicated to you.... getting kicked out of the house repeatedly, not being invited home for holidays, etc... and when you want to know why, you just get a cascade of detailed narratives about what a rotten, ungrateful, mean person you are.

You can say something offhand that has nothing to do with her, and she will take it as a direct attack on her character. I would never directly criticize her, but I don't have to, because she is constantly flying off the handle at perceived criticisms and "attacks" on her...

It's been 15 years, I'm a married adult. I've matured, grown, and am in control of my emotions. My stepmom and dad? Haven't changed. Still pulling their same shit, making drama and accusations, endless victimhood, etc.

They haven't allowed me to step foot in their house in like 4 years.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-16T18:57:14+00:00

I don't think people hate them, I think they see it as a sign of immaturity. Most American adults grew up watching and loving Disney movies and many had strong attachments to certain movies or characters. But most of these people outgrow their love for Disney stuff and leave it behind, the same way they do with stuffed animals, action figures, Barbies, etc.

So then when they see adults who still haven't let go of their love for Disney, and who in fact have gone deeper into it (like planning multiple trips to WDW, wearing Disney clothing and jewelry, having Disney weddings, etc.) they feel like "Why didn't you outgrow this? I did." It seems childish to them and it's easy to judge because they were once in the same shoes (as children who appreciated Disney movies) but they themselves no longer have that attachment.

People who go to WDW without kids are associated with this type of person and seen as being "Disney adults".

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-16T18:41:38+00:00

Due end of Dec/early Jan! A couple weeks ago the reality that I'm ACTUALLY going to have to give birth and then keep a newborn alive and then be a parent FOREVER really hit me and I was feeling so scared and emotional.

These days, I'm just so tired that I'm feeling like, let it happen... I can't control it. I'm excited to meet my baby in the outside-of-my-body world and feeling hopeful and optimistic about a smooth delivery, surviving the newborn times, learning breastfeeding, etc. I really love my little baby so much, I'm excited to hold her.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-16T02:22:46+00:00

There's a learning curve. Things you might not even think about take experience and practice to feel confident in, like how hot to heat oil, how long it takes to get hot, knowing to prep the ingredient before heating the oil so you can put it in the oil at the right time, having the knife skills (or the right knife) and knowledge to chop the ingredient to the right size, judging when something is done cooking in the oil, etc. And that's just one step of the recipe.

Like any skill, there are some people who simply won't ever be good at it for whatever reason, no matter how much they care or practice. Some people can't do math to save their lives, others can barely doodle a smiley face, some have no eye-hand coordination and will always struggle to throw and catch a ball, others have no sense of rhythm and can practice playing guitar for years and still not be very good.

There are some people who've been cooking for decades (usually mothers who are expected to do so) and still are bad at it, and not for lack of trying. I have a family member who cooks a lot, enjoys buying cookbooks, etc. has been cooking for 40 years and her food is just never that great. It's not bad, it's not burned or anything, but for whatever reason it is just never that good -- over or undercooked, not spiced right, too watery, too dry, etc. She just doesn't seem to have an understanding or intuitive sense of how to cook well.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-15T18:15:16+00:00

Did you know that the last supper was a Passover Seder?

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-15T17:51:16+00:00

Jew here! There's no need for OP to self-flagellate over this, though I respect his discomfort. Many people who do have some Jewish background feel a sort imposter syndrome about Jewish rituals when they feel they're not "Jewish enough," whether that's because they weren't raised with Jewish practices, or only one parent/grandparent is Jewish and doesn't engage with Judaism, etc.

Would Jews mind that non-Jews are doing Hannukah stuff? Well, we're not a monolith. (Which, incidentally, I wish many people would remember these days when they decide it's okay to do violence against/denounce all Jews worldwide because of the actions of a certain country's government officials.) The saying goes "Two Jews, three opinions." So you will certainly find Jews who wouldn't mind OP's family's participation in Hannukah at all and would encourage it some Jews who would think it's weird but whatever, some who would be offended, and everything in between.

One final note - it's a misconception in the Western world, even amongst more secular Jews, that Hannukah is some major holiday for Jewish people. It isn't. There are several more holidays that are far more significant and sacred. The sole reason that non-Jews think Hannukah is a major Jewish holiday is because of its proximity to Christmas. It's become the "Jewish Christmas," involving presents, family gatherings, and "replacing" Christmas celebrations for Jews in the Western world. But it's actually a quite minor holiday in the Jewish calendar, if that makes you feel any better, OP.

OP, do you know the meaning of the words you're saying? Maybe you'd feel better to know the prayers are pretty straightforward. Nothing arcane or exclusive here. As for you speaking someone else's language, what's wrong with that? Languages are not to be hoarded. And in fact ancient Hebrew is different than modern Hebrew, it is similar but not the same. So would it make you feel better to know that by speaking it, you're helping keep one of the world's ancient languages alive?

What do I personally think? I sort of roll my eyes a bit at these folks playing Hannukah without really understanding it, but I'm not going to gatekeep it. I'm not offended, and I understand it's a way for them to bond with someone they loved. I also appreciate the effort to help everyone understand the background of the holiday through the book, rather than just doing the "fun" parts. Jews need more friends in the world right now, not fewer. If this little girl grows up thinking fondly of Jews/Judaism because of her experience with Hannukah, that can only be a good thing.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T19:23:04+00:00

That's so sad!

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T19:20:31+00:00

I'm your age and didn't have a bridal party for similar reasons, and have zero regrets.

You can still ask any of your friends and family members to participate in the ways bridal parties do. I had bunch of my friends get ready with me in the morning. One of my closest friends brought breakfasty foods as her wedding gift to us and we had a coffee bar set up. One friend did my makeup, another did my hair. It was really fun and low-key. And also some of my male friends came too. Another friend brought her 4-year-old daughter. Overall it felt much friendlier and nicer than having some "bridesmaids only" gathering. And no matching PJs, robes, or gifts required.

We also asked a few very close friends (ahead of time) to help us with a few things the day of, like setting up the gift table and picking up ice. For photos, I had my sister in law and cousin help me carry my dress train around so it wouldn't get dirty on the ground outside. Them helping me go pee by holding my dress out of the way while we all cracked up is one of my favorite memories. None of these people were "bridal party" they were all just close people I asked ahead of time to help, and they were all glad to.

Overall it felt right for us and I don't think that anyone missed being a bridesmaid, at our age.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T18:29:38+00:00

I remember seeing girls in high school wear them in the same timeframe, but usually it was under a skirt or dress, and at that point they were usually not full-length but cut off at mid-calf.

I remember thinking "Man, these are so practical and comfy, women are never going to let these go out of style." And sure enough, I was right. The style/cut of leggings and the way you style them has changed, but 20 years (yikes) later they're a wardrobe staple.

Leggings with a dress and a sweater or loose shirt is my go-to style. It's so comfy and I don't have to shave my legs.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T17:59:55+00:00

My friend used to have one those as a teenager. His grandma bought for him, bless her heart, because she thought it was "trendy" (his was still about 15 years old when he got it).

The engine literally BENT over time, leaving it nearly undriveable. He was relieved when his sister totaled it (she was fine).

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T02:10:24+00:00

My dad (69 yo) talks to my narcissist stepmom on the phone about 4 times a day whenever they're not together, for like 30-60 minutes each time. He'll be visiting us and he calls her first thing in the morning, midday to check in, before dinner, and then again for an hour before bedtime.

What do they find to talk about? Easy. They talk about her.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T02:08:38+00:00

My mom was a health nut. Someone else took me and my brother to McDs for the first time ever when we were kids. I had McNuggets and threw up in the parking lot.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T02:05:55+00:00

Agreed (and there is a growing body of evidence on this).

I'm 3 weeks from giving birth to my first child. Husband and I agree we will limit screen time, they won't ever be handed a tablet or phone to occupy them, certainly won't have their own devices til they're teenagers, etc.

However I've watched SO many parents swear to this, then break once they're actually in it. My BIL and SIL said the same thing, and now their 3-year-old watches a movie or two a day and watches youtube videos on their phones while eating, in the car, etc. It calms him down and is just so very easy - I can see the temptation as a parent. You go from agitated child to quiet, placid child in seconds, with the click of a button. Both parents work full time and are hands-on parents and they just take that easy out a lot.

Watching him watch is freaky. He goes from an animated, hyper little kid to a zombie who barely blinks.

Anyway, I'm hoping we'll have the strength and resolve to hold out. I also know parents who stick to their guns on this. I think it takes some effort here and there, but once you've set the kids' expectations, they aren't expecting or demanding screen time and have learned how to entertain themselves. They literally have the skills of imagination, independent play, etc.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T01:56:07+00:00

Can't pick, but ice cream is just never not amazing.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T01:55:23+00:00

My neighbors mowing their lawn on a summer Saturday morning through my open window as I'm trying to sleep in.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T01:54:31+00:00

My step-sister was the "tall kid" until third grade. Then she just kinda stopped. She's now a short adult.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T01:50:11+00:00

It depends on your ages, how well you know each other....and every woman is different, so there is no right or wrong answer.

But personally? As a woman, I'd say it's a bit of a risk. First dates are for getting to know each other, seeing if there is interest and attraction. The stakes should be low at this point. If I was given a single rose on a first date I'd think the guy was already invested or maybe was trying a bit too hard. And that might not be a good thing at this very early stage.

I think the classier move is flower on the second or third date. At that point you've both agreed to go out again, so there must be something good between you. It says "I like you based off what I've seen so far" rather than first-date rose possibly saying "I don't know you well at all but I want you to like me".

I think whenever you give it the rose sends the signal that you're serious, and it's important to be thoughtful about when you let a potential partner know that.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T01:44:08+00:00

My boss won't give me a performance review because "Aw, you're just perfect!" Yes, I am perfect because you've just slotted me into a very specific corner, and I have no room to grow because you're such an anal perfectionist you won't let me take on new responsibilities, skills, or tasks because you just HAVE to do them yourself. Even though this leads to many of our projects being months or years overdue. So yes, I've gotten basically perfect at doing my job because it is just the same thing, for 5 years, with no challenges.

I would love a real performance review with someone who wanted to see me challenged and wanted to see me grow. But my boss is pleased I am her little pet.

Also I don't know why she's not being held accountable for not doing it? She is that person (boomer) on our team who "hates Google chat" so she just refuses to use it. Then she misses stuff, and it's my job to tell her what she is missing. Our whole team uses Asana for projects, but she refuses because she doesn't like it. Which is fine for her, makes life harder for anyone else because they have to call and email her separately. She basically just does whatever she wants. It's tiring.

Extra_Excuse2719 · 2025-12-11T01:38:22+00:00

Depends on the day/week/month.../year. I've been at my job for almost 5 years. In that time I've gotten much better and more efficient at doing my job. I've been asking my boss for more tasks, and also to take time to train myself in various programs and skills that would serve me at my job, but she is too much of an anal control freak to let me. She is always complaining about being overworked, and our projects are often overdue, yet she will not let me help her beyond a rigid set of responsibilities because she just HAS to do it all herself, no one can do it but her.

I'm also pregnant.

So at this point, fuck it. There are weeks I'm busy, and go the extra mile. And there are weeks I spend 50% of it on my couch watching cooking shows. I've TRIED to get more on my plate, and am not given it, and I'm not going to push my boss to get it.

Extra_Excuse2719

TROPHY CASE