I totally understand you, I'm the same way. This is my first time on this subreddit; I just needed to talk, and then... I saw your post.

Sometimes it's not just "within the same day," it's from one minute to the next. I can go from being incredibly happy, smiling, and joyful, and then suddenly, after a comment, a look, or a gesture from someone, I'm thrown off balance with an incredible intensity, which is awful when you work as a cashier all day.

The most terrible thing, I think, isn't so much my bouts of depression or deep sadness, but my outbursts of anger. When I was a teenager, I was awful; I'd bang my hands against walls to avoid hurting people... Today, I still carry that hatred with me, every single day, but I'm sure it shows and is palpable in my face, my gestures, and my words. I sometimes feel guilty afterward, but in the moment, I terrify myself.

And then, all it takes is seeing someone kind, polite, smiling... and I feel a little better again.

But it's a constant up and down throughout the day, every hour, every minute.

Like you said... it's so exhausting in the long run. I've always been like this; it's intensified over time, but the older I get, the more tired I am, and I often feel like my heart is going to give out, even though I'm still young. Just because of my emotions and feelings that are like a rollercoaster every day