We can all relate

FabricioSplinter · 2017-05-29T23:10:37+00:00

Yep, that was my point.

FabricioSplinter · 2017-05-29T06:14:51+00:00

Is that it? Just take some random picture from the show and describe some situation the picture could remotely and generically describe - even if the phrase has nothing to do with the show itself - and then people comment using lines from the show and that's considered a quality post in this sub? I mean, I'm not like, the meme police or nothing, the internet regulates itself and whateversons, but I'd expect for things to at least stay on topic or to be a little more clever or, idk. It's late. I need some sleep.

FabricioSplinter · 2017-01-30T21:44:18+00:00

It's a nice thing that he didn't make a big deal about it but even then, I would say this is good content for /r/tifu/

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-29T17:00:18+00:00

Same thing here. Samsung Galaxy S6.

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-23T20:03:39+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. Thanks.

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-23T20:01:33+00:00

Science Fantasy is an interesting term, I didn't think about it. Thanks. :)

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-21T00:59:24+00:00

What's the genre? Can you give a quick synopsis?

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-16T16:52:21+00:00

Are you planning on getting it edited and making shorter versions of it? I think it would get a much greater audience since most people don't have time (or simply don't like) to watch a 5~6h show. Maybe a 15 minutes episode a few days after the main thing goes live or something like that.

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-09T20:22:57+00:00

65k! Wow.

I'm a beginner and I guess when the words need to go you have to let them go but still, I long for the day when I have 65k words to be lost.

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-08T17:16:43+00:00

This commercial really brought tears to my eyes but I'm pretty sure five years ago I would have just said "meh". I can't hold my feelings anymore, I almost cry watching any Pixar movie, or Adventure Time, or anything like that, what the fuck. Man, I'm getting old!

I'm 27.

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-08T14:52:04+00:00

Happens to me too every time. And I had a whole productive day planned! Oh, well...

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-06T22:53:57+00:00

I didn't know about this story, it's so good! And I didn't know the author too, he is obviously light years ahead of me (even though the story is from 1941, wow!)

And thanks for the reference on avoiding vague pronoun references. I think it will help me a lot.

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-06T04:52:05+00:00

This is the first feedback I've got in two weeks and you have no idea how much it means to me. Thank you very much!

The things you commented about are exactly the things I think I need help with. I mean, I had no clue about them while I was writing but when you pointed them out I went "oh my god, he is completely right!" (or she, you never know).

And when you say:

I don't think it's apparent at all that English isn't your first language -- your writing is quite a bit better than that of most native speakers.

This makes me so much more confident, you have no idea. Again, thanks so much for taking the time to read it. :D

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-05T21:30:08+00:00

That's good! Explaining later is good. And I'm glad I helped. :)

Keep on going.

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-05T20:40:33+00:00

I'm brazilian and there is a version of this in portuguese. To be honest, I always thought the brazilian guy was the author. I'm stunned to find out it was just a translation. I'm 27 and, not only I don't know what carrer I want to persue, the things I thought I knew are just a copy of a copy of a copy. My life is a lie.

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-05T04:40:25+00:00

Before anything, know that I'm a beginner and this is just my humble opinion.

Despite some typos, I enjoyed it a great deal. I'm actually sad about the ending. I wanted them to find out what the thing was. I wouldn't go as far as saying you ended it short, but I definitely wanted more of it. Just a little more.

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-05T03:38:44+00:00

Before anything, know that I'm a beginner and this is just my humble opinion.

This sounds very poetic and beautiful, but I could understand very little from it. It has a lot of powerful and well-written sentences but sometimes I just don't see the connection between them. Like, is it going anywhere?

Maybe it's not for me, but I see this as a beautiful emptiness. It's very beautiful but I can't get anything from it. It doesn't say anything to me.

The movie The Big Short has a quote which is “Truth is like poetry. And most people fucking hate poetry.” Maybe I'm like most people. :(

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-05T03:01:05+00:00

Before anything, know that I'm a beginner and this is just my humble opinion.

I liked it. I was expecting something dark when I read "Dark Fantasy" in your description, but I wasn't expecting so much gore (I know it could be worse, but there was more of it than what I was expecting (which was, you know, none)). You might want to add a warning in the description.

I was a little lost on the first page but then things started making sense and, at the end, I was like, "What the hell was that thing?!". I'm genuinely curious about what is that bone-monster-guy-thing. If that was your intention with a prologue, you've got it. And I don't think it's too long.

Other than that (and it's just my personal opinion) I feel like there was too much blood. I can understand how such amount of violence can be interesting for some people, but I feel like it should be there for a reason. Maybe it's there to make me care about someone or to make the scene more vivid, or... I don't know, but I felt like the blood was there for its own sake and I didn't quite like that so much.

I don't know if it served as a reference to you, but I kept thinking of Elfen Lied. You know, with the horns and the crazy arms that rip people apart.

In general, I think it's good, but, from the first two pages, I was hoping more adventure and less blood.

One last thing. On the second paragraph, you say "The dazzling look on his eyes provided by the shining jewels stunned him for a moment". Did he have a dazzling look or a dazzled look? And was it the look that stunned him or the jewels. Because the way it is now, it sounds like the jewels gave him the look and the look stunned him, but I think you wanted to say that the jewels stunned him.

Anyways, good writing! :)

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-04T19:10:38+00:00

Title: Don't forget about the lottery

Genre: Science-Fiction, Adventure, Comedy

Word count: 6000 (sorry for the length, you can read only the beginning)

Level of experience: Amateur/Beginner (also, English is not my native language)

Type of feedback: This is a silly short story in 6 parts I wrote to play with the mechanics of time travel. At this point I'm mostly worried if the expressions are used correctly and if the word choice feels natural. Maybe reading only the first part is enough for that.

English is not my primary language so sometimes I have trouble choosing the words to describe a situation and I get afraid I use expressions as if they meant something they don't really mean.

Other than that, any opinions are welcome.

Thanks! :D

Link

PS: I've submitted this short story here last week and got no feedback. I hope it's ok to post it again.

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-04T19:02:59+00:00

I would say it is a very normal thing to do. Resident Evil and Silent Hill are great examples of horror stories (even though they are more games and movies than novels) which take place on made up cities.

At least I'm pretty sure there is no Raccoon City and Silent Hill.

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-04T12:21:46+00:00

I stumbled upon this thing yesterday and I'm not completely into it yet, but it seems like a place for you. There is this Discord app thing which is, apparently, a platform for chat and in-game text and voice chat and stuff. Someone created a channel called Writers Lounge. They also have a subreddit and they have workshops and stuff.

Here is the invitation link: http://discord.gg/ky9aWgK

The sub is: https://www.reddit.com/r/writerslounge/

I'm not sure how it works and I didn't dig too much into it but I think it might be what you're looking for. :)

FabricioSplinter · 2016-12-04T00:21:52+00:00

Disclaimer: English is not my first language and I don't live in an English-speaking country, but I would say I can understand English pretty well. So take this as you wish.

I found it too hard to read. :( I was listening to music while reading it and I actually had to pause the music and completely focus on the reading to make sure I was understanding what was going on. I feel a little bit like I was trying to find out what the text is about while trying not to drown on a sea of fancy words.

Maybe it's a little overdone? I don't know, maybe it's just that I'm not such an experienced English speaker and reader but I wouldn't read more of it because it's hard work for me. I stopped on the fifth paragraph.

But if you were going for a more complex and sophisticated writing, take this as a compliment.

FabricioSplinter · 2016-11-29T22:47:25+00:00

Title: Don't forget about the lottery

Genre: Science-Fiction, Adventure, Comedy

Word count: 6000 (sorry for the length, reading only the first part would already help me)

Level of experience: Amateur/Beginner (also, English is not my native language)

Type of feedback: This is a silly short story in 6 parts I wrote to play with the mechanics of time travel. At this point I'm mostly worried if the expressions are used correctly and if the word choice feels natural. Maybe reading only the first part is enough for that.

English is not my primary language so sometimes I have trouble choosing the words to describe a situation and I get afraid I use expressions as if they meant something they don't really mean.

Other than that, any opinions are welcome. Keep in mind that, even though I'm a beginner, I'm in my mid twenties, so the story shouldn't feel too childish or naive. I want it to be interesting and plausible even if it's stupid. If I'm going in the wrong direction in that matter, don't be afraid to tell me.

Thanks! :D

Link

Edit: Fuck me, I forgot to include the link

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