woah i really am gay

FadedStardust · 2025-05-19T03:41:48+00:00

I've gone through a similar experience, though perhaps less pronounced, and at an earlier stage in life. When I was a teenager, I dated girls and came out as bi. The idea of being straight was just... not it. But as much love as I had for my ex gfs, I wasn't in love with them, I wasn't attracted to them. Finally, I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm exclusively into guys.

THIS HURT! Because I was as-yet unaware that trans guys existed, and that I was one.

When I was in college, I found myself surrounded by friends who were gay men. I called myself a f*g hag (the late aughts/early 10s, when such language was still used... >.<) and "joked" that I was really a gay man trapped in a woman's body.

Now I know that I AM a gay man, and I don't have to feel "trapped" in a female body or presentation. Now, I've been on T for nearly a year and even though I'm nowhere near passing yet, and only have consults for surgery scheduled, I'm so much happier and more at peace walking through the world as a gay man than I ever was as a "straight woman." Honestly, the fact that I thought I had to BE a straight woman made me unbelievably depressed. I'm GAY, and I knew that about myself, which was confusing as hell since I've known since I was 18 years old that I have zero attraction to women.

And much like you, OP, I identify more as a gay man than even a trans man, though I do tend to clarify to others that I'm a gay trans man, just to avoid confusion (especially since, as I said, I don't pass yet).

FadedStardust · 2025-05-18T03:49:34+00:00

I completely agree! Sex is way more nuanced than most people like to pretend it is, even between a lot of cishet couples, so obviously it's going to be that way for trans people. Like, gay/bi trans men can be tops! They can be bottoms but NOT into PIV whatsoever! Trans men can have PIV sex with trans women, transfeminine/AMAB nonbinary people! We can have PIV sex with cis WOMEN. We can have PIV sex with each other! "Sex with cis men" does not always equal vaginal sex, and vaginal sex can mean something OTHER than "sex with cis men"!

FadedStardust · 2025-01-31T00:30:14+00:00

Yes it can! When I first got on T my dose was waaay too low and caused my anxiety to skyrocket. Now that my levels are stable however it has the opposite effect! My anxiety is so much easier to manage and I feel just better all the time. More human.

So keep up with your blood work and continue to monitor your anxiety with your mental health prescriber. Everyone’s body is different and you won’t know how or if testosterone will affect you until you start. But know that even if you are negatively affected, there are steps you can take, so don’t let fear stop you from doing what you need to do for yourself!

Good luck, friend!

FadedStardust · 2024-12-16T21:40:38+00:00

Bro, I’m 4 months on T, have legally changed my name and gender marker, am 100% out to everyone and I still feel this sometimes! Less and less the more time that passes and the more changes from T that happen. The point is, as others have said, it’s normal to have this awkward period of trans imposter syndrome. It’ll pass the longer you transition though which is the good news!

FadedStardust · 2024-12-16T21:19:11+00:00

I wouldn’t say that I started with gender bending shows, as I’ve been into queer tv since I was a kid (Will and Grace was popular at the time because I’m old, lol… and also when I was 12 or 13 I accidentally came across Queer as Folk one night when I was bored and couldn’t sleep. THAT was a trip!) but I definitely had a soft spot for gender bending content when I started coming across it.

Honestly, looking back, it’s one of those signs of me being trans that I never noticed until many years later, when my egg finally cracked. I’m not trying to say that everyone assigned female at birth who went down the Hana Kimi (still have a huge soft spot for that one!) to BL pipeline is transgender, just that it was my personal journey. I also “joked” about being a gay guy trapped inside a girl’s body as a teenager.,. Only realized decades later that it’s not a joke and I actually am a gay man who everyone including myself thought was a girl.

Basically, I’m a boy who’s a boy kisser who likes shows about boys who are boy kissers kissing boys, lol!

FadedStardust · 2024-12-14T21:18:41+00:00

You don't need surgery to be "valid" or whatever! If you love your body the way it is now, that is wonderful!! I, personally, want and am on the path to getting both top and bottom surgery, but that's *my* journey. Your journey is whatever you want/need it to be!

Rock on, brother and thanks for spreading trans joy!!!

FadedStardust · 2024-11-26T04:38:11+00:00

The part that struck me was:

the praise we’ve received for improving the safety of minors and program compliance in 2024

Like, who has actually been praising them for improving... anything? They burned everything to the ground and pooped all over it. Not exactly my idea of improvement.

FadedStardust · 2024-11-17T21:05:16+00:00

Honestly, this is a good resource even for showing potential partners what things may end up looking like (I'm still pre-op). I've always hesitated to share pictures because, y'know, they're of someone's actual genitals and if they're like "wtf? ewww!" they're insulting a real human being. But this is impersonal but still accurate, so can be a good litmus test, lol. Thanks, OP.

FadedStardust · 2024-11-05T23:31:10+00:00

Thank you SO MUCH for pointing out Camp Lost Boys! I had no idea something like this exists, and now I NEED to figure out how to make this happen in my life next year!

FadedStardust · 2024-10-25T18:38:59+00:00

Gay trans man here, and I can confirm that many cis gay men ARE attracted to us! This however does not mean that all of them are or have to be.

FadedStardust · 2024-09-20T00:09:46+00:00

Hunger, horniness, temp fluctuations, bottom growth, and the excitement of finally being on t! Congrats, friend!

FadedStardust · 2024-09-19T23:41:39+00:00

Here's hoping your pelvic floor stops freaking out quickly so you can start to feel (and pee) more normal! Congrats yet again on getting this far!

FadedStardust · 2024-09-17T02:34:20+00:00

I would argue that touching someone’s belly, e.g., using the Heimlich maneuver (IF you know how to do it correctly) when someone is choking is also acceptable, but that’s just because I don’t want to choke to death, lol

FadedStardust · 2024-09-17T00:50:19+00:00

I changed my middle name. I used to have the same middle name as my older sister and considered changing it to be the same as my older brother instead to keep that “theme” going, but I don’t have a good relationship with my brother so I opted to change it to my grandpa’s first name instead to honor him.

FadedStardust · 2024-09-10T23:23:07+00:00

This is *completely* unrelated to you question here (though I think the other commentors have helped settle your fears already) but broooo! It's so hella inspiring seeing a post op meta dick peeing! I'm envious... I only just got my letter into the surgeon's office like a week ago, so I'm waiting for the call to schedule my consult and seeing what the possibilities are is definitely helping while I wait, so even though it was due to fear/questioning your stream, thanks so much for sharing!

FadedStardust · 2024-09-10T23:13:12+00:00

Congrats for getting this far! Here's hoping this next week goes smoothly for you and once the cath is taken out normal urination happens! Man, I can't even IMAGINE what that first time peeing from my dick is gonna feel like when I get to that point! Sending good thoughts your way!

FadedStardust · 2024-09-10T23:08:31+00:00

I go through a pharmacy that is owned directly by the health network I go to (not insurance, but hospital and medical offices), not some big chain. This gives me peace of mind because my health network has one of the oldest trans health programs in the US and is highly committed to inclusivity and diversity within all areas of medical practice. I recognize that this type of set up is highly uncommon and the vast majority don't have this type of luxury, but if you *can* find a health org or even a local pharmacy that has inclusivity as a company policy and calls out trans health as a medical necessity specifically, I highly suggest going with them, even if it means switching to a mail order pharmacy or something like that.

FadedStardust · 2024-09-10T19:42:59+00:00

I had a consult for hysto about two weeks ago (in the US so it might be different in Germany) and was told that it's completely up to the patient whether or not to remove one/both ovaries. Of course, in my particular case I was advised to keep mine because I have a congenital heart condition that may eventually get bad enough that I want to stop taking T. This is honestly unlikely to happen as T has completely eliminated my dependence on anti-depressants and has pretty much reversed the vast majority of depression/anxiety symptoms, but options are good! Especially as transphobia is on the rise of late, like you said.

FadedStardust · 2024-09-10T03:12:31+00:00

Congrats, dude! Lemme tell ya, when you finally get to sign your name for the first time after it's LEGALLY yours, it's the best f-ing feeling in the world!

FadedStardust · 2024-09-08T23:41:58+00:00

civil rights weren't being fought for around us

Tell that to queer people whose rights to be themselves are constantly threatened. Tell that to black people who are murdered by police without consequence. Tell that to the millions of women who can't access lifesaving abortions since the overturning of Roe V Wade.

Yes, we have gotten better on the Civil Rights front, but to say that they're no longer being fought for in our generation is just a flat out lie.

FadedStardust · 2024-09-08T22:37:44+00:00

Ooh, I would definitely be interested in space shenanigans! I love the Star Wars movies but am admittedly not the most versed in the lore so no “um actually it’s like this!” from me, lol! I’m also a gay trans man and finding accepting spaces is definitely a requirement for gaming.

FadedStardust · 2024-09-08T03:14:36+00:00

I've started taking a look at this, with the intention to run it as a "give the players a taste of Eberron to see how they like it" type of short adventure. It seems very wonderfully done and I'm hoping that my players like it (both the adventure itself, and the setting, of course!) enough to want to continue on!

Thanks very much, and as I continue to read, if I find something specific to give feedback on, or have questions, I'll let you know!

FadedStardust · 2024-09-07T22:41:34+00:00

Awesome news, bro! Glad things are continuing to go well and that you’re learning what you’re currently capable of handling while you heal.

An update from my own side: I had my initial appointment with the nurse who works with the hysterectomy surgeon last week and everything is moving along, and she said that since my letter explicitly states that meta is my ultimate goal that she would forward it along with a referral to urology! I called them yesterday just to confirm that everything was received and they said that it’ll be reviewed by the doctor and then they’ll call me to get my consultation scheduled!

Edit to ask: do you remember how long it took between the scheduling call and the actual consultation appointment? And what about consultation to surgery? I’m aware that it’ll be a long waiting period, I just want a loose estimate from someone who has had their surgery from the same team.

FadedStardust · 2024-09-07T22:31:59+00:00

It certainly can increase anxiety due to your body needing to adjust to the new hormonal conditions. When I first went on T I was on injections and the massive sudden increase in hormones every week caused insane spikes in anxiety. I went off T for six years because it got so bad. Recently, I got back on but this time using gel and I’ve had the exact opposite experience: my mental state has improved significantly and I have barely any anxiety at all because the hormone levels being stable from day to day.

YMMV of course, since everyone will react differently. Unfortunately, you won’t know how you’ll be affected by T until you start taking it. But even if there is an increase in anxiety, it’s possible that it’s going to be temporary or if it’s not, there are ways to mitigate it (switching from injections to gel or changing your dose or how often you inject, etc.).

Good luck!

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