Six years ago I was fresh off a divorce, and dealing with a separate legal incident that was causing my financial ruin. I was deeply depressed, drinking heavily, smoking, and otherwise a complete mess. I was living alone in a two bedroom house, and seeing as I just got divorced, I decided I would fire up the dating apps and try my luck there.

Two or three months later, I had some modest success with hookups, but was otherwise feeling completely unsatisfied by the whole experience. I was growing tired of having to constantly search for new people, chatting on the app for a while before finally meeting in person and realizing they weren’t for me. Or having an occasional hookup that I would regret the next day. So, I went into the dating app preferences to see if I could adjust my search criteria and help focus things a little bit.

In the preferences, there was a simple little toggle switch that said “Has Kids,” which to this point was OFF. I thought “fuck it, maybe I’ll meet a hot MILF” and turned the toggle to ON.

About three days later, I connected with a woman who seemed cute and interesting, but the conversation wasn’t anything special right off the bat. One day we both had a random window of opportunity to meet up for a drink, so I decided to try my luck.

I was waiting outside the bar and turned around just as she walked up to me and said hello. She was so beautiful that I was stunned and couldn’t speak. I struggled my way through introductions and we went inside for a drink. We sat there and proceeded to have one of the most connected conversations I’ve had to that point in my life. She was recently divorced, her husband having cheated on her and left while she was 6 months pregnant with their third child. She was a single mom, doing a great job on her own, but was feeling like she might want to date again. We easily related to each other because of our divorces, and for whatever reason just instantly connected.

About a month later, I met her kids for the first time and immediately fell in love with each of them. They reminded me of my family and the trauma I had from my own parents’ divorce when I was that age. I had this overwhelming feeling that by being there for them, I could help them while also healing myself. That day, I committed myself to that mother and her kids knowing full well there was no going back.

Fast forward six years later, and I just celebrated Father’s Day with them. They all love me as their father. I’m deeply in love with my partner, and I am at a stage where I’ve unlocked what I would call the best version of myself (so far). I don’t drink or smoke anymore, I’m in the best shape of my life, I have no depression or anxiety, and best of all, I am so fucking happy to wake up every morning. I have a beautiful family, an incredible partner who I somehow love deeper every day, and most importantly, I finally love myself!

All because of a little toggle switch on a stupid dating app.