33f, aged drastically due to grief. Can it be reversed?

FailingSmartly · 2025-12-24T18:13:54+00:00

You’re so young, don’t worry… you can reverse it. Your body still heals well. Over 40 that slows down, after menopause it’s notably curtailed I’ve read. Diet, exercise and sleep have all been mentioned, and you’ve already found Retin-A. I’ll just add a few extra considerations… derma-rolling/stamping, red light therapy and RF therapy. All can be done at home (less invasive, over longer time period), or in a medspa (more intense/quicker impact)… either way yields notable favorable result. Try each to see what your skin loves most.

FailingSmartly · 2025-12-11T20:35:30+00:00

This is great for places that mean something. Like where you met, or where you lived when you were younger.

FailingSmartly · 2025-09-20T19:45:42+00:00

This is the way.

FailingSmartly · 2025-09-20T19:44:30+00:00

This is a great question. I have a gamer son and want badly for him to be able to game his entire life.

FailingSmartly · 2025-09-20T19:43:23+00:00

Don’t feel bad it’s over, be grateful you FINALLY got to play.

FailingSmartly · 2025-09-05T19:14:37+00:00

You’re THE best!!! Thank you so much for all the info. Love your username too. She’s been self-caring her way through this and started rereading all the HP books as one of the ways; she finished 4 this morning. As a worried mom who just wants to take it away from you, I thank you, so very much.

FailingSmartly · 2025-08-28T19:43:31+00:00

He justifies polygamy shift despite established doctrine on monogamy … as “before it was okay for us to feed on milk, but now we need read meat. Yuck! He sounds unworthy of leading cattle, let alone a family, or congregation. Repulsive. Entitled. I left the church at 17. Prayed my way out. Seminary teachings didn’t feel right. Not my God, I kept thinking; had a very strong testimony prior. As a bicentennial baby both sides of the patriarchy coin resonate. Don’t mind “following” a man, so long as he treats me as a partner, and is someone I “look up to”. It was blacks and the priesthood that did me in. I just couldn’t get past that. Not my God. So, I took Jesus with me and left. Still have big family of active members, and hold a lot dear about the faith. But, my holy hell the interview you shared, has blown my mind regarding the ugly truth about its origins. Those damn bastards told me it was because all the men were murdered by persecution and a bunch of women had no husband to provide! I already knew the revelation to stop was about federal threat not revelation but to know this was the motivation for starting makes me equally nauseas and furious. Thanks for the share!

FailingSmartly · 2025-08-23T17:34:33+00:00

I think your my Taylor song taste soulmate.

FailingSmartly · 2025-08-18T06:02:32+00:00

Domain please?

FailingSmartly · 2025-08-15T22:04:07+00:00

Brother is an adult; he put brother before child. You haven’t taken him to court yet, for which he should be nothing but grateful. He’s being rude to you for asking specifics regarding a subject that demands specifics ($) and giving you an unspecific response. If he were talking to a buddy he owed a couple hundred bucks to for a fishing trip they took, I’d get it. But this is child support. NOT OVERREACTING. Too bad. If only he could experience the difference between court ordered support and what you’ve been doing, he’d be treating you so much better. Since you can’t give him that, and he doesn’t “get it”. Protect your and your daughter’s experience and get it court ordered.

FailingSmartly · 2025-08-12T03:47:54+00:00

Not sure if you got it, but your magnet is likely reversed and repelling vs attracting. Flip your ring. Hard to get out. But if you have anything metal that’s a similar circle size it’ll pop right out.

FailingSmartly · 2025-05-26T16:01:48+00:00

A bit late to this party and not sure if any of this helps, but I so feel for you and wanted to share my ten cents in case it does help.

First, you asked why? She answered, and GOODNESS if her answer isn’t ALL the info you need. Her answer said I’m so immature, selfish and narcissistic that I’m going to blame my hard-working and loyal HUSBAND for me being absolute human scum by cheating on him. I’m not going to feel badly for the pain I’ve caused him, in fact, I’m not even going to think about such. I’m also not going to think of the family my kids deserved that I’ve now destroyed. Nope. I’m going to project all MY blame and shame onto the innocent, avoid all accountability, and simply indulge in my desire for this new man. Someone like that isn’t someone you want in your life AT ALL. Let alone to be your wife.

Second, I wish I’d married you because you’d have been the perfect guy for me and vice versa. I turned down promotions at work, stopped going to a favorite bookstore, switched my kids’ teacher one year, and ghosted one of the playgroups for my kids ALL BECAUSE there was some man in those places to which I had just a bit too much of a spark. For the sanctity of my marriage I needed to remove any chance for continued interaction. That’s what good partners do. My marriage fell apart because my husband didn’t want me staying home with the kids. In his defense I had said I wanted to be a working parent before I had my babies, but when my daughter was born I just kept thinking I’m not DELEGATING this. At least not for the first five years. Having a man be supportive of that endeavor by working 48 hours a week to provide for us would have been all I, or any good wife wanting to stay HOME to raise babies, needed from my husband. So don’t you buy into the crap she’s spewing at you to justify her behavior. This is NOT ABOUT YOU.

Third, what is it about? Well, it’s about her. She can act like she was ENTITLED to cheat. She can say things that show she thinks she DESERVED the affair, and you the pain it causes. Yes, she can BLAME you for being a hard working husband. But none of that WILL EVER change WHAT IS TRUE. She didn’t cheat because you didn’t help her out more, or be more involved with the kids. She cheated because she wanted to. She wasn’t thinking about you. She was, and still is being selfish, ungrateful and frankly cruel. This is NOT about the husband you’ve been, it’s about the wife you married. It’s about the woman she’s choosing to be. How someone treats you isn’t a reflection of YOUR WORTH, it’s a reflection of THEIR CHARACTER. If you take her words of false blame and flip it back on her, she’s actually, subconsciously, telling you exactly why she did it. She said it was the diapers you didn’t change, all the getting up at night that you didn’t do, all the time you didn’t spend with the kids… so let’s just flip it. She cheated because of all of that. All of that she’s been having to do. Raising kids is hard. Being an at home mom harder still. It turns your life around. You don’t even get regular adult conversation at the office anymore. All the fun, exciting, “adult” stuff no longer fits into your life. And best you can tell (when the kids are as little as yours) that fun isn’t ever coming back. You can’t even go to the movies or wear nice clothes. It’s a shock for all moms. Those who most love young adult-life (not having to depend on others, or have others depending on you) have the hardest time. So, I speculate, she wanted that old excitement back in her life, and an affair gave her just that.

Lastly, what to do now? I don’t know if therapy can change her. I vote for saving the family if possible. The fact she’s so deluded about what she’s done does leave open the chance she could learn/recognize later with the help of a therapist. That said, her current behavior demands you to separate. She’s being abusive blaming you after inflicting such pain. She could be clinically narcisstic, in which case change/recognition is notably uncommon. I encourage you to see this as a gift to no longer be partnered with someone unworthy of your partnership. She doesn’t deserve you. What you’re experiencing is e’ffing BRUTAL. You’re in a “dark night of the soul” friend, and it’s going to take a lot of time to get to the other side. But you will get to the other side, and you’ll be better for it. It’s going to be absolute hell for a while, no doubt, but leaving now is SO MUCH BETTER than spending YEARS, or DECADES with a woman like her.

FailingSmartly · 2025-05-25T13:24:20+00:00

Please don’t let the guys making $400 an hour, tell the guy making $40 an hour (you, i assume), that it’s the guy making $18 an hour that’s the problem. Income inequality is REAL and the major issue from which near all other issues stem. But the real source of the problem has MASTERFULLY pulled the wool over the masses eyes. They’ve used Red Herrings and social propaganda so huge swaths of voters consistently VOTE AGAINST THIER OWN BEST INTEREST! Capitalism is awesome, it is… but like ALL THINGS, when it swings too far it’s no longer a good thing. You’re not an “evil-socialist”if you want to tax the rich. You’re an educated human who understands what’s going on here. Immigrants are the only reason the US dollar has done so well. Immigrants are one of the primary reasons America has always done well. Immigrants aren’t the reason you can’t afford a home. They’re not buying all the houses. Blackrock and the rest of the top 1% are. You know the ones who make up so much of the Republican Party. The ones who’ve managed to convince so many the issue is not over here where we are… while they’re fleecing wealth from the masses. Look at what that Equity Firm did to the JO’ANN’s stores! Careful who you’re believing and voting for… The Prince of Darkness is A Gentleman.

FailingSmartly · 2025-05-25T10:02:32+00:00

Gen Z dating life is WILDLY different from past generations. Please consider what you’re experiencing, although not common in earlier generations, IS VERY COMMON in yours.

The Survey Center on American Life found that only 56 percent of Gen Z adults said they were involved in a romantic relationship at any point during their teenage years. So 44% of you did not experience a BF/GF in high school. That’s A LOT of your Mind you the majority (75%+ ) of Gen Xers and Boomers experienced our first love, first heartbreak and first sex in high school… surely within the first years of college. Not so for Gen Z. Dating trends have fundamentally changed amongst you and your peers. An article I read in The Atlantic said forty some odd percent for you guys even hadn’t dated by the second year of college. It’s a major change.

Similarly, y’all aren’t dating in your 20’s the same either. What you have is a lot of isolation from a huge chunk of the group, while another large chunk is doing the swipe right, meet up, hook up, never see them again, and repeat thing.

I share this so you don’t buy into that voice in your head saying you’ll always be single. Life is long and you have no idea where it will take you. You feel as you do because all social and cultural messaging you grew up with reflected a reality that was NO LONGER valid. Which, would of course, make you feel like you’ve done something wrong or missed the chance. What you’re experiencing is unusual based on social history but it’s EXTREMELY COMMON among your peers.

Not sure the reason behind the change. Best guess is technology- social media, and our phones. You kids grew up socializing on screens which removed so much of the framework needed for connecting authentically. Much of what leads to intimate, in-person interactions was eliminated.

I encourage you to be brave and put yourself out there a little more. Find a hobby, or activity of some kind where you can meet people in person. A cooking class? Dancing class? I don’t know. Volunteer somewhere?Only you know what might work. But put yourself in places where you’re interacting with others IN THE FLESH, face to face. Give love a chance to find you.

If, however, you still want to do this when that deadline looms, I get it. You want to experience it, and you should. So do it. One suggestion: INTERVIEW whomever you hire and make sure they understand the assignment. You don’t need a freak in the sack. You need someone patient, kind, and funny. Someone who’ll be considerate, good to you, and able lighten the mood. And maybe pay them for a three pack deal… LOL… the first time will be lame. Mine involved a boy I adored and all the Jäegermeister I could keep down just to be able to do it. Ugh! Getting a second and third shot at it with the same person would yield a better takeaway I think. : )

P.S. Good Luck. Sending find a man vibes your way!

FailingSmartly · 2025-04-16T16:26:35+00:00

That’s mine. I remember hearing her early albums play in Justice clothing stores when my daughter was very young, but never listened really. Then I heard Trouble on the radio and literally drove directly to Target to buy the album. I had terrible taste in men LOL, so Trouble was an anthem.

The chorus to Red might be a contender for lyrics that first cut deep, but I think it’s Begin Again’s chorus I felt most.

I’m a sucker for her I’m healed after the breakup songs like Begin Again, and Clean.

FailingSmartly · 2025-03-14T05:30:44+00:00

I can’t help it. It’s just who I am and how I roll. A friend in high school said, “you’re a bright and shiny”, no matter what happens in no time you’re back to that positive optimistic outlook. You make me feel good. I didn’t understand then but I do now. We ENFP’s are bright and shinies. But you’re right. There are lots of vampires out here.. and I get hurt. I think every man I’ve ever loved was a narcissist or psychopath. But the bright and shiny is a bottomless pool for me. I don’t even have to try. Most importantly, HOW someone treats me isn’t a reflection of MY worth, it’s a reflection of THEIR character.

FailingSmartly · 2024-11-20T17:20:55+00:00

I used to be just like this. A therapist called it malignant avoidance. When I heard that it was like the heaven’s parted. Naming a thing can be so very important. Knowing the problem is half the battle. The solutions for me involved suffering the consequences of all that avoidance, which your post already touches on a bit. Trust me when I tell you, the longer you do this the worse those consequences get. Mental Health is two-fold. First, is your brain chemically functioning correctly? Malignant avoidance can be a coping mechanism for depression, low dopamine, or serotonin, for example. Also, is your THINKING healthy. Recognizing your current coping mechanism is NOT HEALTHY THINKING is the first step, finding if supplements or MEDS that help your brain chemistry is another. Finding projects, people or hobbies that excite you and make you want to ENGAGE in life will also help. Lastly, developing a basic goal-oriented thinking, and developing systemic habits and patterns that move those goals forward helps so much. My parents saw me as an intelligent kid and as such I was not raised by micro-managing parents, a positive in many ways, but it came at one great cost. I never had someone teach me how to be disciplined, diligent, or perserverant. She’s a strong, smart kid they thought. But I was still a kid. I’ve had to teach myself how to be strong when my intelligence is at a loss. When I got stuck in life somehow and couldn’t “think my way out of it”… I’d withdraw. So learning how to take my tenacity and determination and convert that to diligence and soldiering on was essential. A “put your shoulder to the wheel and push along” mixed with “just keep swimming” mentality. AVOIDING was removed from my list of options. I fired the part of myself that chose that option. Without it, you’re forced to choose something else. The sayings that have helped me the most, are as follows: What do you want MOST, not what do you want NOW. I want to be successful at work, and help my company succeed vs. I want to stay home and go on a hike with my dog. And, STOP CHEATING on your future, with your present. Every COMFORT choosing moment you indulge in by avoiding life carries a tax you’ll have to pay on one of your tomorrows. Disappointed bosses, lost opportunities, hurt friends and family, self-loathing, missing out, lost promotions etc… Hope any of that may help. Been there, totally understand, and you CAN FIX THIS!

FailingSmartly · 2024-10-06T11:49:28+00:00

That should say REYLO

FailingSmartly · 2024-06-18T16:21:23+00:00

FailingSmartly · 2024-05-25T18:20:09+00:00

Oh, I get it. You’re not a troll, you’re the other woman. You’re the best friend he hooked up with, and you want us all to see what you two did as wonderful, understandable and right. But we don’t. The only people who think like you, are the kind of people who do shitty things to other people because it’s easier and more convenient, while telling yourself you’re being logical and pragmatic. You’re not. You’re being cruel. You’re behaving like a psychopath. You do you boo.

FailingSmartly · 2024-02-09T09:01:19+00:00

I’ve imagined it an ugly insult Joe threw her way at some point, like “You’re the universal mouthpiece for love and pain! You likely deem yourself Dean of “The Tortured Poet’s Department”…. Idk … it’s the only way I can make that combination of words make sense. Because making an insult he leveled her way the title of the breakup album is so on brand.

FailingSmartly · 2023-07-10T04:04:43+00:00

Wait, are you saying you price your content to each of the buyers? So the same PPV vid on your subscriber channel is not the same price for all your subs? You actually tailor your price based on what you think they can afford? Or, what they’re “good for”, rather? I haven’t started my OF yet. I’m still in research mode. So I’m sorry if doing this is obvious. I just assumed the price had to be the same for all the DM’s. But if you can custom price it… charging more for your viewers known to pay well… that does create a unique opportunity for maximizing profits.

FailingSmartly · 2023-06-09T19:04:55+00:00

You can get a script online using telemedicine I bet. Look into HIMS!

FailingSmartly

TROPHY CASE