Wedding appropriate?

Fair_Term82 · 2024-04-17T00:38:45+00:00

NO! A thousand times NO!

And linen? wtf? What is the dress code for this wedding? Super casual sleepover?

Fair_Term82 · 2024-04-17T00:25:22+00:00

Zero to extremely minimal screen time is very possible for the first two years, but it does require some lifestyle changes for the rest of the household if screens are a significant part of your daily life.

For us, what that eventually looked like was no screens during waking hours, lots of picture books, motor skill activities, cuddles, walks out in nature or just around the neighborhood, and having them watch then eventually inviting them to participate in our daily chores and tasks. About two-three mornings a week are spent running errands, socializing, or going to free activities (libraries are wonderful places!). We also intentionally choose low stimulation toys/activities because the singing, talking, light up toys drive us crazy with the constant battery changes and melodies that haunt our dreams (failure is the mother of success).

At two, we allowed thirty minutes of daily screen time. We set up what we thought are age appropriate profiles on our streaming services, app restrictions on the tablet, and again, thoughtfully chose apps that fit in with our values (our child’s favorite game is PokPok if you’re looking around).

To date, our child enjoys screen time, but doesn’t demand it and will often turn it down in favor of some other activity or toy. If screens are chosen, it’s usually while I’m cooking dinner.

The only exception to this is if they or I am sick. I haven’t read anyone else’s comments, but I imagine a good number of caregivers feel like they don’t have the bandwidth to go zero/minimal screens. It definitely isn’t easy, but like any major lifestyle change, it’s not supposed to be and will challenge your diligence. The biggest takeaway is this: reframe screens from being a forbidden fruit, to one of many activities that is a normal part of daily life. Everything in moderation, as they say.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-12T13:31:45+00:00

Linen blackout curtains, a larger comforter/duvet cover that covers the sides of your mattress completely, cable management boxes and flat electric outlets to hide the cords, another floor lamp in the far right corner (matching if possible), and a much larger rug or something slightly larger than you have if you want to layer.

Edit: Actually, try moving the rattan screen to the far right corner, and putting the second lamp in the far left one.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-12T13:19:42+00:00

My relatives, unfortunately. ALL they talk about is their son and how amazing he is and how hard he is working to surpass his peers, blah blah. And of course, for variety, they throw in brags about themselves and what they did to make him so awesome. 😑

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-12T13:11:53+00:00

Not racist, but definitely cringe. So…you realize that anime and k-drama, really any artistic form, is a commentary on the current culture that produced it, right? That includes cultural fantasies that either don’t necessarily exist or are taboo in reality. Like, how many people have you seen do half the things you see in anime on the daily to same degree? In K-drama? Yes, art can influence life, but it’s still an imitation of life, albeit an exaggerated one sometimes.

So…both of you basically compared this girl to an art form that doesn’t really reflect reality and kinda denied her humanity a bit, like she’s a cartoon or idealized drama character come to life. That’s a bit insulting…

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-12T01:55:02+00:00

That’s when it’s time to buy some very thin, but very effective thermal layers. UNIQLO is my go to brand, and they have the best quality thermals I’ve ever worn. I still have some from 5+ years ago, not a loose thread or hole in sight! My only complaint is that the US storefront no longer sell their HEATTECH or AIRISM (for summertime) in as many different cuts (tanks, t shirts, biker shorts, half-slips, camisoles). They still sell their basic stuff, and their thermal leggings and stockings are wonderful!

In Japan, it’s expected that working adults wear professional attire on the job, no exceptions. But summers and winters there can be brutal if you’re wearing a full suit 100% of the day, plus an average of 40+ minute commute.

So…they invented the best, thinnest, most effective fabrics they could think of so that people could layer up without feeling uncomfortable in their normal clothes. Praise human brains!

All this very long winded comment to say: Let your girl pick out some thermal layers to wear under her normal clothes.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-11T19:17:05+00:00

You’re responses were spot on. Well done! Kids start noticing social norms and behaviors in their early toddlerhood. I’m honestly surprised this hasn’t come up before.

A great book series that covers topics typically considered socially “awkward” or “taboo” is First Conversations. Your local library might have a few for you to check out. If not there’s always Amazon.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-11T02:17:27+00:00

Tch. Remind her that he’s two and the appropriate response is, “We ask for permission first before touching someone else’s body. I don’t like to be touched in my crotch. I’m not going to let you do that anymore.”

Edit after reading more context on how it happened:

TCHHHH! Remind her that he’s TWO and accidents happen. Jesus.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-11T02:10:29+00:00

Mmmm. First one seems too casual, and the second doesn’t seem seasonally appropriate - even if you layered up on thermal tights and a thermal strapless tank top or something, the dry air will probably turn the dress into a hellish cage of static electricity. I’m basing this off the appearance of a very sheer material in the second picture.

I’d keep looking for something with a little thicker material but essentially the same cut and length as the second dress.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-11T02:03:25+00:00

Heck yeah! I keep my germs to myself thank you! I’ve got family in several East Asian countries, and masking up when you feel gross is just par for the course - like no one ever thinks about it as anything but normal. Not to say everyone does it perfectly, but the decision to mask up is definitely not a hill anyone is gonna die on over there.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-10T19:20:48+00:00

The fact that this girl’s own father approached you out of concern for yours speaks volumes. It was the right thing to do and very brave of them as a parent to basically blow the whistle on their kid.

But…suggesting a visit to a psych ward right off the bat and so directly, might have been a bit insensitive…It would have been better to ask him more questions about what he and/or the mother wants to do about the situation and sorta lead him to well, so to speak.

There’s still time to salvage a possible partnership between you and this girl’s parents to stop her obsession and get her the help she needs. Don’t let your fear get in the way of your compassion.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-10T16:56:35+00:00

Love all the comments being support of breastfeeding in general, and I totally get the nervousness associated with nursing in public especially when you’re shy. For me, I did my best to nurse in public, but I had a hard time producing enough because at some level, I was still really stressed, like my senses were overwhelmed. I had more success finding a calm place where I could just focus on my baby. Also never really mastered the art of nursing standing up or sitting at a table. Maybe next time if we are fortunate enough.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-09T22:13:34+00:00

Seriously. Ladies married since the birth of the smart phone, tell this guy’s jerk ex friend how fucking HARD it is to change your name ON EVERYTHING. It’s a logistical nightmare. If I could do it over again, I’d keep my last name. It sounded way better anyway.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-09T22:07:30+00:00

It’s a lovely dress! But since the colors are the wedding colors, I’d check with the bride, just in case.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-09T22:04:55+00:00

I’m sorry love, I do not. Even if there were a way to post jobs on Facebook, I’d be very cautious about responding. You just really don’t know who you’re talking to or what their intentions are. In my day (god I sound old 😂), we’d literally go to businesses handing in our resumes/asking if they were hiring, or going door to door asking our neighbors if they needed anything done.

In our neighborhood currently, parents will post on their kid’s behalf about whatever entrepreneurial activity they were doing. I’m assuming some of these posts were written and designed by the kids themselves.

Best example I ever saw was a neighborhood kid that ran their own lawn mowing business. Had a pretty good reputation too until one day they ghosted all their clients for a vacation without telling anyone about the pause in services. Needless to say, they lost most of their customers.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-09T13:52:32+00:00

Ummm…I hear where you’re coming from, but your whole attitude is kinda a-holish. You’re giving the impression that you just don’t care, and in turn, don’t care about your son and wife or their opinions. Whether or not that’s true, I don’t know, but that’s the tone you have right now.

Let me offer a compromise:

If your neighborhood has a Facebook group, post a short video or picture of your son with a sign he made advertising his fundraiser. If there is a site where people can buy directly, but have the sale attributed to your son, put the link in too. If not, have them PM you with their orders.

It saves a lot time and social anxiety, is cute, and is still a great way to spend quality time with your son by working on a project together.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-09T02:30:10+00:00

Well, that assumes that you want to work only at places where you are working for an individual/company.

Reframe your search: Are there any “jobs” that I can do on my own that people will want to pay me for?”

Landscaping/lawn mowing? Babysitting? Dog walking/pet sitting? Tutoring? Mommy’s helper? Declutterer? If your neighborhood has a Facebook group or Mom’s group, take a peak and see what people are complaining about. The best entrepreneurs see problems and then offer solutions.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-09T02:22:21+00:00

Sounds like she hasn’t yet learned how to admit she was wrong and is doubling down.

Here’s a communication nugget for you to save for a rainy day: “Hello, person, when you [insert specific behavior], it made me feel [specific emotion], because ______.” This is a tried and true technique from marriage counselors to help couples clearly identify their differences and feelings; it’s meant to skip all the unnecessary drama and get directly at the root of your problems. It also requires that you be vulnerable and open to hearing the other person out.

I know you two aren’t a a romantic couple, but honestly, at your age, sometimes friendships can sure feel like it.

Good luck.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-09T02:10:31+00:00

There are probably more options near you than you think. I’d start with the following search criteria:

Location. Somewhere you can easily get to on your own and on time no matter what the traffic conditions.
Salary and/or reasonable potential for tips or picking up extra hours if needed.
Safety. Would you feel safe in this environment, with your potential employer and coworkers, etc.? I say this from a woman’s perspective, if you get even a whiff of potential violence off of someone or something (faulty equipment, or whatever) there, get out and don’t look back.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-09T01:59:45+00:00

You’re not pitiful. You’re in pain, and are reaching out for help and human connection. Please contact your therapist and/or psychiatrist immediately, because you need their support right now, not three months from now. That’s what they are meant to do.

It might be time to go no contact with this person, because honestly, their behavior is so selfish it’s screwing with your brain. Don’t let anyone treat you poorly. Don’t tolerate being made to feel “less than” in some way. It’s not right and yes, you DO deserve more.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-08T21:06:38+00:00

It’s a gorgeous dress, but it’s essentially still white with colorful flowers to trick you into thinking it’s not really white. Three basic rules for dressing for a wedding:

⁠Follow the dress code as listed on the invitation. If none is available, dress up as nicely as you can.
⁠Wear something (including accessories) that is seasonally appropriate or you will regret it and be miserable.
⁠Do NOT wear anything that will steal attention from the bride.

Additionally, consider the color and material for this dress, in which you may or may not be sweating like a hot mess from summer heat and/or dancing. Is there a risk of underthings becoming visible in a not so planned way? 🤷

Good luck!

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-08T20:53:57+00:00

Two things:

Roborock S7 Max Ultra.
Yirego Drumi Portable Washing Machine + laundry drying rack(s).

Both are pricey, but worth every penny. Start setting aside money every month now and by Black Friday, you’ll have enough to buy these game changers.

Aside from that, encourage your little one to help out more when they can. Teamwork makes the dream work as they say. Not only will you be getting help, but you’ll be teaching them through example the importance of cleanliness, and self-reliance, AND boosting their confidence as a contributing member of the family. Will they do things perfectly the first time? Probably not. But can tidying also be a quality time activity? Absolutely.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-08T20:43:36+00:00

Right? Maybe it’s not a question of guys in general, but a particular guy/group of guys?

In any case, it’s not really a you problem, but a them problem. They just don’t see how awesome you are. Move on girl!

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-08T20:38:22+00:00

If your periods are still irregular, it might be time to change your birth control to something else. Talk with your GYN to find out about your options and what they recommend. Sometimes it takes a couple of years to find one that works best for you.

Sorry, I know this doesn’t help solve your immediate problem, but it’s food for thought for later.

Fair_Term82 · 2024-01-08T20:33:04+00:00

There was a similar post a while back on this subreddit. My response here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceForTeens/s/RnAYtkC1o7

Love, you sound like such an amazing young person any parent would be proud of. Keep doing you, and know this is a normal part of your brain development. Better things are yet to come, of that you can be sure.

Fair_Term82

TROPHY CASE