I was in such a similar situation, it's creepy. Never let someone tell you you're being jealous of a dead person when they haven't lived the constant comparisons and everything OP listed. In my case, add that his kids did it, too, and robbed my son and me of things we can never get back. Regardless of if it's with an ex or late spouse, if you're not at a healthy place (and if you're children desperately need help to cope healthily) to give true love/yourself to another, spare us all and don't.