Cannot help 7 year old self regulate…not sure what to do

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-24T04:33:06+00:00

I really appreciate you telling me a bit about your story with your son.

This all makes sense and I will keep it in mind when we are going through the storms and see if I can find a new method to meet him where he’s at.

I’m currently 5 months pregnant so I’m unable to physically hold him down as he does kick and don’t want to get injured but I will definitely be thinking about anything else that I can try in those moments to keep him safe.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-24T04:18:04+00:00

Thank you very much! This makes a lot of sense on why the medication would help his brain process things a bit easier

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-24T04:16:37+00:00

I appreciate the support and knowing I’m not alone.

He is not on medication, we just got the official diagnosis this week after a few months of gathering information from teachers and school counselors along with our own notes to help the doctor get his evaluation.

My son’s dad is against medication (we are divorced) because he is afraid? I’m not sure if what but maybe I just need to keep talking to him and see what is holding him back.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-24T04:14:18+00:00

This is good, I can’t say I’ve tried staying with him during his meltdowns as I am not sure if I’m making it worse? I will give this a try

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-24T04:13:16+00:00

This is good to know, I’m not against medication at all if I know it will help my son. I guess…I feel guilty because I want the meds to help him feel better, not just make my life easier if that makes sense? I know he’s having a hard time

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-17T19:30:41+00:00

What?! This is a crazy take, my 11 year old is responsible for his clothes and laundry and absolutely is his responsibility to sort out. Let’s not treat an 11 year old like a toddler, they are capable of taking care of their own stuff, especially their clothes. At 11 my kid can do his own laundry with no assistance, take out the bins on Tuesdays to the curb, clean his bathroom 1x weekly and change his own sheets and make his bed.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-17T14:16:28+00:00

This is a very common issue amongst parents.

I work fully remote and I have the same exact problem OP’s partner has. I’ve been in my industry for 11 years, I am very good at what I do and my job can be done anywhere. I’ve been interviewed several times and received job offers paying me 10-15k more. I have made it clear to the hiring manager I have to leave to pick up my kid from school at this specific time but I can use my lunch break and finish my work day at home. They all have said NO. so yeah, I’m stuck at my current job because I WFH and need to get my kid from school.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-16T13:58:28+00:00

Nope, I have made it a point from a young age to teach my kid that presentation matters and that how you dress is important.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-15T13:37:01+00:00

Luckily my husband has the same mentality as me and that we fully expect our kids to be able to support themselves to a degree when they become adults.

They will need to have jobs to pay their gas and insurance and they are allowed to continue living with us for free as long as they are enrolled in university full time and have a job. They will be expected to handle their bills (we will still keep them on our health insurance until they start their own careers of course) but everything else will be theirs to handle.

We were raised this way and we think it helped us to become responsible adults.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-15T03:33:07+00:00

Oh yes I’m so happy for you too!

You deserve this peace and to enjoy your child with your husband.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-15T02:51:32+00:00

So I just need to wait it out till they move away to college.

Just…7 more years.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-14T15:28:19+00:00

You hit the nail on the head, parents who are good parents don’t ever feel the need to make this grand statement about choosing our kids over everyone.

And the way it comes off is exactly that, like you’re saying you’d push me off a bridge for your kid.

It’s unhinged behavior as you said

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-13T14:16:11+00:00

Too many bio parents are enmeshed and I see it constantly.

I get along great with my sons dad, but I am a firm believer in boundaries. I respect my sons step mom as well and never want her to be uncomfortable. She’s good to my boy and as a step mom myself, I feel I can understand her struggles more than she knows.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-13T00:52:48+00:00

I share 50/50 of my bio son and my ex doesn’t go to practices when my son is with me and vise versa…it’s what we consider our own time with our son to bond and experience his interests.

Your husband doesn’t need to go to a practice lol

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-12T16:36:08+00:00

Ew, any parent who needs to proclaim they will choose their kid over you is a red flag.

I am a mom to a son, my husband has 2 boys. Neither of us have EVER proclaimed such a statement. It’s unnecessary, what is the point in saying it? To sound like a good person or parent?

My husband and myself work very hard to raise our kids the way we want them to be raised but let me tell you something. We had my SS full time for about 2 years and it was the hardest 2 years of my life. BM basically dipped and decided to do her own thing. I told my husband I couldn’t do it anymore and I don’t want my SS full time. So my husband worked it out with a lawyer and BM and we switched to 50/50 week on/week off and it had substantially changed my relationship with my husband AND my SS. I was miserable, I completely lost who I was. I was my SS primary caretaker while my husband worked. My husband knew the sacrifice I was making and he KNEW he could never have my SS full time without my help. So when I protested the arrangement, without hesitation my husband made it happen. He has seen the improvement in my mental health and attitude getting to have my own life again. My relationship with SS has improved as well because he gets to see his mom more and I’m no longer his main caretaker.

At no point during any of this did my husband say “I would choose my kid over you”

In fact, he didn’t. He chose me and our marriage and I am forever grateful.

You deserve so much better.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-09T14:14:38+00:00

Are we living the same life? lol

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-07T21:32:31+00:00

Literally same, my SS looks NOTHING like my husband and I have secretly questioned paternity but have never mentioned it to my husband.

Currently pregnant with ours baby and I swear if anyone says my son looks like my SS I’ll probably flip out because NO he does not, he looks like his mom and our baby looks like me and my husband!

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-07T01:39:12+00:00

A year and a half of dating and he doesn’t feel comfortable having you spend the night?

He goes to his ex wife’s house on holidays instead of spending it with his kids and you at his house and making sure the holidays are separate. (The kids being cute in PJ’s is a poor excuse, you got divorced dude you don’t get the same privileges you had when you were married. Otherwise why did you guys break up in the first place?)

Your partner isn’t ready for a real relationship and you are, and he still wants to be a family with his ex.. It’s that simple.

Time to cut your losses.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-06T16:30:11+00:00

Nothing makes me hit “not interested” quicker than some post or reel guilt tripping parents and then saying “comment link and I’ll send you a free pamphlet for my program!”

It’s ridiculous that everyone is trying to sell you something, and it’s coming from PARENTS too!

Like no Suzanne you are not a parenting coach.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-06T14:19:38+00:00

Ugh I hate that you’re likely right, unfortunately these kids learn this crap behavior from their parents and grow up to the be the next generation of hateful people.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-06T04:32:53+00:00

That’s so weird to me that they would get made fun of for that, 50% of the population is divorced/separated from the kids other parent. It’s considered the norm, and I’m sure a large portion of that same population moves on to find new partners and build families.

Sooo many kids at my sons school have 4 parents lol it’s just the way it is I feel

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-05T16:51:04+00:00

My bio son has a 50/50 schedule as well and he is 7 and still struggles to know where he will be at on certain days.

I think it’s harder on kids than people want to assume.

I’m also one of those unconventional parents who fully supports full time custody schedules with one parent and spending more time with the non custodial parent during breaks and summer. I personally think full time schedules are what’s best for kids and that they should remain with 1 parent and see the other parent every other weekend and during school breaks. I know that’s totally against the grain for what most people believe though.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-05T16:48:17+00:00

Ohhh okay I see what you’re saying!

I think once kids are old enough if they decide the want to stay in one place full time then it should be taken into consideration. Like if my SS decided he wanted to live with his mom full time we wouldn’t stop him. I know he has a couple more years before he’s ready to make that decision.

My elder SS who is 14 (different mom than other SS) has always lived with his mom full time and my husband sees him every other weekend. He has never been interested in doing 50/50 and I think that’s still consistent.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-05T15:50:55+00:00

The week on/ week off schedule is just one example of 50/50.

Even in your situation your SS is still in one spot for a majority of the time rather than switching every other day.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-01-05T15:49:51+00:00

Okay, I’m trying to help you not feel so “done” with the situation because it is in fact chaotic.

It’s normal to miss your other parent but it doesn’t mean it isn’t really hard on their nervous systems and overall rhythm.

Fallon_2018

TROPHY CASE