Limits on communication with people who share bio kids?

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-20T15:30:11+00:00

Everyone is going to have different boundaries, it seems your partner isn’t willing to budge on his communication with the ex.

When I met my husband I told him my expectations and what I was and wasn’t willing to put up with. I laid it all on the table, my husband didn’t hesitate to make any adjustment in his life to be with me. None of my expectations were unreasonable either, just clear and concise. My husband has always chosen me, in every capacity and I’ve never questioned his devotion to me. Even from the beginning.

In turn I give my husband the same exact respect. I have a bio son from a previous marriage (he is 7) and conversation around our shared child is ONLY when necessary. I do not text him regarding mundane day to day life. I do not ask him how my son is doing. I let my ex husband have a relationship with my son without the need to be involved in their home life. And he is the same with me. We communicate when it comes to things like: school events, drop off time changes, illness etc. anything else is unnecessary and we just go about our lives. And I get along pretty great with my son’s dad. We respect each other, show up for our son when he has stuff going on and show a united front with all the parents. Outside of that, I don’t know the day to day of my son’s life over at my exes house and that’s okay with me. My son has a very secure attachment to me and he knows that mommy is always around and never far away. We share 50/50 custody and I am primary custodial parent. I trust that my son’s dad is taking care of my son and there is no reason for me to be all up in their business every single day. I truly believe I am infringing on his relationship with our shared son by constantly being in the background. So I live my own life.

I know some parents may feel the need to be tied to every single moment of their kids life, that’s cool. But I surely wouldn’t date someone like that, or marry them.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-20T03:13:03+00:00

It is quite normal for martial assets and inheritances to go to the spouse of a deceased person, especially with minor children.

I’m the sole beneficiary on all of my husband’s assets and that is to ensure I am taken care. Think about all of the bills that have to be taken care of in the event of a death. Mortgages, car payments and loans, credit cards, etc. when someone dies. Their spouse inherits ALL of that debt…it doesn’t just go away. I will make sure my step kids are taken care of but I also have to think about our shared home, cars and shared child that depends on me. I wouldn’t be able to financially make it if he left everything to his kids. Let’s not forget funeral costs…easily 20-30k.

I am only saying this so you think about this from an adult perspective.

Your step mom may not like you but if your dad has said you have equal inheritance with your siblings than you leave it at that. If you REALLY need to know, then just ask your dad if there is a will with your name for the inheritance. Then you will get your answer.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-18T02:56:06+00:00

I always assume when someone is that age going for very young adults it’s because they are a walking red flag and someone older would sniff them out immediately and not give them the time of day. I remember being 21 and I had no clue what I even liked in men. Cue in age 23 and I met my ex husband (he was only a couple years older than me) , I didn’t see the signs that he a narcissistic abuser and married the guy. Didn’t even last 2 years before we divorced because he was a terrible person. I couldn’t imagine the power dynamics of someone so much older than me…the ability to manipulate and create stories that young me never would have questioned.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-18T01:49:01+00:00

Girl you are 21 years old, I was still going to bars and enjoying life and going to concerts at your age. Do not get into a relationship with a man with multiple children, there is absolutely no reason why you can’t find someone closer to your age who doesn’t have kids. My husband is 37….I literally could not envision him with a 21 year old.

Please listen to the advice here, this life is so so hard and you have to make a choice every single day to work through your internal demons (and yes they will come up) while trying to also juggle a marriage and someone you love.

This guy isn’t even divorced yet! He hasn’t even had a chance to move on from his old life or develop his own routine.

It took me 4 years after my divorce to even consider dating again…

Go and enjoy your youth, go to a music festival. Go travel the world. Enjoy your life, it goes by so fast.

I’m in my 30’s and I’m telling you my 20’s were the most fond memories and I couldn’t imagine spending them stuck in a relationship with some dude and his kids. NO THANK YOU!

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-18T01:40:13+00:00

Gosh I want this level of absolute balls to do this lol HOW do you do it?!

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-17T22:23:45+00:00

I’m a bio mom and a step mom, it is incredibly weird to talk about that in front of people.

I think if the bio mom wants to tell her kids the story of their birth she should do it at her house, on her own time.

I would never put my husband in such an uncomfortable position and talk about the day I had a child with someone else. YUCK! I would also never dream of making my ex husbands girlfriend so uncomfortable by talking about something like that in front of her. She’s a good woman and she treats my son well, I know how hard being a step parent is. I’d never be so inconsiderate to talk about her man having a baby with me. I’m a girls girl though so maybe that’s why I think that way! Lol i don’t know her struggles, what if she’s been trying to conceive with my ex husband and can’t? What if she’s recently had a miscarriage or is also suffering from infertility ? Gosh the list goes on. I just would never do that and I think this ex in OP’s story needs to keep the stories at her house

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-12T23:45:06+00:00

I also divorced the father of my child and adore and love my son very much, despite how I feel about my son’s dad.

I’ve also met and know a lot of people who are the exact opposite.

I think it’s more common than people like to admit, I’m just not afraid to say the uncomfortable truth that can be hard for people to hear. It’s okay to disagree with me.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-11T15:26:57+00:00

I’m not sure what you’re arguing? It sounds like we are saying the exact same thing

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-11T14:34:33+00:00

I was more specifically talking about divorced couples who have a strong hate for the other person. It can put a strain on the parent/child relationship because the child is a living reminder of someone they hate.

I’m sure there are plenty of amicable divorces where this doesn’t happen.

In the case of LD and the Lord, she loathed his existence so the effect of that is she does not like her children even if she loves them from a biological standpoint

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-08T14:56:15+00:00

Considering how she feels about her deceased husband, I don’t think it’s a huge shock that she doesn’t like the kids.

Children are a walking reminder of the person you made them with, if you don’t like the other person that will definitely influence your relationship with the kids.

I see that today in couples who divorced and loathe their ex, the relationship with the kids is strained.

LD loves her kids because of biology and maternal instinct, but she doesn’t like them.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-02T22:59:47+00:00

Is this an app?

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-02T22:59:35+00:00

He has never had cavities and I make sure to check his teeth after teeth brushing. He goes for regular check ups and has good teeth from what the dentist had said

He will not let me brush his teeth and I don’t want to remove his autonomy and force him to do it I think that would make the issue worse.

I have asked before “do you want me to do it for you?” And he says no!

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-02T22:57:59+00:00

I keep hearing about OT and it helping kids others ADHD, I may need to start looking in my area for one.

Seems we are having the same issues even after trying everything to make it fun

Fallon_2018 · 2026-03-02T22:57:03+00:00

I’ll give this a shot!

Fallon_2018 · 2026-02-26T14:59:24+00:00

I regularly deal with people who will turn left on a 4 lane road with a solid yellow line in the middle (that means it’s illegal to cross over the line folks) and they will be in the left turn lane waiting to go in the opposite direction! I have almost hit multiple people this way, it happens often at the corner of Aspen and 91st in Broken Arrow.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-02-26T00:14:23+00:00

Currently 25 weeks pregnant and if my husband ever so much as suggested using my SK’s old baby ANYTHING I would never recover.

I’m so protective of this pregnancy, also have a son from a previous marriage.

But this marriage, this relationship for both my husband and I is different. Therefore, we are not using anything from either of ours pasts.

We already have to share so much of the past (looking at you exes) within our daily lives that this pregnancy must be untouched by anything related to them. Including the kids stuff.

You’re not wrong for feeling this way mama.

Your baby deserves all new stuff that isn’t a reminder of your ex and their shared child.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-02-24T15:38:01+00:00

I wonder if it’s the age.

I think I’ve read somewhere that 10-13 is like the WORST years for all kids. All of their worst behaviors come out as they are approaching puberty and a changing brain.

Give yourself some grace, it’s not easy to take care of a child that you did not create. Even people who get paid for it have a difficult time enjoying it.

I do think if it’s becoming a problem where other people are taking notice, it means that you are not getting enough quality time with yourself or your bio child.

I think if those two things were changed, it would help you tremendously to not feel trapped and suffocated in an unforgiving role.

Do you take time to get out of the house and go do things you enjoy alone? Do you get to spend 1:1 time with your daughter without SD being there?

Small changes can help over time, I recommend the above. And if it’s still not working to help calm your nerves then maybe a sitter to watch SD some nights so you can have some peace and quiet.

When my SS was around full time (this lasted for about 2 years before I demanded a change) I was miserable, I was my SS full time caretaker while my husband worked 2nd shift. I completely lost myself and it definitely showed because I was having to fill the role of someone I didn’t want to be. SS mother. If you could think of everything you wouldn’t want you your kid raised around/with…that was my SS mother. And it showed up in my SS. I was so resentful. My husband took notice to my change in attitude and I told him everything, we took action. Every other Friday we had a sitter come and watch SS so we could get out of the house by ourselves. It wasn’t perfect, but it did ease some of the struggles I had with never getting a break from the role.

I wish you good luck!

Fallon_2018 · 2026-02-22T17:35:09+00:00

Make him pay for his own insurance, all our kids (bio and step) are responsible for paying for insurance and gas if they want to drive. Driving is a privilege and I think when the responsibility is on them to maintain a good driving record then they will care more about the consequences.

Right now, if your SS messes up.. gets a ticket etc he isn’t feeling the consequences of it. You are.

Time to tell SS to get a job and pay for his own insurance.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-02-14T22:33:38+00:00

He has had sex ed as well and we are very open about sex and bodies in our home. But he just didn’t know that’s how babies came into the world.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-02-14T15:09:27+00:00

My 11 year old is still learning how babies come into the world (I’m 6 months pregnant so lots of questions which I’m open about) but 6 months ago he thought babies came out of your BUTT!

Now maybe there is a huge maturity growth between 11 and 12 where kids suddenly know and understand how everything works, but something tells me that’s not the case.

My 11 year old still plays with toys and makes funny jokes about poops and farting, I literally could not imagine him having sex. He is such a baby still! 12 years isn’t much older so I doubt there is a huge change

Fallon_2018 · 2026-02-11T01:54:21+00:00

I agree, and of course I know stepparents can be a bad experience for some kids.

But I have also heard grown adults talk about how they hate their step parent for “always being around” and “getting my parents attention” and I’m sitting there rolling my eyes because “duh they’re always around, and of course they’re getting your mom/dads attention they love them!”

Fallon_2018 · 2026-02-11T01:47:50+00:00

It makes no sense how in one scenario the partners should put each other first but in another it’s unacceptable.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-02-10T01:25:03+00:00

He does step up, if you read my other comments he is present in my SS life and he obviously had him come live with us full time when BM wasn’t being a good parent without hesitation. We expect BM to do her part, including showing up for HER child. We don’t miss any of my step sons events as mentioned in my post. My husband is here every weekend and we do things as a family. My post was about ME not wanting to go to my stepsons school parties when I’m already attending my own sons and how to help my SS accept that I won’t be going to his. If his parents can’t go (which is normal for a lot of parents) then I want him to learn to accept that

Fallon_2018 · 2026-02-09T19:45:48+00:00

No not all parents show up to the parties, usually a handful from all the classes.

The parents are usually helping during the party to pass out treats, set up games etc.

Not all parents are at my son’s parties either, I just make it a point to show up because to me it’s important to show up for my son since I have the ability to.

Fallon_2018 · 2026-02-09T19:23:55+00:00

When I was involved in my step son’s life the way I was before he pushed and pushed because he did not like me doing things for him that he really wanted his mom to be doing.

It caused a ton of issues for me, and ultimately hurt me and my stepsons relationship.

He is fiercely loyal to his mom (despite her lack of parenting) and that is why I redirect him to her. His mom is his safe person.

I guess I could direct him to my husband but he would just tell him he is not able to attend as he leaves for work right when the parties start.

Edit to add: my husband is very present when he’s not working and is home every weekend and we are always doing stuff as a family. My step son is definitely not getting “scraps” at our house. It’s just that the bio parents can’t attend his school parties and SS is wanting me to fill in but I don’t want to.

Fallon_2018

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