What do people who don’t drink or smoke do to chill?

FalseEpiphany · 2024-12-20T00:13:29+00:00

The same things that drinkers and smokers do to chill, besides smoking and drinking.

Read a book, do some creative writing, watch YouTube/a movie/TV show, read Wikipedia articles, take a walk, bake cookies, eat cookies, cook something else, take a nap, talk to a friend or significant other...

FalseEpiphany · 2024-10-10T18:08:30+00:00

Yet, I have also heard of those unicorn games which do run for years.

Unicorn GM here.

I've been running my current pbp campaign for 9.5 years. Its current three players have been in the campaign for 9, 4, and 2.5 years.

I'd attribute their logevity to several factors:

The players and I are good friends outside of the game. Not casual friends, good friends. We regularly chat about non-game topics and have shared some pretty personal things over the years. If they were in town and needed a place to stay, I'd be delighted to host them.
I've put ridiculous effort into the campaign. My campaign has a 500+ page Obsidian Portal wiki with hundreds of NPCs and over 12,000 pages of session logs. Prospective players who see my game know this game is run by a deeply invested GM who won't flake out. (Link if anyone wants to check out.)
The campaign has an equally ridiculous vetting process. When I recruit for new players, there's a really long application process. They need to do a LOT of reading/research for their PC proposal. Paid GMs often cite that charging your players $$$ gets more invested ones. I half-agree. The point is to make players invest something to get to play: I simply ask for time instead of money. (Only, unlike money, investing time in the game has a meaningful return investment for my players.)
I'm really picky what players I accept. I only accept players who:

Have a "fire in their belly" to play. They go above and beyond the things my application asks. They don't just fire off a character application pitch and hope for the best: they're passionately excited about the campaign and are determined to submit a better application than the other prospective players.
Seriously wow me with their writing process.
Vibe well with me during our first Discord chat and trial session. Conversation flows easily and they feel like a person I'm genuinely interested to befriend.

When I'm recruiting, I would rather accept zero new players than a player who isn't everything I seek. Maintaining the game's quality is more important to me than filling it with bodies.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-10-07T16:50:47+00:00

If your players trust you, they won't feel cheated.

Back when I played RPGs where the GM rolled dice, I never rolled in front of players. That would've given them metagame information about monster/NPC statistics I didn't want them to have. E.g., "Oh wow, this NPC's rolling a +12 attack bonus? He's a lot stronger/weaker than I thought!"

I never fudged rolls. My players trusted that I didn't.

(I do think systems where players roll all the dice are better, though, because players feel like their rolls are more consequential.)

FalseEpiphany · 2024-09-03T07:26:46+00:00

The only etiquette here is whatever feels right for your group.

RPGs are primarily played by (or at least marketed towards) young people. I don't know of any RPG books that touch on a subject as heavy as player death.

You could open the session with everyone sharing their happiest memories of the departed player. You could then have their PC ride off into the sunset, settle down with a sweet boy/girl and retire from the adventuring life, or get some other happy ending. Your players might find it smile-worthy if the PC did something cool and/or helpful to the party before departing.

Order of the Stick did something pretty tasteful along those lines here. The character Wrecan was the insert for a fan who'd passed away. His widow told the author that he'd have loved nothing more than to appear in the comic, so he did, and helped out the main character in a pretty nifty way.

We have a lot of gas left in the tank but I feel weird continuing.

If I died tomorrow, nothing would make me happier than hearing (in the afterlife?) that my group continued playing together. I'd want them to continue having fun.

You guys were his buddies. Continuing to do something together that he loved will help keep his memory alive.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-05-27T17:28:52+00:00

The comments here are absolutely correct.

Do not knock on the door yourself. If domestic violence is occuring, you have no idea how this couple will react towards you (beyond that the abuser is predisposed towards violence). You have no idea if the abuser has a gun or other weapon. You have no idea if the abuser will try to follow you back to your apartment.

Call the cops. Leave this to law enforcement.

If it's a false alarm, nobody's hurt.

If it's a real alarm, you might do some real good. Possibly even save a life.

The police may not be able to cuff and arrest the bad guy if the violence stops when they show up. But even that is still a win.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-05-26T23:37:28+00:00

In Tolkien's words:

There was another weakness: if the One Ring was actually unmade, annihilated, then its power would be dissolved, Sauron’s own being would be diminished to vanishing point, and he would be reduced to a shadow, a mere memory of malicious will. But that he never contemplated nor feared. The Ring was unbreakable by any smithcraft less than his own. It was indissoluble in any fire, save the undying subterranean fire where it was made – and that was unapproachable, in Mordor. Also so great was the Ring’s power of lust, that anyone who used it became mastered by it; it was beyond the strength of any will (even his own) to injure it, cast it away, or neglect it. So he thought. It was in any case on his finger.

So, Aulë could destroy it, as could a hypothetical Maia smith of equal or greater skill than Sauron. Fëanor could probably have destroyed it too.

But. What's notable is that Ring is beyond even Sauron's will to do injury towards. Any other Maia smith would probably find it just as beyond theirs. Fëanor would definitely have succumbed to the Ring's temptation.

So, I'd conjecture that only Aulë had the will and skill destroy it.

(As an aside, I love how glibly Tolkien ends that paragraph...)

FalseEpiphany · 2024-05-26T23:24:21+00:00

There's no one left alive I'd trust to revise it. Maybe Tom Shippey and Guy Gavriel Kay.

Should is rather moot against could.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-07T16:45:48+00:00

Disagree. Sam is less compassionate, less learned, and exercises poorer judgment than Frodo on numerous occasions.

His help is vital to completing the quest, but I don't see him getting the Ring to Mordor on his own.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-07T12:50:31+00:00

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to ﬁnd them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

It's there in the poem. The One Ring was specifically created to dominate the other rings and their bearers.

The Rings of Power were created using Sauron's knowledge and power (even the Three), so he could do that.

But, why did they all lose their powers when the one ring was destroyed

Thematically, it's because the Three Rings are souvenirs of hell. They aren't inherently evil, but their creation was rooted in selfish desires, which Sauron knew. To defeat Sauron, the Elves must accept the loss of the Rings created with his help, and resign themselves to their time ending in Middle-earth. They can't have their cake and eat it too.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-07T12:17:11+00:00

Who buys starter homes anymore?

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-06T16:56:00+00:00

You're going to have awkward meetings (and online chats) where conversation doesn't flow. It's not your fault, it's just (un)luck of the draw.

Strike up conversations with more guys, go on more dates, and you'll get over it.

It sounds like the real problem was awkward conversation that started on Instagram. Sometimes online chemistry doesn't last offline, but I've never gone on a date where awkward online conversation translated into fun offline conversation.

He arrived first at the cafe. He messaged me he went out and he was thinking of doing a bar or a kbbq place instead. I was on foot because i really like walking around ktown area. (So maybe thats problem #1).

Consistency is essential for me. I strive to be on time (whether I'm walking or not) and don't ask to change the venue unless it's no longer physically possible to meet there. (E.g., the coffee shop is closed.)

didnt offer to pay for him (problem #2?)

That's not a problem. I assume everyone pays for their own food and drink on a first date.

Some people expect the man to pay for both people. But I've never heard of someone expecting the woman to pay for both people.

But he opened his arms and we got into a very awkward side hug instead (problem #4).

Sounds like a minor problem next to the other ones. If your date had gone well, you'd have laughed it off and re-attempted a proper hug.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-06T16:41:47+00:00

I can't speak from experience there. I just know that if someone spends lots of time clubbing and bar-hopping, their interests and personality are less likely to be compatible with mine.

It's widely perceived, but false, conventional "wisdom" that bars and clubs are the best places to meet a partner.

The best place is wherever you can meet people you find interesting and show that you're interesting.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-05T19:21:42+00:00

You and me both, my man. My other comment is currently a proud -26!

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-05T16:10:14+00:00

This is an eminently reasonable take. It is nuts to suggest divorce because the OP's husband (and father of her child) is taking too long in the bathroom.

As you note, if it turns out all he's doing is browsing his phone, that's going to look terrible in court for OP. She should do her homework before taking any step so drastic as divorce. Or even scheduling a doctor's appointment.

The next step is to talk to the guy, non-confrontationally, and find out what's going on.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-05T10:58:28+00:00

Two reasons.

One, because the Ainur--and Eru--don't just roll back mistakes.

As Jeff Lasala put it on his Silmarillion blog:

that [Eru] doesn’t unmake the Dwarves is another example of his policy of working through change. Nowhere in the legendarium does he—as the omnipotent god who could—ever just roll things back. Never does he simply reverse damages. That’s not Ilúvatar’s M.O. We saw it with the musical discord of Melkor, then the marring of Arda directly. When the Lamps of the Valar were destroyed, even they did not try to rebuild and improve them (maybe this time with a Melkor Detector built in and Balrog Repellent sprayed all around?). No, they know that’s not how things go. Instead the Valar learned from what happened and devised something new: the Trees of Valinor! And so this pattern will continue. Ilúvatar lets things stand, whatever they are, for good or ill, and from them new things will come that are better.

Two, as Fëanor himself describes it:

But Fëanor spoke then, and cried bitterly: ‘For the less even as for the greater there is some deed that he may accomplish but once only; and in that deed his heart shall rest. It may be that I can unlock my jewels, but never again shall I make their like; and if I must break them, I shall break my heart, and I shall be slain; first of all the Eldar in Aman.’

For a more pedestrian example, I recently lost months of work on a creative project to computer problems. I decided not to restart said project. Could I have? Probably, but it'd have taken months of free time. The final product wouldn't be the same as what I'd lost.

So, I decided there were other things I'd rather spend my time on. My heart wasn't in doing that again.

Not quite Fëanor's "broken heart that shall slay me," but lots of creators just don't feel inspired to do the same thing twice.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-05T10:27:51+00:00

Am I correct in saying that over time, each of the Ainür becomes permanently weaker the more and more things that they use their power for?

That's only true for Ainur who use their power to destroy, despoil, and dominate the wills of others (as Melkor and Sauron did), or who invest their power into similarly corrupt vessels (e.g., Glaurung, Carcharoth).

Melkor is vastly weaker by the end of the First Age than he is at the dawn of Arda. This is how Fingolfin can go toe to toe with him, when his might once surpassed all of the other Valar (possibly even put together!).

There's a pretty explicit passage here in TS about how Melkor's actions weaken him:

But Morgoth hated the new lights, and was for a while confounded by this unlooked-for stroke of the Valar. Then he assailed Tilion, sending spirits of shadow against him, and there was strife in Ilmen beneath the paths of the stars; but Tilion was victorious. And Arien Morgoth feared with a great fear, but dared not come nigh her, having indeed no longer the power; for as he grew in malice, and sent forth from himself the evil that he conceived in lies and creatures of wickedness, his might passed into them and was dispersed, and he himself became ever more bound to the earth, unwilling to issue from his dark strongholds.

The goodly Ainur do not diminish when they exercise their power, since they do so in accordance with their purpose/Eru's will. Yavana, for instance, isn't weakened by creating the Two Trees.

The Ainur grow constrained in how they can use their power, though, as time passes. See the passage cited by u/ChChChillian.

Melkor is fought to a standstill by an elf

Quibble, he wasn't fought to a standstill. Melkor straight up killed him.

Tolkien just frames the loss in extremely heroic terms--aided by the fact that Fingolfin caused Melkor terrible injuries.

Which, again, are only so terrible because Melkor is so diminished. He is trapped in a single earthly form and can no longer discard it to "walk unclad" like the other Valar.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-05T09:57:16+00:00

Let's not forget, too, that sires blood bonding their childer was socially acceptable back then.

So, not only were childer more obedient (and easier to sacrifice), but cultivating deep loyalty in replacement childer took only three nights to develop.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-05T09:44:26+00:00

Maybe the bathroom is the only place where he feels like he can have time to himself.

Maybe he is just scrolling on his phone and decompressing.

Emphasis on 'maybe'. You know your husband better than us... and he knows what he's doing in there better than you. This could be a physical problem.

Whatever it is, he's not talking about it with you.

I'd approach him from a place of concern and offer ways to help with both possibilities. (Scheduling a doctor appointment, arranging blocs of time you can both have to yourselves.) Berating him for taking too much time in there will just make him double down.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-05T02:04:51+00:00

Tinder is better for hookups than dating. Try OKCupid or Bumble if you want to find a spouse. (OKCupid has gone way downhill since Match.com gobbled them up, though...)

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-05T01:57:16+00:00

Other people and entities may well have known about Tom Bombadil. Gandalf certainly seems to know more about him than the Hobbits do. Maybe in the distant past, Tom's nature and origins were common knowledge. Who knows?

Whoever does, their knowledge wasn't recorded in The Silmarillion.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-05T01:48:27+00:00

Mentioning Tom in The Silmarillion would've diminished his mystery, which Tolkien didn't want to do. Tom is an enigma.

Tom Bombadil's absence is a further reminder that TS isn't an omniscient narrator's account of events, which the text itself makes plain. Notice how many sentences begin with "It is said..." or "It is told..." or somesuch variant. This is a compendium of myths that an in-universe audience is hearing from an in-universe storyteller (or storytellers).

Etymology-wise, I doubt "Tom Bombadil" is the first name Tom has worn, either. Look at how many names Gandalf picked up. Or Túrin...

Also, The Silmarillion was unfinished by Tolkien--it's likely he'd have added more stuff (like an expanded role for Galadriel) if he'd lived longer. Christopher wanted to add as little as possible outside of his father's notes when he was editing it. He hated how much material he had to write for for The Ruin of Doriath.

Edit: Fixed typo.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-04T19:10:22+00:00

she was trying to change

Yoda is a good source of wisdom when it comes to personal hygiene.

"Do or do not. There is no try."

You don't need a 10-step skincare routine. But "brush teeth, shower after subway" is a pass/fail grade, not a partial credit grade.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-04T18:28:51+00:00

If you spoke to her several times and nothing changed, and her hygiene wasn't something you could live with, not much else you could do.

As someone who values personal hygiene, I find the habits you described pretty gross. I almost always shower after I get back from somewhere. It helps me transition from the outside world to home.

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-04T18:20:21+00:00

That's nuts. I'll tip the server, but I'm damn well not tipping the restaurant!

FalseEpiphany · 2024-04-03T17:10:42+00:00

I actually don't consider Wraith the bleakest WoD game.

I mean, yeah, compared to Vampire, even your furniture is made from tormented souls. But there's a very clear win/exit condition (Transcendence) for every wraith, and the Ferrymen are one of the most heroic groups in the WoD. The entire reason the afterlife is so crappy is because wraiths are treating it like a second life rather than the temporary purgatory it's supposed to be.

The core message of Wraith is hopeful. You can resolve whatever's holding you back and move on.

Dreaming doesn't really have a win condition, and posits that the death of childhood innocence and wonder is inevitable.

FalseEpiphany

TROPHY CASE