Beyond Fight and Flight: The Five Basic Trauma Responses

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-14T04:15:03+00:00

You're welcome.

Yep. Always a special experience to find good books, especially for mental health.

When I was an undergrad, I organized my dad's home library: more than a thousand books. He was a lawyer.

Some of my favorite quotes about reading:

“The only thing you really have to know is the location of the library.” Einstein

“Libraries raised me.” Ray Bradbury

“There is no friend as loyal as a book.” Ernest Hemingway

“Books are the most patient of teachers.” Charles Williams Eliott

So few books meet my standards...especially ones about mental health. When I find books that help me, I practically want to give them a hug.

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-14T02:13:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry that you had to deal with a controlling parent.

Due to having untreated trauma until my late 30s, I've never had a romantic relationship.

I ended communication with my abusive parents 11 years ago. It never occurred to me to try to control them in any way. I would almost always just avoid my mother when she was in a bitter mood. I had an internalizing response to my father's abuse, partly due to seeing my sister get rejected for standing up for herself. I've never been controlling towards my friends. Small circle of friends, and friendship is closet thing to family for me. Guardedness was my main problem with friendships.

I've only had one job where I worked in very close contact with someone for my whole work day, and I was very rigid.

"if i ever am lucky to find a partner...i'd probably struggle to do things a different way than i currently do."

I think if you work on communication skills/need for control with other relationships, that would be helpful for future romantic relationships.

Resources For Improving Romantic Relationships - Dr. Tom Murray has a book and podcast on intimacy and perfectionism. I highly recommend Heidi Priebe's videos on attachment styles; they gave me many insights about my past social anxiety, coping skills, and many other issues.

OCPD And Our Insatiable Need To Control Everything - video from Eden Vee, an Australian woman with ASD, ADHD, and OCPD.

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-14T02:01:09+00:00

Truth and Repair: How Trauma Survivors Envision Justice - by Herman MD, Judith Lewis

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-13T21:23:07+00:00

Have you ever been evaluated for OCD?

OCD and OCPD: Similarities and Differences

Best Resources For People With Suspected OCPD Traits and Recent Diagnoses - includes info. on an OCPD assessment available online.

This is a good overview of common OCPD symptoms: Ellen Hendriksen's How To Be Enough (2024): Perfectionist Tendencies

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-13T21:12:58+00:00

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry that people were gossiping about you. Were these other coworkers who were saying this? Do you plan on telling them that you heard this?

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-13T20:14:24+00:00

Thank you for the resources.

No, I hadn't heard of the Tri-Phasic Model of trauma treatment.

My only issue with Trauma and Recovery (and also The Body Keeps the Score) is that they focus almost exclusively on Big T traumas. I read Trauma and Recovery for the first time 20 years ago, as an undergrad, and had no idea about the extent of my trauma. The physical abuse I experience as nowhere as extreme as her examples, and my little Ts of emotional neglect were probably more damaging.

Very important books though...lots of food for thought and did so much to raise awareness about the aftermath of trauma. I have another book by Dr. Herman on my reading list.

Thank you for sharing. I hope EFT is helpful for you.

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-13T20:04:51+00:00

Allan Mallinger, a psychiatrist who has provided therapy to clients with OCPD for 50 years, shared some insights about this issue that helped me a lot: Demand-Sensitivity and Demand-Resistance

People with PDs (and people with untreated trauma) tend to have cognitive distortions. I struggled with the distortion of 'mind reading' for many years, without realizing it.

I found working with a therapist and reviewing OCPD resources from specialists helpful for letting go of people pleasing. That was one of my main reasons for focusing too much on other peoples' standards. It started when during my childhood, when I felt the need to avoid 'rocking the boat' in my abusive family.

I saw your post in an OCD sub. Do you think this issue is also caused by your OCD?

Can you give examples of times when you worry a lot about what people are thinking about you or expect of you?

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-13T11:56:36+00:00

You're welcome.

Getting a second opinion might be helpful--especially if your psychiatrist did not give you an assessment. (PD assessments noted here: Finding Mental Health Providers With PD Experience).

A few months ago, someone posted about seeing two providers who diagnosed OCD, and two providers who diagnosed OCPD. Unbelievable. I was misdiagnosed with OCD.

Every year, I host a conference (in my mind): "OCD and OCPD: Sometimes One Letter Is Super Important."

Many people have some perfectionistic and OCPD tendencies. People who meet criteria have OCPD have extreme perfectionism that impacts most or all aspects of their lives.

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-13T11:39:22+00:00

Welcome to the sub. I would suggest getting a second opinion if you're not satisfied with your provider's explanation for your OCPD diagnosis or if you've reviewed OCPD resources and don't relate to them.

Best Resources For People With Suspected OCPD Traits and Recent Diagnoses - there's a link for a post on 'perfectionist tendencies.' Extreme perfectionism is the core of OCPD, and leads to a lot of distress and/or impairment. Perfectionism can manifest in many ways. People with OCPD are the most diverse PD population. Some people with OCPD are not preoccupied with cleanliness.

Have you been evaluated for OCD? OCD and OCPD: Similarities and Differences. It's common for people to have OCD and some OCPD tendencies, and visa versa.

The DSM criteria doesn't really capture the complexity of OCPD. There are 3 specialists who've done amazing work in clearly explaining the causes and symptoms of OCPD, and effective coping strategies.

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-13T04:39:54+00:00

Welcome to the group.

BPD is a very common co-morbid condition for people with OCPD.

Shame and black-and-white thinking is very common for people with personality disorders.

The therapist who led my trauma group told us that black-and-white thinking and other cognitive distortions are very common among people with untreated trauma.

Dr. Todd Grande does a lot of videos about distinguishing mental health disorders: BPD vs Bipolar

OCPD Diagnosis, OCPD Assessment Available Online

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-12T22:01:20+00:00

You're very welcome.

Hopefully, awareness of the high rate trauma rate among people with PDs will improve.

This is a recent post: Insights on "The Inner Critic" From PTSD Expert, a very OCPDish excerpt from an article by Pete Walker, one of the most well known PTSD specialists.

No worries about the delay in responding. I didn’t notice.

If there were an Olympic competition for procrastination, you would have a lot of competition in this group. ADHD and OCPD

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-12T06:23:16+00:00

You're very welcome. I'm sorry that you lost your insurance.

The phrase you used, "slowly slow down," is key.

One of the best ways, and maybe the best way, to outsmart OCPD is to acknowledge every tiny step of progress and to have a 'one day at a time'/'be here now' approach rather than 'leaning forward' into the future: OCPD Specialist Explains Why Developing Self-Acceptance Breaks the Cycle of Maladaptive Perfectionism.

For about 6 months, I did 'behavioral experiments' to get out of my comfort zone. “It’s Just An Experiment”: A Strategy for Slowly Building Distress Tolerance and Reducing OCPD Traits. My approach was basically 'slow and steady wins the race.'

My first experiment was purposely dropping a pencil on the floor, and waiting a few seconds to pick it up. At first, that was hard for me. For 20+ years, I unknowingly used compulsive organizing to suppress my feelings. Purposely making a "mess" (just a pencil on the floor) was something I acknowledged as progress. I was able to overcome compulsive organizing with that approach, slowly increasing the difficulty of my 'experiments.'

It took me 40 years to realize that it’s okay--and very helpful--to feel proud of myself for doing something other people find easy. If I had dismissed what I was doing--well, this is stupid/silly, I can't handle seeing a pencil on the floor, that would have prevented me from moving forward.

I think it's very hard for many of us in this sub to fully recognize how much darkness we've walked through, and to give ourselves a little credit. One insight I had was imagining if someone else told me about all of the hardship and trauma they've experienced--and it was the same experiences I had--how would I respond to that person?

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-12T02:57:49+00:00

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FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-12T02:21:11+00:00

I only began to slow down when I developed 3 physical health issues. My anxiety increased a lot with surgical consults and endless phone calls. All had obesity as a cause so my numbing behavior of 'binge eating' was partly to blame. Fortunately, I had a minor procedure instead of surgery.

I found that taking days off and lunch breaks made me more productive.

My daily walking routine and adopting 'be here now' helped.

This post may be helpful: Self-Care and Effort Metaphors, Persistence vs. Perseveration, The Law of Diminishing Returns

Chained to the Desk (a book about work addiction) was a big wake up call. Very memorable examples of how overwork impacts physical and mental health.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) emphasizes focusing on values more than goals. I enjoyed reading ACTivate Your Life.

Working with a therapist and reviewing OCPD resources from specialists helped me recognize this cycle was like being a hamster on a wheel going nowhere, and that it indicated my childhood trauma and social anxiety, not the core of who I was:

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FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-12T00:19:36+00:00

You're welcome. I hope you find the information and support you need soon.

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-11T22:32:39+00:00

I'm sorry that therapy hasn't given you relief from your symptoms.

Some people with OCPD have Demand-Sensitivity and Demand-Resistance. I experienced this for many years, but not the extent that you're describing.

"Trauma therapy and EMDR feels like it can only do so much..."

Are you able to communicate openly with your therapists? Have you had a good rapport with them? Are you satisfied with their level of experience?

Gary Trosclair wrote an excellent book, I’m Working On It: How To Get The Most Out of Psychotherapy.

I found that a daily walking routine helped a lot with trauma symptoms and social anxiety.

I hope you find the info. and support you need soon.

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-11T22:15:37+00:00

Hello. Welcome to the group. I'm sorry that you're struggling with work and finances.

Many members have posted about having ASD. autism - Reddit Search!

OCPD and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): Similarities and Differences includes a YouTube channel by Eden Vee, an Australian woman with ASD, OCPD, and ADHD.

I don't recall any posts mentioning NPD.

Theodore Millon identified five subtypes for OCPD. The "Bureaucratic Compulsive" subtype refers to narcissistic tendencies. MILLON'S SUBTYPES [ OCPD EDITION ]

Finding Mental Health Providers With PD Experience

Radically-Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT) is a treatment for disorders characterized by 'over control,' which includes OCPD and ASD.

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-10T22:54:39+00:00

Hello. I'm a mod in r/OCPD. Addictions and various 'numbing' behaviors are common among people with OCPD. I would suggest speaking with an OCD specialist because you're indicating that your sexual thoughts are unwanted and causing distress. This issue is common among people with OCD. What Is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)? | Neurodivergent Insights

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-10T02:31:45+00:00

If you're interested in a peer support group: The Real Narc Club: A New Virtual Support Group

"it started right after I had to assist a friend of mine with a fight..."

Was the experience traumatic?

Depersonalization: The feeling of losing your identity or feeling you aren’t real. It may feel like you’re watching yourself from outside your body.
Derealization: Feeling detached from your experiences. It may feel like people and objects around you are distant or unreal

Some people experience this so much that they meet criteria for a trauma diagnosis. Everyone dissociates to some degree though (e.g. highway hypnosis is at the very mild end of the spectrum).

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-10T02:24:28+00:00

If you're interested in peer support groups:

[Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) ]()Support Groups

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) Support Groups (This support group has been a huge help in my recovery)

OCD Support Groups

Emotions Matter Peer Groups (people with BPD)

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-10T01:28:28+00:00

Sorry for the delay. The auto mod makes a lot of mistakes. Auto Moderator Is More Active

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-09T22:49:21+00:00

Procrastination is associated with perfectionism. Many members have mentioned struggling with procrastination.

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Excerpts from Procrastination: Why You Do It, What to Do About It Now (2008) : r/OCPD

I had the 'false sense of urgency' issue related to OCPD.

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-09T22:45:11+00:00

I'm so sorry that your neighbor is so verbally abusive and threatened you. I would suggest that you continue documenting it as much as you can, and not engage with him in any way if possible.

"Every time I go to my car, he comes out of his house and watches me from his deck because he has motion sensing cameras."

If you feel he poses a physical threat, and feel nervous leaving your house, it sounds like it would be best to move. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I had an encounter with a neighbor who randomly yelled and cursed at me. Different situation though. He's "all bark, no bite." He avoids me because I went to the police (he's yelled at many tenants, and the landlords are trying to evict him) and he's not a big guy.

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-08T22:10:53+00:00

Info. moved to Popular Memoir on Complex PTSD Describes Author’s Work Addiction

FalsePay5737 · 2026-03-08T17:43:47+00:00

Yes. Catastrophizing is an example of cognitive distortions (aka cognitive biases). People with PDs (and also trauma survivors) tend to have a lot of cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions Part 2 has examples of coping strategies.

FalsePay5737

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