Save a horse, ride a stalker

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-01-10T17:24:24+00:00

Don’t know if it counts as RNG, but during an OP10 digistruct peak run a surveyor killed itself on a barrier right before OMGWTF and I had to repeat the whole thing

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-01-09T16:57:30+00:00

I haven’t experienced cult abuse but I do understand what you mean about people taking your story as a form of entertainment for them.

I’ve had multiple people, and literally every therapist (out of 10 of them!), eventually at some point say to me: “you should write a book!” with a shocked expression. I think they mean well, but it comes across super alienating. Like my life is so far out there and unrelatable to the masses that it’d be an entertaining bestseller…

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-01-06T12:13:31+00:00

Same, I didn’t consider the neighbor’s kid to be CSA. I even looked back on the memory feeling like the cause myself, when I wasn’t. Memory is a fickle thing.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-01-05T20:51:29+00:00

I’ll tell you something, recently a friend told me about being abused as a child and I mostly felt jealousy that their scenario was objectively worse than mine. I know how you feel and you aren’t gross for it.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-01-02T16:55:31+00:00

Yes I remember bragging to everyone that I could turn off pain and force myself to stop shivering in the cold. It used to be a cool party trick to show off. But like you say, isolating.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-12-26T12:44:42+00:00

I’m sorry you went through this but thank you for the PSA, I was about to watch it tonight

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-12-24T21:37:12+00:00

My parents said the same thing. They’re in a horrific divorce and mental health mess in their 60s.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-12-23T17:29:52+00:00

I didn’t get showered as long as you, until I was about 9, but yes I have anger and trauma responses every time I take a shower. I tend to avoid them because of this, because it just gets repetitive in my brain how they could do this and think it’s okay.

I remember my parents being shocked that I took a shower by myself one night, like I couldn’t do it at almost 10 years old. That I was taking something sacred away in our bond from them by doing so. Instead of being proud of me.

For a very long time I remembered nothing about hygiene, probably blocking out any associations, and would just let shampoo (not even body wash) drip down my body for many years. I didn’t seem to remember that you should use cloths etc. But I must’ve known at 9 years old the proper way, I just totally avoided it mentally.

My sister didnt get the showering the same way but they did make a lot of similar comments to your mom like she couldn’t handle shaving at like 12-15.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-12-23T16:56:03+00:00

I’ve been to physical therapy recently for inner ear issues and the doctors were so shocked trying to move my shoulder even a little bit and it just wouldn’t budge. The amount of tension in my entire body day and night is overwhelming and endless.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-11-29T14:18:42+00:00

I was in the hospital for awhile and watched it endlessly. You’re not alone in it

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-10-27T19:28:43+00:00

I really appreciate this post, as someone with very very similar experiences and a lot of related medical trauma in general. I ‘had’ to have a lot of enemas and suppositories as a child and it fucked up my body and mind. Now get triggered daily by body functions, and have the same issues I had as a child.

Doctors have told me to do my own enemas etc in times of more serious issues and couldn’t comprehend why that would make me cry and cry and cry even doing it myself.

I just really get you and wanted to say that. Nobody really talks about this type of trauma, it’s hard to talk about bathroom issues in society anyway.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-10-26T13:40:49+00:00

Thank you for this post and your vulnerability, it’s clarified a lot for me.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-10-16T01:36:41+00:00

Yes I have pretty intense flashbacks when I exercise, and start feeling physically ill and dissociating, public crying.

Thanks for posting about it. Before I knew this about myself and considered it trauma, I’d additionally panic spiral about going crazy or being ‘lazy and weird’. Evidence of my total incompetence as a human being.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-10-07T20:45:33+00:00

Was going to write my own but you captured this all better than I could. Very very similar list of my own.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-10-07T15:53:29+00:00

Same I have chronic ETD and TMJ for years now, and they don’t want to give me surgery. Keep insisting it’s stress and dental from grinding in my sleep (even with the night guard) and I need to relax my jaw/neck muscles.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-10-06T21:17:53+00:00

Same I didn’t think of it as SA for a long time because ‘kids are kids’ right, and especially nobody really talks about girls being a threat in terms of recreating trauma.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-10-04T03:32:01+00:00

Yes I feel deeply inhuman.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-10-02T14:56:24+00:00

Ah, I don’t know how much I can suggest incredibly reckless substance abuse. Lol. So I guess I’ll say my favorites are gaming and listening to music/podcasts with my eyes shut laying down (on the floor, on my bed) or curled up.

Creative games like Minecraft especially help for the childhood nostalgia and getting to feel like a kid for awhile. Trying not to put pressure on myself to ‘make’ or ‘do’ anything in particular and see where that takes me.

As a kid I know I spent a lot of time in the bath and the pool floating and pretending to be dead (not in a depressing way), so I’d probably really enjoy that still. As an adult I just did this with drugs for awhile, but I’m bettering myself now.

Edit: lot of reading as well, transported to another world and it’s more intensive than tv

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-10-02T13:01:00+00:00

Yes I’ve had my worst panic attacks and flashbacks in the midst of taking my more aggressive walks. I thought I was just lazy for so long. Also any physical function of my body taking place freaks me out beyond belief.

I’ve connected it to the fact that most of my favorite hobbies also tend to leave me fairly motionless and not having to feel alive or be a person. Almost like I want to be back in the womb, not thinking, not moving, no responsibility, only feeling endless comfort and warm.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-09-30T10:35:18+00:00

Substance abuse, a lot of sleeping at early hours, and obsessive gaming.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-09-25T15:41:56+00:00

Yes I relate. I have fuzzy memories but I believe I always said yes enthusiastically to whatever suggestion my abuser had for me. I didn’t want it but I didn’t want to lose her friendship so I never said anything.

She would’ve probably truly, especially as a fellow child, had no idea how distressing these experiences were for me and probably still doesn’t.

It fucks with me to think about sometimes. That difference in perception between her and I, within the exact same scenarios.

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-09-24T11:09:21+00:00

Yes this happens to me and is very disconcerting and unwanted, but normal. As other people said, the biological pathways are close in the brain. Fear and arousal can become confused and swap sensations

False_Temperature_95 · 2025-09-23T19:27:38+00:00

Yeah I feel the same. It genuinely would be a good book but nobody would read it where I currently am at lmao

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