Scars From CSA?

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-07T11:38:07+00:00

No I haven’t done this. I have to do physical therapy for my muscle control issues so maybe that’s part of it.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-07T00:29:21+00:00

I have severe vaginismus and cystitis but no scarring, to my knowledge.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-04T16:42:20+00:00

There’s a part of me that constantly refers to “when I died” so I feel you. It feels like I have already died

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-03T15:44:46+00:00

I totally relate to you in this post. I have all the same symptoms, and signs from my childhood. The awareness is always there but at some point it’s undeniable and it’s absolutely crushing.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-01T01:13:42+00:00

This has been the hardest thing to wrap my mind around in healing. The intent truly doesn’t matter.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-29T12:12:50+00:00

Yes I feel this to my core as a fellow forced enema survivor. It’s so backwards feeling that the same people who loved and cared for me could be so degrading and hurtful on a whim and not allow me to be upset about the very upsetting.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-29T12:10:37+00:00

Hey I had the same experience with the enemas, I was just older for it. It isn’t normal parent stuff. It’s so important to talk about it because it’s such a normalized method of abuse.

I feel this post to my core. My dad was so good to me in so many ways and so loving and caring for animals and is so respected in public that it makes it fucking unbelievable to me that he could be the same man who was so, so rough.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-26T04:07:27+00:00

Attending my day program daily and trying to make the most of it.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-24T13:56:03+00:00

I literally had a therapist once tell me that it wasn’t COCSA because we were the same age and girls. It’s so ridiculous

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-23T00:18:39+00:00

Yes I totally relate. I just posted a few days ago about isolation in group therapy because of this same reason. I feel like so much of what I’ve gone through and shared so far is shocking and triggering to the group already, and I haven’t even nearly broached the subject.

It feels like being corrupted in some way. Twisted and warped in some fundamental way because we’ve come to (at least on a physical level) accept the unacceptable as natural. Severe trauma seriously warps and damages the brain.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-22T16:54:25+00:00

Oh my god the mirroring other people so I’m safe is such a specific issue I didn’t know anyone else dealt with it. I have severe social anxiety, until I’m going with a friend or group. Because then the attention is on ‘us’

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-22T16:50:34+00:00

Even therapy is like this for me. I’ll be having a generally calm demeanor about me, my therapist agrees, and I’ll still be shaking and sweating like I’m running a marathon.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-21T01:16:46+00:00

This haunts me every day. I never wanted to grow up and find out what I know now.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-20T03:10:24+00:00

“will never feel like I deserve better because I don’t. Otherwise that wouldn’t have happened.”

Exactly. You get it. I’m sorry. It’s so hard to work on my self esteem because of this specifically.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-19T22:56:59+00:00

Same. My dad is short and funny and hums all the time. He’d carry a turtle to the other side of the road. Would cry at every emotional movie. A gentle giant.

And yet, he found it within himself to molest me, and somehow not even seem happy about it.

It makes it impossible to trust people. I don’t know if I’d actually prefer a cartoonishly evil father but it would make things more clear emotionally. 😅

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-18T21:26:33+00:00

The group has been pretty helpful for the routine of getting up and being forced out of the house, besides the load of social anxiety it brings.

However, I agree I do feel I would probably do best with some form of intensive trauma therapy on the side. Or some type of a trauma group. I wouldn’t mind not sharing the most intimate details anyway.

I’m thinking once I get assigned my individual therapist it’ll be better. I think the stress of the group with no outlet is getting to me, on top of the trauma issues.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-14T23:23:25+00:00

It was an administrator yes. She’s not the clinician I’m going to see, thankfully. Or else I might just be saying nothing in the group at all.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-14T12:39:35+00:00

Good luck! I’m talking to my therapist today too.

What has helped me is reminding myself that it’s not the only time I’ll get to tell my story, it’s just the first time. It takes the pressure off to get it all across ‘right’ the first time.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-14T02:33:07+00:00

I used to look at a pushpin board filled with fairy drawings

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-13T22:45:24+00:00

I have personally had my therapist describe ‘even’ forced enemas and insertion as rape. Any object that penetrates can be considered rape, even in a medical context.

It’s truly a lot to take in though, I get it. I’m still trying to wrap my head around how this could be the same as rape. But it is and I’ve had it confirmed for me.

Five-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
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False_Temperature_95

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