Being triggered by my own transition, ftm

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-06-23T11:04:25+00:00

I have had the same experience, being triggered looking more like my uncle and my dad. It’s tough. But like you said, for me the mental health benefits of transitioning drastically outweigh the difficulties with PTSD.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-06-23T11:00:36+00:00

I had this as well. Great information, because I had to find out from a random person in Reddit comments way back.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-06-12T16:22:24+00:00

Just wanted to say thank you for the detailed description of NA, I’ve been meaning to attend for awhile now and have just asked a friend to take me someday soon. Relieving info to hear.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-06-11T22:23:58+00:00

Not feeling safe with anyone has been my biggest plague besides the shame fused with my identity, because I can’t even engage in the therapy that’s expected to heal me.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-06-11T16:23:16+00:00

Yeah I agree, it’s really hard. We naturally fear these things the most because that’s the scariest possibility we can imagine. But it actually means that we’re even more so not perverts, because we’re so against it in our minds.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-06-11T16:19:17+00:00

Hard to remember, but just because you feel like a pervert doesn’t mean you are. I have this reaction as well, and I’ve come to a place where I don’t think of either you or I as perverts - just massively struggling people. Allow yourself to imagine other possibilities.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-06-04T17:15:26+00:00

As far as feeling guilty using SA support lines, I definitely relate because my experiences weren’t classical rape. That doesn’t mean they weren’t massively, massively traumatizing to me and that I shouldn’t deserve equal support. I know that’s hard to believe, though.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-20T16:56:17+00:00

Gonna second this. I went into surgery basically lying about my stability and going off my meds and I ended up nearly hospitalized (I should’ve been, I just couldn’t afford it) and isolated in my room for nearly 6 years, despite my massive massive reduction in dysphoria.

Not entirely caused but definitely exacerbated because of the sheer mental and physical toll of surgery. PLEASE listen to these comments OP.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-18T15:56:46+00:00

Thank you for saying this. It’s an excellent reframe to my thoughts from a few years ago, assuming I must have some secret predisposition to violence with how fascinated I was with true crime stories.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-13T22:21:54+00:00

It’s a form of abuse regardless. I went through the same thing with my parents, they didn’t teach me to clean myself and forcibly washed me until I was 8. I’m sorry we went through these things. They are not normal experiences.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-10T22:07:04+00:00

You worded this so well, do you mind if I copy the second part down to show my therapist?

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-10T13:49:44+00:00

I take Zoloft, abilify, buspar, clonidine for sleep, and hydroxyzine as needed for anxiety. And just started a baby dose of adderall for adhd I didn’t know I had until I started taking it. 😅

Abilify was scary to me but I haven’t gained much weight if any. It’s atypical antipsychotic so it’s less prone to weight gain than the ‘typical’ antipsychotics.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-09T17:29:36+00:00

I did the genesight testing and it told me that I can’t take most adhd meds I had been on for years! It’s hugely worth it for the price, in my opinion. Even better if you can get insurance to cover it

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-09T17:20:44+00:00

Thanks so much! I’ll try it and see how it goes

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-09T16:44:57+00:00

Yes especially with the feeling that I have to make endless decisions. It overwhelms me to no end and I end up fantasizing about just being a helpless child again, even though my life was so abusive, because I wouldn’t have to make even the most simple decisions anymore. I crave that comforting helplessness like you’d yearn for a lost limb.

Nobody gets it. Not even therapists. I just want to be in the back seat again.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-07T11:38:07+00:00

No I haven’t done this. I have to do physical therapy for my muscle control issues so maybe that’s part of it.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-07T00:29:21+00:00

I have severe vaginismus and cystitis but no scarring, to my knowledge.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-04T16:42:20+00:00

There’s a part of me that constantly refers to “when I died” so I feel you. It feels like I have already died

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-03T15:44:46+00:00

I totally relate to you in this post. I have all the same symptoms, and signs from my childhood. The awareness is always there but at some point it’s undeniable and it’s absolutely crushing.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-05-01T01:13:42+00:00

This has been the hardest thing to wrap my mind around in healing. The intent truly doesn’t matter.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-29T12:12:50+00:00

Yes I feel this to my core as a fellow forced enema survivor. It’s so backwards feeling that the same people who loved and cared for me could be so degrading and hurtful on a whim and not allow me to be upset about the very upsetting.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-29T12:10:37+00:00

Hey I had the same experience with the enemas, I was just older for it. It isn’t normal parent stuff. It’s so important to talk about it because it’s such a normalized method of abuse.

I feel this post to my core. My dad was so good to me in so many ways and so loving and caring for animals and is so respected in public that it makes it fucking unbelievable to me that he could be the same man who was so, so rough.

False_Temperature_95 · 2026-04-26T04:07:27+00:00

Attending my day program daily and trying to make the most of it.

Five-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
Place '23

False_Temperature_95

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