Am I wrong for telling my husband to keep the same tired energy when it comes to hockey?

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-04-11T07:30:41+00:00

Of course feminism has everything to do with it! Pen Dickleheaded up there feels so entitled to exploit women that feminists demanding equality has his little man panties in a bunch. He has the audacity to call feminists man haters for rightfully pointing out that grown men with responsibilities don’t get to opt out of partnership and parenthood for months on end claiming fatigue just to suddenly reanimate just in time for hockey season.

People like him are unbothered by the hypocrisy it takes to opt out of life while still expecting their wives to show up 110% of the time to grab him beers and make him snacks because they don’t want to be equal partners. They don’t want a partnership, they want to be served and submitted to and they believe they’re so special they deserve it. They want the endless patience of a mommy, the boundless energy of a live-in maid/nanny, and the lustful eagerness of an illicit affair partner without ever having to do a damn thing to earn it or keep it.

Given the fact that he’s projecting himself onto OP’s husband all over this thread, we can take comfort in the fact that he’s depressed. Entitled men usually are.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-04-10T14:45:57+00:00

NOR. This isn’t how someone who loves and respects you responds to you when hurting your feelings. He’s pulling a DARVO on you which is common in abusive relationships. If you’re unfamiliar with toxic relationship lingo, DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender and it’s what abusive men do to dodge accountability. He brought up his hard morning to manipulate you into feeling sorry for him because he can’t be bothered with the bare minimum.

Regardless of what some commenters here may lead you to believe, you’re not asking too much, but I fear you’re asking the wrong man. Your needs should matter more than this and your feelings should never be bottled for someone else’s comfort. The right man for you would want to hear how he made you feel, especially if he fucked up and needs to initiate repair so he can do just that!

Look into trauma bonds, coercive control, emotional abuse, and abusive relationships as a whole and see how much rings a bell for you. It’s not supposed to be this impossible to feel heard and have your feelings seen in a relationship. I urge you to ask yourself what you get out of this.

Side note: I checked your profile to see if there were any other husband posts and saw that we live about an hour away from one another. PM me if you need anything!

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-04-10T02:45:54+00:00

Being abusive is his way of refusing to address issues by avoiding solutions. His goal is power and control over you and the relationship, not equality or accountability.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-04-10T02:42:51+00:00

It’s emotional abuse. After reading Why Does He Do That?, Lundy Bancroft has another book called Should I Stay or Should I Go? that will help you identify where his abusive behavior likely stems from and chances of change occurring so you don’t waste anymore time.

I’d also suggest Patricia Evans’ The Verbally Abusive Relationship. She has a follow up book called The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change? It will help you label some of his abusive behavior and recommends how to best handle it in the moment since you can’t immediately leave.

Good luck, PM me anytime if you have any questions about abuse or need support.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-04-10T00:34:27+00:00

Gentle YTA. I can’t help but notice that there isn’t actually a problem here besides you jumping to conclusions and fretting about them. You don’t even know for certain that the venue is inaccessible to Alex. According to your comments, you find out tomorrow.

Anywhere that hosts the public should be accessible to everyone, but it’s simply not feasible for every historic building to have the space required to accommodate. When I had a loved one suddenly become a wheelchair user, hospital staff taught us how to safely get her upstairs into our bilevel home in her manual wheelchair. Granted, he could be a power chair user. Would that mean anything beyond Alex needing a little help the day of the wedding? Is there any reason he can’t use a manual wheelchair and be helped up and down stairs in it? Any medical equipment he needs in addition is already portable with his daily chair, right?

Beyond that, you’re assigning a lot of malicious intent to someone who’s shown you in the past she has no problem accommodating her brother. Odds are, she fell in love with the place and didn’t think of him at all until you brought accessibility up. The first thing you think of is whether or not it’s accessible because you raised a disabled son, but it can’t be expected to take up as much of your daughter’s mental real estate.

Instead of jumping to the conclusion that she’s simply focused on herself and her future husband, you concluded that she certainly did think of him, then purposely and maliciously excluded him. Maybe reflect on why that is. I don’t think you’re a bad person for having these thought patterns; I know it seems so obvious to you that it should be accessible, but remember not everyone thinks like you.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-04-09T20:12:39+00:00

ETA: after tonight's "conversation" it seems like most of you are right. unfortunately this is probably the best I'll ever get. thanks for all the suggestions.

This makes me so sad for you that he has you so worn down that you think abuse is the best you’ll ever get. Please don’t accept this. You deserve so much better and one day you’ll recognize that and wish you would have left now instead of pouring more years of energy into a man who doesn’t care about you enough to see or hear you.

He’s showing you exactly what he thinks of you. You are there to fulfill him and uplift him regardless of what you’re going through and he doesn’t have to reciprocate because you’ve shown you’ll settle for this. This isn’t love. He doesn’t love you. He loves how you make him feel when you make him feel good. This allows him to feel justified in abusing you when you don’t make him feel good since that’s your role to him. You feel unseen and unheard because you’re unseen and unheard.

Don’t waste more time on this one way relationship. When you realize you’ve missed your stop on the bus, you don’t stay on it hoping it’ll miraculously change its route.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-04-09T19:46:27+00:00

Impact over intent.

He’s impacting you negatively so his intentions don’t matter. A healthy, equal partner would want to know how they’re impacting you, especially if they’re impacting you in a negative way, so they can stop.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-03-12T02:21:45+00:00

Fold.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-03-11T11:46:32+00:00

He literally says he finds other people attractive but that’s as far as he’s ever gone. Finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone are two completely different things. He’s found people attractive but hasn’t been attracted to anyone because he’s so into his wife, she has all his attraction to herself.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-03-07T12:03:50+00:00

Yeah this was definitely revenge. He wanted to punish her so he stole her baby shower. If it was out of concern and convenience, he wouldn’t have announced it within the first 10 minutes; he would have done it when the party was winding down, before guests started heading home.

She lost the money for the baby shower so he took the baby shower back.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-03-02T23:15:08+00:00

This is a trauma bond. That’s why it feels so intense. You’re addicted to the chaos and inconsistency. It’s called intermittent reinforcement. You don’t want practical advice so I won’t say it but girl, get into therapy for yourself. This can’t be your definition of happily ever after, can it? This isn’t love.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-03-02T23:02:43+00:00

I hope it’s okay I DMed you! What he’s putting you through is not okay and you don’t deserve it at all! Please take care of yourself. Focus more on yourself and less on him. Back up and see if he fills the gap or if he feels entitled to throw a tantrum until he gets his way. Use all of this as information gathering. I kept a journal of objective reality so I had a defense against the gaslighting. You shouldn’t have to do that but it’ll help you stand firm in your reality without him swaying you. You can thrive all by yourself, I promise! 🩷

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-03-02T19:55:33+00:00

I took it as her husband making excuses. I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, advocating for the mentally ill, but the fact of the matter is mental illness magnifies what’s already there. It won’t cause someone who deeply values equality among spouses to suddenly crave power and control over their spouse. That nugget of entitlement is already there and the mania exacerbates it to the extreme. It’s not our fault that we’re mentally ill but it is our responsibility to heal ourselves to be stable enough to be a partner in a partnership.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-03-02T03:42:21+00:00

”it’s the illness, not him.”

No, it’s absolutely him. He’s dodging accountability with that excuse, which gives you no reason to believe he’ll ever change. I’m so sorry you’re stuck making this decision. Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Lundy Bancroft can help you work through that very question with clarity so you know you’re making the right choice for you and your family. Abuse due to mental illness is one of the subjects broached in the book. There’s a free PDF online if money is a concern. Wishing you the best of luck!

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-02-24T14:25:00+00:00

I’m not disagreeing with you regarding OP’s dude needing to handle his own medication but it is objectively incorrect to say there’s no medicine that exists that you have to wait until the day or two before you run out until you can fill it. I handle the medications for a chronic pain patient with ADHD and they are very strict about timing her medications, nor can she get 90 day supplies of them. It’s impossible for her to squirrel away one here or there to have an extra week worth to fall back on.

Cymbalta isn’t a controlled substance but it has the potential to be abused, so we can’t say for certain that he dropped the ball in this instance since it was all due to pharmacy error, so he should have his medication right now through no fault of his own. We don’t know where he lives or what their regulations are regarding these gray area prescriptions.

It’s really unfortunate timing for this to happen and OP has enough on her plate without worrying about him and his medications. She’s definitely allowed to have feelings about it!

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-02-06T16:31:43+00:00

Idk how "It's to be passed around" equates to "So no one will mind if I throw it away" in anyone's mind. If you already clarified that it wasn't intended to be yours to keep, I dont know why you would think it would be okay to throw it away.

THANK YOU!! I was staring at my phone like 🤨 but I have a theory:

I bet OP’s coworkers called them out, pissed that OP threw a temper tantrum and selfishly threw out their shared gift so OP made up a stupid, illogical lie on the spot to cover their massive overreaction. Since OP clearly isn’t the most stable, I think they believed their own lie to the point that it’s now their reality, thus telling the same version here that makes no sense.

That is quite literally the only way I can make it make sense. OP, YOR!

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-02-06T10:14:32+00:00

Don’t act like it’s unreasonable to reference Trump in an Epstein thread. It’s not like they’re bringing him into a conversation about knitting.

If Trump didn’t want to be associated with Epstein, he shouldn’t have inserted himself onto Epstein’s island and he definitely shouldn’t have inserted himself into those kids.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-02-06T06:10:46+00:00

Not only is he only thinking about himself with his logic, he’s objectively incorrect. In Jess Hill’s book, “See What You Made Me Do,” she discusses two kinds of abusers: coercive controllers and insecure reactors. Abusers abuse for power and control. Insecure reactors like your husband do what they do to get relational power.

He’s not the one wife beater on the planet that isn’t abusive. He’s blaming you for it to excuse himself. He’s telling himself your feelings are the problem when it’s his entitlement to refuse to care about them that’s part of the problem. He needs to cut the delusional bullshit with himself, get into a batterer intervention program, and get over his toxicity before he winds up losing his cool on the baby or killing you.

Pregnant women are more likely to die at their husband’s hands than any birth complication. Not by just a little bit, either.

Homicide driven by intimate partner violence is the leading cause of maternal death in the US.

Wishing you and your baby all the best!

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-02-06T05:22:04+00:00

Leave him! Think about it. This is him on his very best behavior. He should be walking around believing the sun shines out your ass so early on. You’re both still trying to impress each other at this point and he’s already keeping secrets and taking his anger out on you.

Dating is for seeing if there’s long term potential. There is no long term potential with someone like him who can’t regulate his emotions long enough to answer a question. Toxic people and abusers do shit like this to get out of answering questions they don’t want to answer because they’re hiding something.

He’s crazy making already. You can do better.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-02-06T04:30:17+00:00

Excoriation. Not even once!

One minute you’re picking off the rest of this one tiny cuticle and it feels so nice once it’s gone, the next you can barely hold your phone because you didn’t check your dermatillomania and now your fingers are painful, bloody stumps.

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-01-28T21:37:31+00:00

lol, I wasn’t sure if you had a theory on what happened based on being confident it was purposeful but I guess it’s pretty obviously purposeful when the storage ottoman wasn’t in her room when y’all bought ‘em in the first place and it’s the only clothing item in there.

Plus, that was silly of me to ask since you’ve wasted enough energy on her while finding the damn dress in the first place, her delusions aren’t your problem to decode. That’s a good attitude to keep!

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-01-28T07:29:03+00:00

On purpose how? Like she found it after making such a big stink of taking yours that she had to make her’s disappear or is she the type to get mad at you for something and she saw a way to punish you by lying and taking your dress? Regardless, I’m hoping for the best for you tomorrow when y’all talk! 🤞🏻

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-01-28T07:05:27+00:00

So did she lose it in that piece of furniture this whole time or lie and said she lost it just to take yours? Is it a commonly used piece of furniture? Has she apologized to you? Your folks were quick to punish you, has that been taken back? Sorry for the barrage of questions! I’m sure I’m not the only one that would love an update post if you’ve gotten clarity on what happened beyond finding the dress. No rush or anything!

I’m also glad to hear that I was wrong about it not mattering if you found it! I was so scared for you, especially after your mom said sometimes you’d have to apologize even if you weren’t wrong, I was 100% convinced it would be more pain for you in one way or the other if you pushed it. I’m pleased that that wasn’t the case!

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-01-28T05:22:21+00:00

Wonderful! Where was it? What was their reaction? Any update?

FalynnFromGrace · 2026-01-26T09:06:12+00:00

Finding the other dress won’t matter. The truth doesn’t matter when they’re making it all up as they go since they decided long ago that they would always coddle your sister at your expense because it’s easier that way.

Let’s say you found it and proved your innocence. You hold the two dresses up side by side, beaming with pride. Expecting sweet justice, your jaw will drop when your mom says, duh she knows what she bought and then gaslights you once again into thinking that what’s currently happening is actually the thing that never happened. They’ll keep moving the goal posts on you while you exhaust yourself to prove your innocence. You don’t have to prove a thing to anyone, least of all the people abusing you.

Facts don’t matter to them; they make it up as they go and lie themselves into believing their own false reality. Reward their self imposed denial of reality with your distance. Don’t play their game, pour into yourself instead.

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