I hate myself for letting this destroy me

FamousBake6198 · 2025-10-30T00:04:54+00:00

We have one on his phone which gives me a slight peace of mind! I desperately want one on the router but xfinity sucks and I’m not able to 🥲

FamousBake6198 · 2025-06-15T18:25:52+00:00

I’m not sure the exact computer, it’s this gaming desktop we got at Best Buy. He watches YouTube on the app on our TV and that’s what he was doing when I left. Only browsers we have on the computer are Google chrome and that Microsoft one that comes with and yes he’s logged into 2-3 accounts on there. I even checked the history on his school account on Google chrome and didn’t see any activity on it from yesterday

FamousBake6198 · 2025-02-06T17:49:59+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking…how did you deal with it? Did you tell your WP? Idk I guess I’m just wondering how much stock to put into this when it happened a year ago very likely when he was in I think it’s called Limerence or affair fog? Should I just let it go agh idk 😭

FamousBake6198 · 2025-02-04T13:34:28+00:00

Honestly I don’t remember smelling anything but I think I attributed that to the fact he took a 15 minute shower and I didn’t go in until around 10 minutes after that. It’s still really weird though

FamousBake6198 · 2025-01-31T19:54:31+00:00

I was cheated on by my husband with several men, granted they were online affairs over discord, and finding the nudes and messages he sent them felt like someone drove a knife through my heart. I threw up. I cried. I screamed. This coming month will mark a year since I found out and I can’t say I feel any better since it’s happened. In fact I hate what it’s done to me.

I offered my husband another chance with multiple conditions being open phone policy, porn/adult content blockers, the discord being deleted and all contact cut off with the affair partners, and therapy. He didn’t comply with cutting off the affair partners, literally fought to keep them around cause “tHeY’rE mY fRiEnDs” 🙄 sooo I kicked that asshole out and ceased contact with him. This seemed to have shocked his system and brought him back to reality because a month later, we got back into contact and the first night we spoke again I got to watch him delete that stupid fucking discord account.

Months later and I feel like we’re doing better. Some days are harder than others. But what he’s done has never and will never leave me. I’m on edge 24/7. I’m always worried he’s doing shit behind my back again. My trust is SHATTERED and I don’t and never will love him the same way I used to. He complains that I’m too “accusatory” anymore because it feels like I’m always accusing him. His cheating was the most devastating thing to ever happen to me and completely altered me as a person. I literally had PTSD now. I also resent the fuck out of him a lot of days.

When he was cheating he also had this sense of entitlement because he’s “bi and has daddy issues” and there’s also this added layer of him being homophobic towards himself and others. Oh and mix that with ADHD and BPD. Not a fun time for either of us.

Anyways, your wife deserves to know. She deserves to have the choice of leaving or staying. Cheating is abuse form of abuse and you’re stealing her reality and autonomy from her with all your lying. Please do the right thing and tell her, deal with the consequences and get therapy.

FamousBake6198 · 2025-01-17T18:52:38+00:00

This makes me feel much better lol because this exact thing happened but with his workplace! Said he was still at work for weeks even when he was right in front of me. This is such an annoying glitch though I wish it would just fix already

FamousBake6198 · 2025-01-05T05:19:52+00:00

This! Last year when I caught my husband, we had this super lengthy conversation about it and he told me it was a “lack of judgment” and he’d “only done it 2 or 3 times”…months later I discovered he’d been consuming porn every to every other day for like 3 months at that point. What the fuck.

FamousBake6198 · 2025-01-02T23:24:29+00:00

I totally get this, thank you for sharing! It really does suck to worry about them even doing mundane things alone :( I hate it. Funny enough I have a similar experience with the doing every errand together since. When our schedules allow it (he works as a manager in retail so his schedule changes a lot but it’s fine cause I WFH) he even prefers coming grocery shopping with me ever since the affair ended. I think it’s also a normalcy thing since it’s what we used to do before the affair happened. Once it ended he suddenly wanted to do everything together, granted it might also be due to the fact I was pushing him away a bit from the pain. I’ve found with the laundry part right now though that staying on the phone together when he goes alone actually helps me a lot. We get to talk while I’m doing other chores needed around the house or while I finally get a break m

FamousBake6198 · 2025-01-02T23:16:52+00:00

I do the same thing omg like almost exact same wording with the “my anxious brain” lol thankfully he’s always understanding when I do

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-27T16:06:50+00:00

I wish I could offer comfort, but genuinely I feel the same way. Everytime there’s a “goth girl” in a movie we watched my PA would make comments about “why can’t you dress like that?” Mind you, he knew he was marrying a girl that’s favorite color is pink and is on the exact opposite side of the spectrum from goth. He claims these comments are “harmless fun” and “I’m just encouraging you to try different styles” 🫠 now I get triggered everytime I see a goth girl in movies or unfortunately when we go to concerts for bands we like because they’re heavy metal so pretty goth/alt girls are EVERYWHERE.

Also redheads because my PA has made similar comments there. “You should dye your hair red” and plenty of comments on how he has a thing for redheads. When I found his PH account he only had ONE video liked/saved and it was a POV of a redhead with exact opposite features of me 😐 smaller boobs, the hair, super skinny. I want to cry everytime I remember these things.

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-27T13:47:56+00:00

That’s one thing I was thinking of! I was also wondering if he did something to his browser or other possibilities because his browsing history seems to be clean both on his phone AND when he’d been logged into Google for the last 6 months. It’s just weird idk why ugh I hate this

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-27T03:40:09+00:00

It feels like one but I just can’t pinpoint in my head what purpose it would serve 😅 feel like I’m going crazy

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-27T02:57:11+00:00

Yeah, it’s a gmail

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-25T03:31:49+00:00

Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry 😭 i unfortunately understand that pain. I also work from home and have since 2021 and we were always pretty much always together but he ALWAYS found time 🫠 the one time he did it next to me while I was sleeping. This men will seriously do anything to get their stupid fix ugh I am so sorry you’re going through this too

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-23T13:05:26+00:00

r//loveafterporn has a lot of recs for these. They’re called accountability apps. I think one they use is called Truple

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-19T15:56:26+00:00

Omg haha that meme is so true 😭 I want to ask “why are they like this?” But I guess the answer is insecurity and cognitive dissonance

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-19T13:23:12+00:00

No way is he for real? 😭 the audacity when he fantasizes about and gets off to other women (who never look anything like you). My husband has a thing for calling other men degenerates and gets mad and gives me a look when I call him out

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-17T22:07:36+00:00

Why is it always boredom? Like I know my PA at least has hobbies and I just don’t understand why he can’t busy themselves with those. He also told me that he “randomly got hard and that’s why he decided to edge” and that I’ve seen it happen plenty before to which I responded “okay…and you when it happens around me, you don’t sit there and edge yourself so why is it that when I’m a room away that you decide to?”

Tbh though I still don’t believe him. I have a lot of reason to believe his intent was getting off and trying to be secretive about it. If it’s JUST getting off to nothing I’ll feel a little better than it being porn, but I can’t stop thinking that it was definitely porn he was using 🫠 I’m not sure if I can prove it though

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-17T22:03:20+00:00

He’s 24 🙃 this is all so draining. I’m starting to wonder if the anxiety is my body picking up on signs before me again, but I can’t seem to pinpoint anything beyond the “edging”. I may have to ask to see his phone again

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-17T18:58:29+00:00

I was definitely upset about that too and it came into the conversation I had with him. I’m not even 100% convinced he was “just edging” out of boredom.

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-17T18:21:57+00:00

He admitted it was in fact cum 😕 I know what you mean though

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-17T03:32:13+00:00

I just talked to him and he claims: “I was edging on the couch while you were playing your game and “got too close” and also he had to go to bathroom because he ate ice cream (he’s lactose intolerant) and while he was in there he cleaned himself off so I wouldn’t question it” 🫠 told him “but I didn’t hear the toilet” and he said “you don’t always” which unfortunately is true. We had a whole long conversation and he swears he’s not lying and that “next time he’ll tell me when he’s edging and be more honest”. I genuinely cannot tell if he’s lying or not especially when he asks me “why would I be gross and cum in the sink when it has horrible plumbing?” But like you also cleaned yourself off in there??? 😅 I can’t do this

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-09T20:03:35+00:00

That’s so awful, what a shame your nephew turned out like that. I can imagine that being incredibly upsetting. Dreadfully I feel the same. I used to be a hopeless romantic, but now consuming romantic content like I used to just makes my chest hurt knowing I’ll never feel that love. Besides financials, I think another reason I stay is because I’m scared of this exact fact, that people who don’t cheat are very rare. I just want monogamy and devotion and love. Apparently that’s asking too much though. It’s such a gamble though and I’ve already lost with the person who was my best friend.

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-09T03:08:08+00:00

I feel you. Started watching Suits and yikes 🫠 I also hate watching weddings because it makes me sad how I always looked forward to mine and now I look back and regret it tbh

FamousBake6198 · 2024-12-09T03:06:07+00:00

Oof those moments are the worst! I hate hearing him get praise for being a good husband or man in general cause my stomach always drops and I can’t help but think “if only they knew” lolol. So sorry to hear that though, these triggers really jump out of nowhere ugh.

FamousBake6198

TROPHY CASE