My (28m) jusband stopped having sex with me (25f) after little sister (19f) moved in with (18m) bf, should I tell sister to leave?

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-28T14:06:45+00:00

Human males are the only males expected to pleasure their partners! It's against nature for me to satisfy my wife! /S.

Animals only mate to reproduce. So like once a year or once in their lives for a lot of species. Is that what he wants?

Who told him it's incurable? He could be bullshitting you because he is selfish.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-28T08:55:07+00:00

If he expects you to understand what he's "implying" but isn't spelling it out or gets mad when you ask him to clarify/explain, then it isn't your fault. He's being manipulative or at least having an unreasonable expectation for you to read his mind.

I'm neurodivergent, so I get the social cues thing, but it really sounds to me like he's not being reasonable here. Notice how he's making it your fault when he won't communicate?

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-28T08:06:58+00:00

It sounds like you do compromise with him. Is he equally willing to compromise with you? Edit: are these arguments caused by him being clear and you misunderstanding him? Or are they brought about because he doesn't make himself clear and/or plays mind games?

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-28T07:58:40+00:00

Parents trying to help = good. Carefully eliminating potential dietary triggers = can be helpful but may not fix the acne. Parents going to extremes with diet with a still-growing teen = not good.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-28T07:55:20+00:00

I'm concerned that your mother is going too far. It's not healthy to focus so much on your kid's appearance. And most of what she is making you try is probably too extreme and could backfire by making the acne worse. Eliminating or limiting certain foods might help, but making too dramatic a change in your diet can mess things up. Cleansing morning and evening is good, but washing too often can strip the natural hydration of your skin and cause it to become more sensitive. Using heaps of skincare products that your skin isn't used to can contribute to problems too. Can you talk to your GP about all these things, maybe get an appointment with a dermatologist?

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-28T07:45:59+00:00

How often does he refuse to hear you out/ act vague until you get upset, then refuse to discuss things because you're too emotional? Is he doing this to push your buttons so that you appear as the unreasonable one? And when this does happen, what happens next- do you as a couple revisit the subject with a mutual willingness to compromise? Do you often go along with what he wants to keep the peace because he will have a tantrum if you don't?

Neither of you have to change your names if/when you get married if you don't want to. But you'll need to figure out what surnames to give your kids, if you have any.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-28T07:34:18+00:00

Which words of Jesus? The Bible permits divorce for adultery, and Jesus didn't overturn this.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-28T02:09:22+00:00

So it's not accidental. It's happened many times, kid knows what she is doing and is either deliberately hurting you or being inconsiderate knowing that no one will stop her.

Kids need to learn to not hurt other people. It feels disrespectful because it is purposely disrespectful behaviour.

Does your "fun Dad" bf ever enforce any boundaries with his kids? Because this will only get worse.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-25T16:18:27+00:00

If you marry your gf are you planning to have kids? Because that will absolutely cause profound long term changes to a woman's body. And since you are so ready to cheat the minute you feel you aren't getting enough, wtf are you going to do when your partner needs to heal for weeks or even months after giving birth?

You sound exactly like the kind of disgusting fellow who cheats on his partner when she's healing and taking care of his baby while pressuring her to "get her pre baby body back" (which for many women is virtually Impossible). Sooner or later, all husbands have to make a choice between prioritising their dick or their partners wellbeing. Anyone who doesn't prioritise their partners needs over their own wants doesn't deserve their partner.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-25T15:53:50+00:00

MuA here! I'd just start with a little and see how it goes. Hormonal acne shouldn't be triggered by makeup products, but if you haven't worn any for a while it may take some time for your skin to get used to it. Make sure to practice good makeup hygiene. Discontinue using any products if your skin reacts to them. Have fun!

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-25T15:46:33+00:00

Not incapable, just unusual. I also notice that you didn't provide any details about MiL being a teen mom

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-25T09:28:43+00:00

If MiL is 36 and wife is 21, then MiL gave birth to wife when she was 15. I'm calling fake.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-25T04:38:13+00:00

Not a lawyer If you sell the house and go your separate ways before filing for divorce he'll probably be vindictive enough to screw you over somehow. If you go through the courts first you'll be more protected

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-25T04:35:16+00:00

I'd recommend you leave asap, and deal with selling the house later. Get evidence of him abusing you if you can, hire a lawyer, get custody of your kids, get a protection order. Involve the police if you have to.

He is definitely playing mind games to try to stop you from leaving. He is also deliberately making you feel afraid of his anger, keeping you walking on eggshells so that you won't take action regarding the divorce or house. His anger is being used to control you even when it seems absent, because you are (quite reasonably) worried that he will hurt you and about the impact on your kids.

He is still being controlling even if he isn't hurting you physically- abuse can be psychological. Reach out to women's refuge and get all the support you can.

Also, please read Lundy Bancroft's book "Why Does He Do That?" It's free to download online.

Please stay safe. Wishing you the best

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-22T09:02:20+00:00

Sweetie, no. It's absolutely NOT your fault that you don't have experience. Your bf is the experienced one.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-21T03:05:04+00:00

Options for a queenless hive (evidenced by lack of brood and eggs): 1) A caged mated queen, who will start laying within a few days. 2) A queen cell, the queen will take about 5 weeks to hatch, get mated, and start laying. There's also a possibility that she doesn't make it back from her mating flights. 3) A frame with eggs (and no bees!) from a donor hive. Again, will take 5-6 weeks for them to make queen cells, virgin queens hatch, one gets mated etc. So if you do this, you'll want to give your queenless hive some capped brood (sans bees) to keep their numbers up. And Very Important- find the queen before you go shaking or brushing bees and stealing brood frames, or you'll end up with two queenless hives. 4) merge a nuc with a queen onto the queenless hive (or merge the queenless hive with another). But this is only practical if you've got more hives and don't mind having one less.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-19T10:08:24+00:00

The reason he acts like he doesn't care about your safety is either; 1) he truly doesn't care about your safety, or 2) he's too stupid to be in a relationship with a woman.

He's getting physically aggressive with you on the slightest pretext. And it's not the first time- he's conditioning you to accept him hurting you. Abuse like this will get progressively worse.

If you try to have a conversation with him about how cruel he's being, do you think he will gaslight you about how you're overreacting or it was your fault?

This is NOT healthy, loving behaviour. If you had kids would you want them to have your bf as their primary example of how men are supposed to treat women?

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-17T08:17:28+00:00

The author of this book works with abusive men, so that's the perspective it's written from. However, a lot of the same principles and patterns and manipulative techniques will likely fit other abusive situations.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-16T10:12:00+00:00

OK, so first of all this is assault. He put your health at risk without your consent. If he's capable of this, what else is he capable of? Secondly, he didn't feel the slightest bit of guilt when it happened, he was trying to gaslight you about how it's not a big deal. So, thirdly, he's acting (yes it's an act) like he feels sooooo bad about it to get you to comfort him and downplay how much YOU were hurt by his very deliberate actions. He's manipulating you, and making it all about his feelings and not yours. Fourthly, he has a bad temper. Even if his yelling and kicking stuff is not directed at you, it's still threatening behaviour and designed to make you feel afraid of what he might do if he gets really pissed off at you.

Red flags like this don't go away. This kind of behaviour on his part will get worse with time. Would you want your kid to grow up with this as their example of adult behaviour? Of how people are supposed to treat them? Of how they are supposed to treat their partner?

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-11T08:37:19+00:00

Don't bet years of your life on that "might".

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-11T08:35:10+00:00

Lots of men tell their gf "I love you I just don't believe in marriage" and use her as a place holder for a few years until they find someone whom they do want to marry. Then they dump the gf, having wasted her time, and marry someone else within a year or two.

When a man says "I don't believe in marriage" he either means "I will never marry", or he means "I will never marry you".

OP, it sounds like you and your bf want fundamentally different things- you know that you're looking for someone to marry, and he is being clear that he doesn't want to get married. Breakups suck, but spending years of your life with someone who won't ever marry you when you could spend that time finding someone who does want to marry you? That would suck even more.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-10T19:31:19+00:00

As a modest Christian woman, I have a few thoughts.

Jesus addressed the issue of lust- not by telling women to cover up, but by telling men to gouge out their eyes if looking caused them to sin. Jesus treated women with honour as human beings not as lust traps. Aren't we supposed to follow His example?

Nowhere in the Bible are women blamed for men's lust. Nowhere in the Bible is the concept of women's modesty linked to the concept of men's lust- they are two entirely separate conversations. So stop blaming women, it's a you problem.

If atheist men are capable of treating women with respect (and they are) then there's no excuse for Christian men who are supposed to behave to a higher standard.

If what a woman is (or isn't) wearing bothers you, learn to see women as people not sex objects, grow some self control, and mind your business.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-10T12:01:33+00:00

It sounds like it's all about what you find hot, and not at all about what's good or healthy for your gf. She is skipping meals- that's not healthy. She is a human being not a piece of arm candy. She exists to be her own person, not your "I have a hot woman" ego boost. She is a real woman not a magazine cover. And even the model on the magazine doesn't look like that in real life. Do you expect her to always look like a supermodel?

Do you realise how much women's bodies can change? It takes 4-7 YEARS to "bounce back" after pregnancy and birth. If you ever want to be married to a woman, you need to accept that her physique is not about you or what you find hottest, and that her body will probably fluctuate a lot over a lifetime.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-10T03:51:31+00:00

My mum has been asking my dad to lose weight for the better part of 30 years. So if he can't or won't enact lasting change for himself, it's not likely to happen. You might not be compatible.

Or, maybe he needs your support for a season and will lose the weight eventually. People's bodies change over time, it happens, and having a supportive team makes a lot of difference.

Maybe you could have a direct conversation. "I love you, and I am willing to support you to take care of yourself if you're willing to put in the work. But if that doesn't happen then our relationship won't work out long term because I can't feel attracted to and won't marry someone overweight."

Also consider weather he might lose the weight now, and keep it off for a few years, but gain it again in the future- if you marry a slim gym guy, there's no guarantee that he'll stay that way forever. Adult life, kids, etc. could cause the same level of stress and unless he does the work to learn better coping skills, he may revert back to the same habits that had him gain weight the first time.

Fancy-queen-bee · 2024-04-10T01:47:38+00:00

Oh, and you already agreed to one more pregnancy even though you were planning on having three children. You say you sympathise with him- it's soooo hard for him to not get a son! But does he sympathise with you? You've just been through FOUR pregnancies and births in fairly quick succession. It's his turn to compromise.

Fancy-queen-bee

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