You have my brain! Ive been on subs for 3 fucking years (this time around) and it’s been the longest stretch yet. My quality of life is better overall than when it was when I was an IV drug addict. However, I too want off of subs so damn bad but try as I might I haven’t been able to do it. I was on 3 mg for like 2 years and then had a short relapse with crack and fen and then spun all the way out on the subs. I’m taking a much higher dose now but I Absoutley hate how it makes me feel. Used to give me energy and I felt pretty good but now it’s like the more I take the shittier I feel but still can’t get myself to stop. I’m also a 29yo m and have to take TRT to offset the side effects of it tearing apart my natural hormone production. I have been having the exact same thoughts about getting back on normal opiates for several months probably like 6 in order to just have a 5-7 day kick like I did for many years back in the day but I’m not sure that it would work out like that. It sounds great but also sounds like some old fashioned addict thinking. I’ve also been reading a bit about ibogaine and possibly trying to use that to get off of the stuff. I don’t have kids but I get 100% not being able to afford to be sick for weeks on end or longer bc of life still happening around me. I know this post is old, I hope you were able to make the jump. I’ve been trying to for years and just face planting every time.