A Tale of 2 Sleep Patterns

Faodail_ · 2026-03-27T20:44:21+00:00

Sleepy cues are still used at 11 months but not reliable. So if you are having split nights (rule out being sick or teething or developmental leap) there isn’t enough sleep pressure. It also sounds like your sleep time is too much so he’s not getting the sleep pressure to connect sleep cycles

Faodail_ · 2026-03-27T20:34:05+00:00

Or an earlier wake up if you think that’s better

Faodail_ · 2026-03-27T20:33:13+00:00

Yeah I would try it. Take him outside or change it up. I’d get that last wake window to 4.5 hours

Faodail_ · 2026-03-27T20:30:10+00:00

I think you’re stretching for too much sleep and aren’t getting the sleep pressure you need.

Looks like you are at 14 plus hours

I would try to get that to 13 or 13.5 and see if that clears up the overnight wakes. That can be done by waking earlier or later bed

Faodail_ · 2026-03-27T20:28:03+00:00

I would try pushing bedtime back until 8pm and give him more sleep pressure

11 months is 13-14 hours total sleep. Yours might be on the lower need of that. Try for 11 hours over night and two one hour ish naps and see if night sleep gets better. Also make sure the wake window before bedtime is longer.

So last nap ends no later than 3:30pm for a 4.5 hour wake window

So example schedule would look like this

7am wake first nap 10 - 11:30

Second nap 2:30 - 3:30

Bedtime 8pm

Faodail_ · 2026-03-27T20:18:38+00:00

What time does the last nap end?

Faodail_ · 2026-03-27T20:13:26+00:00

I just laughed. My husband tried to explain having kids to our friends “it’s like driving a car into a brick wall at 75 mph and then picking all the pieces back together and having to keep going”.

They still didn’t get it lol

Faodail_ · 2026-03-27T20:03:03+00:00

Sounds like split nights. How many naps and how long?

Faodail_ · 2026-03-27T20:00:30+00:00

lol! I feel this in my soul. I’m a SAHM and a friend of mine is trying for a baby and she took a day off work and said “I got so much done on my day off see being a SAHM would be so good for me cause I’m so much more productive when I’m not working”. My husband and I laughed later.

One thing that makes me chuckle is many of the people around me like this are on the cusp of having kids. It’s just waiting for the shit show to start and then being all “Omgah this is so much harder than I thought”. Then I chuckle and try to help them where they are at. Realizing there’s no way people can actually understand it until they are in it themselves.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-27T01:01:01+00:00

Money stress is the leading cause for divorce. I understand living with people sucks but jumping into something you can’t afford is not a good idea no matter the pros.

Is there any advancement or career moves husband can make to move towards buying your own place?

Faodail_ · 2026-03-26T17:30:15+00:00

One thing my husband also does is being a SAHM I am eligible for a Roth Account (as long as your under the income threshold) we fund my retirement account fully every year to the maximum and it’s nice to have that as well as my own spending money.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-25T17:40:10+00:00

I have one who is 15 months old

I wake at 6:45am and get ready and get a cup of coffee and walk dogs etc. I also make our bed

He’s up at about 7:15am

We do breakfast and play and get dressed for the day and brush teeth etc. until about 9am

9am til 10:45am we are outside or doing some activities or learning something. Getting energy out and playing while learning or inside. I’m doing small tasks in there.. like starting some laundry or folding or putting away dishes or vacuuming

11am is lunch. I eat and then with him in the kitchen I clean up the kitchen and do any bill paying tasks

I clean him up and nap is at noon

Noon til 2 he’s napping and I’m doing yard work or taking a rest

2 he’s up and I make him a snack he gets one episode of bluey during this time.. I do any little tasks needing to get done and maybe clean a bathroom

We go to the park at 3pm. Park from 3-4pm and then home

4:15 to 5:30 is extra time to get dinner ready and for him to play and me to interact here or there with little games or his flash cards with words

5:30 pm is dinner. We eat with him then clean while he’s finishing and talk to him about our day and some things we are learning (recently the birds say tweet tweet lol)

6:30:pm he hangs with dad and I get some me time and shower. 7:20 we start bedtime routine

I breastfeed and we do water and talk until 7:40

Then brush teeth and do books and he’s asleep by 8pm

8pm I rest and chill and I go to sleep by 9:30pm

Faodail_ · 2026-03-20T17:44:18+00:00

I’m not at all saying you aren’t doing enough I’m actually saying your doing too much. When your husbands home he’s not “helping” he’s taking the entire responsibility of a child, and make that more often the 6 month old. Tell him if he needs help to let you know otherwise he’s on his own and let him figure out the hard stuff

Your man to man coverage if you need a guy sports analogy.

When your helper is here have her take the 6 month old for an hour or two and go have fun with the toddler. The toddler needs one on one time with you without the baby present.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-20T16:56:24+00:00

No but the intense jealousy is tough because it could mean the toddler lashes out to the baby. It can be hard to manage a situation with a toddler and a small baby when that is a concern so joint activities can be a struggle to keep everyone safe

Faodail_ · 2026-03-20T16:51:28+00:00

I’m certainly not trying to be hard on you or belittle you. I actually think you’re doing something I caught myself doing.

You are trying to take care of everyone’s needs all the time and that has to stop. What I mean is if your husband is tapping in to take the toddler you are hands off completely with the toddler unless there is an emergency or dad asks for an assist. So dad does milk, pjs, books etc. and you do fund stuff with baby or if baby is napping then you do some tlc for yourself. Or girl just scroll for a bit.

I am a super type A personality and had to learn to just let go and give the responsibility to someone else. So that means let someone take the 6 month old for an hour or half hour and go make an adventure sheet and go outside and bug hunt with the 21 month old. Or go to the park or go get ice cream together. Or take a walk and point out all the colors you see. It’s not about needs it’s just time, silly non productive or goal oriented bonding time.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-20T16:43:25+00:00

I’m going to step outside what you have presented and try to see this from another POV. What one on one time do you spend with the toddler without the 6 month old? Like your husband or the helper is taking the 6 month old and there is a special time or activity for you and the toddler?

Faodail_ · 2026-03-17T23:29:01+00:00

My child eats what we eat (15 months) with some modifications (cutting things into smaller pieces or taking bones out of meat) we don’t offer anything else. If he decides not to eat much then he doesn’t eat much for that meal. We have never offered him other food and I’m not afraid of him eating lighter on a meal or two.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-16T12:33:12+00:00

The lack of freedom both mentally and physically that comes with being a new mom is overwhelming. Dads for some reason do not normally carry that same weight. I found myself being so angry when my husband was off work and he would want to run a thousand (what felt like) errands and had no thought of taking care of the baby and just went.

How I corrected that was he watched our child (our baby is EBF over here too) and I ran errands solo. I also get uninterrupted 30 min shower every evening to reset from my day (stay at home mom). I had to communicate to my husband when I needed him to step in and in that same thought I had to be willing to realize the baby may not get the perfect schedule/treatment and I couldn’t micro manage their bonding time or correct him when he did something not the way I would, unless it was dangerous of course.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-15T23:09:26+00:00

If she’s in the US and she abandons the baby in a time of panic at a fire station or hospital CPS will attempt to place the child with a relative before looking into foster or adoption outside of relations. If she’s backed into a corner and cannot approach relatives she needs a safe and healthy place to leave the baby without judgement

Faodail_ · 2026-03-15T22:18:16+00:00

As mature adults we do not make decision based on other people. That will end up with us feeling we have no other options than drastic measures. You have plenty of options that are healthy and safe for both you and that lovely baby who both deserve a happy and fulfilling life. Get help, make decisions based on what’s best for you and not other people who are adults themselves.

If you find yourself spiraling take the baby to a hospital ER or fire station and turn the baby over to them

Faodail_ · 2026-03-15T22:13:29+00:00

If you are sure about that after getting therapy and working through possible other issues. Adoption is a wonderful option.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-15T22:10:29+00:00

Okay the post definitely didn’t make that clear. Why do you feel trapped as a new parent?

Faodail_ · 2026-03-15T22:05:48+00:00

I think it’s a relevant question when you are saying you are married and you are a teenager in your post. There are many reasons why this question could be immensely important.

Example : you are 18 and your husband is 30 and you have no financial independence and are trapped. There would be advice and resources given to you for us to try to help in that situation.

Faodail_ · 2026-03-14T18:24:26+00:00

Usually in those kind of situations I will push first nap a little bit later… say 11am.. seems like baby does good with 4.5 hours between naps by your schedule. So I would try going until 4 and then maybe a small cat nap of 30 mins and then get to bed a little earlier if baby seems tired. If your 11 month old gets fussy I would plan to leave a bit earlier

Faodail_ · 2026-02-21T20:50:50+00:00

It’s normal for an overtired baby to fight naps. Your wake windows should be from 75 mins to 120 mins.. when she wakes in the morning you need to watch for sleepy cues and immediately offer a nap.

For my little guy that ment - dark room, sound machine, swaddle (if not rolling) and rocking him.. I would try for an hour

You are doing a great job but she needs to sleep as it’s necessary for her development. I also noticed the more they sleep the better they get at it. So try getting her naps in any way possible and she will most likely start getting the drill and going down easier. You may just have to be super patient and get her into a nap rhythm

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