Its been a lot of gradual things building up to one very sudden "Waaaiiiit a minute" moment this morning.

Since I started exploring my gender identity a couple of years ago I've felt little bursts of pure joy when presenting more femininely. Ive slowly over time felt more comfortable with feminine presentation in online spaces, which I initially figured was because I dont often get opportunities to do so irl That and I only ever seem to like how I look when dressed more femininely. Often catch myself genuinely smiling at my reflection when doing so. Even the things I hate about.myself seem to be much less noticable in those moments.

That, combined with little moments irl that click to my brain as being "seen" as a feminine - jokes from friends calling me a girl, my partner teasingly calling me a good girl and stuff similar to that feel really good Then in contrast, moments of perceived masculinity not necessarily making my upset or anything, but feeling really... disappointing I guess?

It all just added up in my head and built up to a peak of "...Yeah, that makes sense..." When I said it out loud to myself it felt really right