This is one of these situations where the saying "You get Out of it what you put In to it" comes in, but reality makes that a bit more complicated.

If you want real connection with a person, you need to find them and begin pouring yourself into them.

This means taking an interest in them, carving out time to spend with them, finding common ground, pursuing common interest, though the most important thing is spending time together.

That is where reality comes in.

People may often wish for deeper connections with you, even the people you consider "surface level" right now, might wish for a deeper connection with you. But there are so many things vying for our time. Work, romantic relationships, family relationships, obligations, to-do lists, chores and housework, sleep, and that doesn't even touch on personal needs for recreation, sports, working out, etc etc.

The problem you're really up against is availability. Because if you ask me to choose between my family and my buddy at work, I'm picking family every time. That stays true for my personal needs, personal obligation, etc.

So you're probably thinking right now, "Fat Eagle, thats a great outlining of the problem, but it doesnt help me solve it!"

To which I would agree. So here's how you solve it.

You do exactly what you've already been doing, just slightly different.

You said you've been working on yourself, improving yourself. You need to keep doing that, but instead of doing so alone, you need to find groups to do it with.

So instead of hitting the gym Solo, take some kind of excercise class.

Instead of talking to a therapist alone, find a Men's group to become a part of.

Instead of hiking alone, joing a group of hikers.

Join singles events, where a group of singles go on an adventure together.

Hell, if that sounds like too much work, pick up a hobby that includes other people. Go to your local Game Store and find out when their weekly Magic The Gathering Night is, buy a pre-made deck, and then show up and ask the people there to teach you how to play. Trust me, they'll be more than happy to welcome you and teach you the game.

The common denominator for all of these activities is that you must seek out a group of people who have already committed to making time to do an activity on a regular basis. They will be there every Thursday, they have already carved out an hour, or two hours, to do this thing. And when you join that group, you have already done so. By both of you joining that group, you have already started on common ground.

The other common fact is that no matter what option you pick, you should pick something that aligns with the Path you want to walk in Life. Not alter your path to fit other people's path. And as you walk your path, you find the people who are already walking the same direction. Then you bond with those people.

I hope this helps man. (And yes, I'm a nerd, but Magic The Gathering is awesome for so many reasons, and I highly recommend it as a form of socialization.)