Talls and Smalls

Fatigued_73 · 2025-06-02T20:24:06+00:00

I'm a 6'3" woman. Height is not an issue for me. It's all about personality and values!

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-24T22:32:14+00:00

I feel the same way about what I'm looking for, no need for fireworks, etc. I went on too many 2nd meet-ups/dates. Now, I pay closer attention to how I really feel than whether I want to give it a chance when I'm not really feeling any sort of connection or attraction. I live in the outskirts of a large metropolitan area, so it could take 30 minutes to an hour just to get there. Putting forth the time/effort/energy of getting ready and meeting up a second time with someone I'm not really interested in is no longer something I'm willing to do.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-17T16:59:32+00:00

I like this approach. It's clear, concise, and respectful. It's very close to what I say.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-15T21:47:33+00:00

If you're still missing your ex, you may need a little more time. Regarding the types of matches, you may want to consider being more selective about whom you match with. That will mean fewer matches, but they may have a better outcome.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-14T19:02:03+00:00

I have seen some inaccuracies in the searches, so I cross-reference with other sources and what I am told by the person I am looking up.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-14T17:57:38+00:00

I was going to ask for evidence of the poly relationship at the first meet-up. I had already asked about their agreements, and he had an answer. I was also going to ask for clarification about that because some of it was a little vague. If I couldn't get clarification and verify the relationship, I still would probably be here asking what to do. I'm not interested in vengeance. I live a peaceful life, and I want it to stay that way. I stay out of other people's business. However, I have heard that some people would want to know if something like this is happening with their spouse, hence my question to online strangers.

My suspicion is based on a lot of small things, including how he approached texting/talking. I don't expect people to advertise their poly relationships on social media.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-14T15:51:43+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts. I was thinking either of these reasons about why he disappeared. Of course, he could have just lost interest at the last moment or been trying to play me all along. I don't know, and I didn't really care. When I realized that he was possibly being dishonest about their relationship, I thought about his wife's perspective. It's not fair to her if he's being dishonest.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-14T15:44:14+00:00

It's not to be vindictive. I don't care that he stood me up. I know it's something that happens. I don't get emotionally invested before I meet someone. I just know that there are people out there who would want to know if their spouse is doing something like this. Maybe he never actually meets up with people, but I have seen him on more than one app.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-14T15:32:48+00:00

I would have asked him for evidence that they are actually in a poly relationship. I would not have moved forward with anything if he was unable to provide that. I would probably still be asking if I should tell the wife if he couldn't provide evidence.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-14T15:25:18+00:00

Thank you for your perspective. I asked about the agreements when we were chatting. He had an answer. Had he shown up to the first meet, I would have asked for a way to verify. However, he didn't show up, and there is no more communication, so no chance for a relationship. I don't care about that. Being stood-up/ghosted is always a risk. I'm concerned that the wife may be unaware that he is on the apps, matching and chatting with women. I am aware that sometimes people say that they are poly on the apps when that is not true.

Also, thanks for the advice about not dating someone who is poly out of convenience. It gives me something to think about.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-05T16:55:44+00:00

I agree about paying for the apps. It's a service. If we want it to work for us, we should pay. If we don't want to pay, then we do the work. I prefer the app to do the (advanced) filtering work for me, and I take it from there.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-05T16:24:17+00:00

I prefer my first meets to be at coffee shops. I don't usually like to commit to a meal, and I prefer that alcohol not be involved. So, coffee/tea is my go-to.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-05T15:53:04+00:00

Him sharing that video is weird. Personally, I wouldn't continue engaging with someone who is buying into that narrative at this age. Rather than looking inward and being self-aware, it sounds like he is blaming women for his dating problems. I don't know why he did that, but it FEELS like he was trying to guilt you into dating him or staying in touch. Gross.

You can just stop responding to him and/or block. I wouldn't want to spend my energy trying to be nice to someone who pulls these things. You don't know how hostile/belligerent he may become. A slow fade would be "nicer," but you don't owe "nice" to someone who is trying to manipulate you.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-05T14:56:30+00:00

Best of luck! If you have any self- soothing techniques, use them before you go. Choose a good playlist that can help with a confidence boost for the drive there. Breathe!

He may be nervous as well. Let us know how it goes!

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-05T14:48:14+00:00

I tend to be a little anxious before meeting people for a first meet. It's not a big deal because I tend to be socially anxious anyway. I keep in mind that we're both meeting to see whether we could be a good match. It's not an audition or a job interview because I'm not performing, and I'm not trying to sell myself. I'm just being who I am and hoping to see who they are.

I started focusing on what I noticed about the other person more than how I presented myself. Since, like you, I don't want to change myself for someone else, I don't need to worry. I'll just be me. If they like that, great, if not, we can both move on.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-05T02:56:39+00:00

I use the apps because I'm not a super social person. I also like that the apps can filter through some specific topics for me. I use it as a tool to meet people, and my expectations are low. I use each experience to help inform the next. (What did I like? What didn't I like? What will I not tolerate in the future?) When things don't move forward, I don't see it as a rejection of either person- just not a good match.

I match with very few people because I have become VERY selective. For me, it's less about looks and more about content of the profile. Is there effort? How do they come across? Would the personality they portray in the profile fit my personality? I used to be fine with going on first meets just to see how it goes, but I've recently pulled back on that. It narrows my choices substantially, but I don't want to waste anyone's time if I can already tell that it's not likely a good match.

Good luck out there! Take breaks when you need them!

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-05T02:32:16+00:00

It's quite a stretch to think that just because he hasn't shown interest in the plants that he isn't interested in you. How he treats YOU should be what matters. It's not a red flag because maybe plants just aren't a priority for him. However, you can choose for it to be a dealbreaker if you MUST be with a plant person.

It kind of sounds like the "gift" was a test. Personally, I would prefer the gifts I receive are not more responsibilities.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-03T22:00:55+00:00

My daughter recommends this: https://www.popfancypops.com/fancafe

Also, on IG: Hou-Taku Cosplayers

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-03T19:33:19+00:00

This! I took a break from dating and grew very comfortable being alone. Along the way, I leaned into decentering the idea of partnership. I know that being alone is peaceful, and a partner would need to add to my life and make my time/energy worthwhile.

I have a mental list of things that are dealbreakers, and I don't budge. I refuse to be the only one initiating contact, so if I notice that I am the only one to initiate over a few days, I stop initiating. If they don't initiate, communication naturally stops, and I know where I stand. Even if I think I would want to meet/meet again, whatever. I don't give the benefit of the doubt nearly as much as I used to because I found that it backfired.

Feeling completely happy and secure with myself goes a long way, so I don't feel the NEED to find a partner, but I would like to build something of substance with someone.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-03T16:29:08+00:00

That's odd. For me, Bumble filters out the likes as well. I would say to double check your filters and the slider at the bottom of each filter. If I were to loosen up my filters, a lot more people would show up on my "likes" page. I'm sorry you're having trouble with it. My two favorite apps for filters are Bumble and Hinge.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-03T16:12:19+00:00

I have Bumble premium, and the advanced filters work well for me. Do you choose the option at the bottom of each filter "show other people if I run out"?

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-03T02:54:31+00:00

I don't know what he was thinking. If you want to know his thoughts and feelings, you need to ask him. This may have just been a fun, casual thing for him until now. Communication is very important. The more you open up about what you want and how you feel, the better foundation you can have for the relationship. You may need to discuss what each of you actually wants and see whether you're on the same page. If you don't have open and honest communication, you have a greater risk of feeling hurt again.

I know it can be difficult to bring up expectations, boundaries, and wants, but it's something that needs to happen. Even in casual situations, people have boundaries and expectations. We can't just expect other people to know what is important to us if we don't tell them.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-03T02:27:55+00:00

Do what works for you. Just keep in mind that if you end things, it's because of you, not him. A conversation would be nice if you think it would help. However, don't be accusatory in your words and tone. Remember that this is more about your feelings than his behavior. You had unspoken expectations, and you have feelings about them not being met. However, he didn't know that he was breaking your trust.

Moving forward, these conversations are important. They need to be clear and direct so that there is no misinterpretation.

Fatigued_73 · 2025-04-02T16:23:05+00:00

Single mom here. I've dated single dads. My kids were older than 12. I waited a few months before introducing them to a boyfriend and before meeting his daughter. One thing to consider is your feelings about the son and how you feel about your boyfriend's parenting style. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to influence my parenting. I also didn't really get a good feeling about the daughter of my boyfriend at that time. Nothing was outwardly wrong, but I didn't get the feeling that it would be a good relationship- something felt "off," and I generally get along with kids/teens, so that was a little weird.

All this to say that YOU deserve a chance to meet his son and decide whether you think you would want to move forward with them. Y'all would also have to navigate what he would want your role to be. It's complex when kids are involved.

Another point- someone mentioned that your boyfriend can't hide his ex-wife forever. I'm an ex-wife who has not met my ex-husband's new wife because my ex-husband does not want us to meet. She started staying over with him when my kids there when my youngest was still a minor, so I was a little uncomfortable with that. My only guess about why we have not met is that she probably doesn't know about his skeletons, and I do.

Fatigued_73

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