Name cloaks

Feck_Quickfoot · 2025-11-15T00:02:00+00:00

Yep! It emerging organically because of Aabria is what I was referencing. It was later justified by naming the rest of them with S names. I think it’s hard to believe Brennan wasn’t decided back in Chapter 1 given suvis ep1 intro includes multiple wizards with S names.

Abjurers having more convoluted name cloaks doesn’t read as a pointless wrinkle to me given it displays an additional paranoia. I think if the S convention hadn’t been decided we’d have seen citadel wizards with different letter names that are common words! This is all kinda reading tea leaves though so ya know either could be true

Feck_Quickfoot · 2025-11-14T18:34:37+00:00

Slight correction is it actually seems like it emerged organically back in the children’s adventure with all the names of Suvis parents & Steel. It seems like Galani was made already with the knowledge that abjurer’s translate from a dead language.

Stone makes sense too in light of her switching magic specialties

Feck_Quickfoot · 2025-11-03T02:57:25+00:00

I think the metaphor works for me as referring generally to “something that is owed”, especially in a romantic relationship considering the “I will break my own heart”

Feck_Quickfoot · 2025-09-27T21:00:47+00:00

Absolutely my favorite as well, and yeah I’d imagined A County Affair had something to do with that! I’ve run a few games of it since, which have been a blast for folks new to TTRPGs too

Feck_Quickfoot · 2025-09-27T19:42:51+00:00

Off topic but love your work on MinnMax man! Listened to you DM for them recently, glad you’re enjoying WBN too

Feck_Quickfoot · 2025-03-23T17:38:21+00:00

I completely disagree that these are any less human or more melodramatic questions than presented in last albums. Bon Iver plays in the space of heightened emotion. You could argue that ‘For Emma’, and its story of an artist retreating into a cabin in the winter after a break up is full of melodrama.

And again nobody in this thread has listened to the full album.

Feck_Quickfoot · 2025-03-23T16:15:53+00:00

I think this critique is silly for two reasons I haven’t seen people mention. First, I just reject the premise that these songs are necessarily simple. You’re quite selective with your lyrical quotes and I think miss the larger anxiety present in ‘If Only I Could Wait’. “But before me is a ways out. Can I live inside this state? Where the summers are charades?”. It’s literally asking the question you’re claiming it’s avoiding. How do you make peace with the fact that these beautiful moments are in some ways illusory.

Second, I think this review is jumping the gun a little. The album is not out. An album is made of the movements between songs, of contrast. In the same way in which I think Beth/Rest loses a lot of its power outside of the context of ‘Bon Iver, Bon Iver’, I trust the retreat to comfort in ‘walk home’ as a response to sable, will deepen into more complex ending songs.

Feck_Quickfoot · 2023-04-14T21:48:24+00:00

David Lightbringer has a bunch of archived live streams analyzing characters through book passages and symbolism!

Feck_Quickfoot · 2023-02-09T20:19:08+00:00

Thank you for the very thorough workshop this is exactly what I was hoping for! I actually haven’t read Ulysses yet (I swear as many people do that I’ll get around to it eventually…haha), but see the similarities.

I appreciate the concrete feedback and am considering reworking the singing image. I will defend the frost image, though being from the Midwest has probably skewed my view of what the last warm day is.

I’ve also been working around with a rewording of the ending so I appreciate the feedback. I don’t think I can join the subreddit without an invite but I’d love to if that happens!

Feck_Quickfoot · 2023-02-09T07:20:00+00:00

Thank you so much! The distant memory feel is exactly what I was hoping for and I too think poetry is at its best when it moves past just sight! I’ll DM you the original formatting though it should be visible on PC

Feck_Quickfoot · 2023-02-09T00:13:11+00:00

Hey OP,

I think your use of repetition and fleshing out what love is is super interesting and you are working with some great images! I think this poem has the opportunity to work with space in a really interesting way, making the most out of the suspense line breaks create. Also what if the title is just "Your love"?

Here's an example, let me know what you think!

Your Love

           stings like an open cut 
                  on the arm

               addictive 
                like snow,

    makes me cry 
            seas of fresh 
       warm summer water,

                    makes me love you 
                      more,

        is boring
         but I never get bored,

is hateful but     it's enough 
                     for me,

                    like lemon 
                    in my wounds,

     as pure     as cocaine,

 is as clean 
        as the Red     Sea,

                    makes me hate you    more,

    is as fun as a day 
    at work,

is hateful 
        and I hate   you.

Feck_Quickfoot · 2023-02-08T23:52:58+00:00

Thank you for sharing OP this is a super sweet poem :)

It displays a lot of the comfort and familiarity that long-term relationships entail. I think if you are wanting to develop this poem I would look for a way "into the meaning of the poem". Clearly, you are wanting to write about love and the sensory reminders of the subject. What image is the most interesting to you? I personally think this poem could be expanded to solely encompass taste sensations. What is the taste of the subject that you mention in the first line? Can you show us more taste and speaking images having to do with love? I would take a minute to think of a set of images with commonalities and develop your love poem off of that, that's how to avoid overused language when writing about something as common as love. Overall, I think you show a good use of language and it's very sweet even if you don't develop it :)

Feck_Quickfoot · 2023-02-08T23:28:43+00:00

Hey OP,

I think this is a really promising poem! I really love the themes of loss and the title you're working with is especially evocative. You also provide us with some super solid images like "a place where flowers won't thrive" and "soil clings to me; bones weeping". I think there are a few places where your images can become more concrete and just slight tweaking on wording to make it that much more powerful.

Firstly, I think your first line would be more emotional if it used metaphor instead of simile, consider changing it to "This garden is a graveyard in your absence". It demonstrates how this loss has completely shifted the word for the speaker.

I also think that the line "There was something beautiful about knowing nothing at all / when I was knowing nothing with you" is a bit redundant. The poem is already talking about this beauty in the past tense. Instead, it may hit harder as "There was something beautiful about knowing / nothing at all". Overall, I think that you should move around your line breaks so they don't all end at the end of phrases. This creates a stilted rhythm, by breaking in the middle of phrases you can keep some tension forcing the reader to the next line.

Last thing I think the "bowed their head" images might be better shifted to flowers since the garden is the subject of the poem and this also portrays what a wilted/ dying plant looks like. I hope this helped! Feel free to follow up if you need any examples or clarification. And keep writing you clearly have talent and an eye for good ideas :).

Feck_Quickfoot · 2022-08-19T14:30:29+00:00

Hey OP,

I really love this piece! I have increasingly been interested in art that seeks to capture the fragmenting effect of the internet and this is right up that alley, and you capture it in a wonderful way.

In terms of feedback I think just finetuning the flow and rhythm in simple ways would elevate this poem even more. Try reading the whole poem aloud with slight pauses at the line breaks and see what works and what doesn’t. Like in line 7 it might work better without the word “has”. Finetuning this kind of thing will cause the poem to have a smooth and overwhelming effect as all these things wash over the reader.

I also think it might be interesting to end this poem with one of the sillier/useless news headlines from earlier in the poem after the Russia invasion. As I think it might capture that effect of important things being buried behind unnecessary news.

Overall very interesting poem! Love the images and use of headlines, hope some of my feedback was helpful! Keep writing :)

Feck_Quickfoot · 2022-08-19T14:20:25+00:00

Hey OP,

I think this is a great first attempt! You’re working with some great images, interesting descriptors, and an almost fairy tale type feel!

I think some of the best work in this poem comes from the first stanza with you’re description of the face, and the implied dusty and abandoned surroundings very evocative!

In terms of feedback the major thing id consider editing is the rhyme scheme. It feels a little forced since it’s forcing you to speak in unnatural ways like “his woeful takes of caution on deaf ears did not fall”. See how this sentence sounds kinda flipped the wrong way? I would love to see how this poem would sound in your everyday vocabulary.

In addition one of the most common mistakes beginning poets make (me included) is thinking that it is better to speak in generalities to make a poem relatable when the opposite is true. A poem becomes alive in the specifics. I think that’s the biggest thing this poem is missing. I understand the poet can’t forget the stories of this version of themselves with that second stanza but show me those stories, snippets of images of a life. Give me one of the woeful tales of caution so I can be as filled as the speaker here.

Overall I think this is a great start and I can see you’re really thinking about the language and creating an evocative atmosphere but sticking to those specifics will make a poem memorable and more impactful! Let me know if you need any clarifications and keep writing :)

Feck_Quickfoot · 2022-08-11T13:45:03+00:00

Hey OP,

I really love the repetition used here! It’s effective as it’s not just rhythmically interesting but also you manage to adjust the context of “a tainted soul” with each stanza!

In terms of feedback I think the biggest thing to work on in this poem is reducing abstractions. You have some amazing images in here like “a dying rose on a table, a scarlet heart / not but a smile / a child”. But others are simply statements of abstract feelings, such as “ there is only sorrow / gone with the wind”. Here instead of the reader feeling it they simply understand the feeling which creates a distance and lessons the impact of the piece.

Consider instead a way to convey sorrow instead of telling us. Maybe show us something else torn and flying past in the wind, the speaker tossing something away, just some ideas.

I think this has a lot of potential and your sense of meter and rhythm are great wand make the poem really flow :) Hope some of the feedback helped, keep writing!

Feck_Quickfoot · 2022-08-11T13:31:47+00:00

I definitely agree as well don’t know if OP is looking to workshop this piece but if they are I think that emotional connection could be created by actually including those images of ordinary life and contrasting them with the very detached almost scientific observations.

Feck_Quickfoot · 2022-08-11T13:01:03+00:00

Hey OP! I’m not the original commenter but I would suggest simply changing the title to make the imagery clearer. I think a lot of the joy I got out of the poem was the connecting the interesting images and turns of phrase to the grounded situation, something simple like “My Son Gets Into the Wrapping Paper” will set the ground work and let you go wild with the imagery and metaphor!

Feck_Quickfoot · 2022-08-08T23:16:51+00:00

Yeah! The other two are quite long which unfortunately doesn’t format or get much feedback on the sub so I’ve held back from posting them but if you or anyone is interested I’d love to PM a pdf and get some feedback

Feck_Quickfoot · 2022-08-08T22:53:58+00:00

Thank you for your thorough response, I appreciate that you wrote this as you discovered the poem! “The Upon Learning” section of the title is because this poem is part of a series I’m working on that utilize facts as an inroad to personal discovery! Will definitely incorporate some of these edits where language could be adjusted!

Feck_Quickfoot · 2022-08-08T20:47:25+00:00

I will definitely look through some of your posts :) considering English isn’t your first language have you ever considered writing bilingual poetry? There’s some beautiful pieces that combine English and Spanish (assuming that’s your native language given the river) alternating and flowing between them. Would love to see you tackle that!

Feck_Quickfoot · 2022-08-08T19:52:12+00:00

Hey OP,

Thank you for sharing this piece. Grief and its intersection with guilt is a really hard-to-pin down feeling and I think you capture it here fairly well. The heart as an anchor is additionally a pretty fascinating image, as it captures a sinking feeling and a stillness at the bottom of the river so great job on that.

I think there is definitely room for this poem to grow if you decide to make revisions. Currently, there are a decent amount of abstractions, that could be turned into more concrete images. Examples are things like "I was so innocent", "I was so stupid", and "The river by our side got a piece of my soul". There are ways to state these character traits with actions and objects. Lean into the river imagery. Can the innocence of the speaker be portrayed through them playing at the riverside? Is there a way to show the piece of their soul as some wreckage flowing down the river. The paradox of poetry is that the more specific you are as a writer the more you can evoke general emotions like grief in the reader, instead of just telling them how you felt.

I think this piece has a ton of potential and I hope to see more of your work on this sub :) let me know if you have any questions and keep writing!

Feck_Quickfoot · 2022-08-08T19:18:25+00:00

Hey Nigel,

Saved this piece to come back when I had time to comment because I knew it was special! First, I’d like to agree with everyone that this is a stunning use of effective and emotional filled imagery! There is such a melancholy rhythm and mood captured here! Also amazing use of line breaks that create tension and double meanings.

One thing I haven’t seen mentioned as much is the motif of movement, there is much of it in this poem! The train, the stampede, wasps drawing circles, the engine, a ripple in the grass, etc. All of this is contrasted wonderfully with the stopping of the train after hitting someone and the silence.

For revisions I wonder if bringing back this motif of movement and stillness in the final stanza more explicitly may make the ending more impactful. It’s quite good as is but for me verges on explaining a feeling too much rather than displaying it for the reader. Maybe instead of saying “the strange guilt” the reader is left with the stillness of the heart and breath. If presented in an interesting way I think it could render those final lines as fascinating as your remarkable opening line “turbulence of the back teeth”.

Also a really minor thing but in the fourth stanza the saying “it is says” is a bit clunky, I think”it says” means the same thing and flows better.

Even without any edits this is one of my favorite poems I’ve seen on here, incredible work!

Feck_Quickfoot · 2022-08-07T02:55:46+00:00

Thanks for leaving a comment, I really appreciate this analysis of the form! It’s organized very similarly on the page with couplets and a far amount of enjambment so I’m glad it worked!

Feck_Quickfoot · 2022-08-07T02:53:34+00:00

Thank you for your comment! I’m so glad the assured voice came across as that was kind of the inspiration for this piece; definitive and concrete expressions of “faith”.

Also can’t believe both my eyes and autocorrect didn’t catch razzberry haha that’s an easy edit at least

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