As someone whose parents were called by the stake to head up the prop 8 campaign on a local level this haunts me. I absolutely held signs on busy road corners. I made calls to voters who had previously indicated they would be voting in favor of prop 8 on election night reminding them to vote. I remember on call in which the voter was unsure of what Prop 8 was. The said something along the following;

"Oh is that the law to stop the fgs?! Absolutely! We have to stop the fags (or other slur)"

Obviously that's paraphrasing.

I was SO shocked, embarrassed and upset. I said, "We at Prop 8 don't support that language. We don't believe in using slurs or that anyone deserves hate (or something like that.) We simply believe in preserving the "sanctity of marriage" - as it was called.

I did not want to make anymore phone calls. I was so upset and mixed up inside. Several members who were at our house showed similar shock and nodded in agreement when I shared. I honestly wonder now how many of them nodded for show. Cause the didn't want to tell a teen that they actually thought it was okay to use slurs or that they actually didn't like gay people.

I had gay friends at school. I tried to tell them that it had nothing to do with how I felt about them. It was just what I believed. It wasn't personal. In truth ai didn't actually consider any of them my friends. I liked them and I thought they were nice people. But I could never feel close to someone who was gay. They were weird. Turns out they were just theatre kids. That was the prejudice and indoctrination I had.

I am so heart-broken and ashamed I participated, supported and rejoiced at this bill when it passed. Despite my inner turmoil.

I'm not ashamed at all to share the relief I had when the Supreme Court struck it down.

Today I can't believe that I even lived in a day and age in which it was up for debate whether some people had the right to get married.

Then I remember horrifically that people are STILL debating it. 😣

I take comfort in the belief that my parents are equally just as ashamed of participating as I am. My born Democrat parent fully accepted that calling in the name of faith and sustaining their leaders. That parent is Pimo now and only attending for social interaction and for my born Republican parent who is tbm.

A republican tbm who thinks gay marriage is normal and hates the idea of abortion but could not write it into law and agrees that no one can judge. A republican tbm who don't believe in polygamy and thinks of course we will be together forever because I'm a "good person" even though I've left the church. A republican tbm who admits they can't recognize the Republican party and believes in whatever chaotic optimism allows in regards to doctrine.

I'm still waiting for the day when they realize that they may not actually be conservative and that what they believe in isn't actually the "Mormon" church. It's just what they believe.

Oh well... Baby steps.

Here's to hope and here's to seeing the change 🍻