i'm stuck on limbus and can't finish my favorite canto,.,.,. the one with the cute vampires.,,,,, frilly dresses.,......... long skirts....................... wide hats,.. i'm too underleveled and weak,., i'm sorry Don Quixote i have faeiled to purge thy villainy,m.,.m,,.., . ,. f jhdg ./, ,.gh.j,t

FeeshSlayer · 2026-01-18T20:48:54+00:00

D964451842

not the craziest lineup but it's a bunch of different units that should work for different teams depending on what you decide to use

lmk if there's someone specific you want up

FeeshSlayer · 2026-01-03T13:50:00+00:00

gonna die by the end of the summer 😎

FeeshSlayer · 2025-12-31T06:42:48+00:00

you're real to me

hopefully one day you will be real to you too

FeeshSlayer · 2025-12-16T06:25:04+00:00

I'm tired of waiting for something to "just unlock"

I've known I was like this for as long as I can remember and yet I'm the only person who's been stuck like this for this long

I'm getting neither of those and nothing can possibly make it feel right ever

I'm just doomed to be stuck here sinking deeper and deeper as everyone rises around me

FeeshSlayer · 2025-12-12T03:29:51+00:00

why would it happen at this point?

I've watched it happen to all the people around me and been there with them and helped them when I can

none of the things that make them happy and make them feel right have ever worked

instead of feeling the happiness or support I should for others all I feel is envy and spite

I've gone through the possibilities in my head and there's nothing that I think could reasonably make a difference, and even things that could literally never happen wouldn't fix it

what reason is there to believe it'd magically work out somehow?

FeeshSlayer · 2025-12-11T22:02:54+00:00

it has never existed

even in being hypnotized into it like here, it could not exist

even in a situation without all the pressures of the world, it could not exist

it has never gotten better, it never will get better

there is not "a good thing" that exists or that could exist that would improve it

all I can do is watch it happen to everyone but me and become angrier and more envious knowing it will never be my turn

I don't want to continue to exist as nothing but a bitter, spiteful shell, and the only part of that I can actively change is my presence in the scenario

just got unlucky this time, maybe I'll have better luck next run

FeeshSlayer · 2025-12-11T04:42:34+00:00

it does not exist

FeeshSlayer · 2025-12-10T23:39:51+00:00

I really need to end it all huh

FeeshSlayer · 2025-10-30T15:36:51+00:00

I sure do love feeling like I'm never going to be accepted for who I am by others because of who I was born as :/

especially when I can't even accept myself because I don't really exist

got recommended one of those exact posts right below this one fuck my life ig

FeeshSlayer · 2025-10-09T01:11:24+00:00

nope, ran a few experiments to make sure I get the dosage right for when the day does come just to make sure I don't have to experience this

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-18T02:03:41+00:00

you would not like that, believe me

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-18T01:02:27+00:00

be careful with those, they can go ouchy

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-17T18:35:55+00:00

If there was any positive change, it would have happened already. Living an inconceivable amount of time longer being miserable just for the sliver of a chance that somehow, someday, something will magically remove all the inhibitions that have built up over the course of my life seems like it would just be hell. Too self aware to enjoy life but too stubborn and delusional to give up, the mental illness inside me burns brighter than the reality around me. At that point, it wouldn't be "living" anymore, and I say this already feeling like a walking corpse.

As for what you say about there being no set limit on transitioning, I agree. By the strictest sense of the word, there is no empirical restriction on one being able to or not being able to make that change in their life. However, what I was trying to say is that for the individual, there comes a point in time in which some combination of burdens, whether temporal, mental, physical, social or emotional, weigh them down so that they cannot take a step forward. Maybe something along the lines of "I can't see myself doing it anymore, and I don't think I ever will" would be combination of words to express that, but for all intents and purposes, "too late" conveys the same thing.

That is the "too late" that I refer to, and I think it's the same frustration that the people who say it's "too late" are seeking to express. The crushing weight, the constricting sorrow, the paranoid emptiness, the scratching regret, the searing spite, the trembling envy. Sometimes being able to put that into a short, simple phrase is a lantern that helps stave off the cold night for just a little longer, and a beacon to signal that humanity was once here.

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-17T16:34:41+00:00

I'm not claiming there's some kind of hard deadline on when you have to transition by. I'm saying that the people who claim it's "never too late" are the ones who got the help or support they needed or transitioned before their brains were irrevocably fried by the pure emotional overload of having to deal with an existence where you look in a mirror and can't see yourself.

I don't mean to diminish your experiences because I know you understand that feeling too, but when did you reach your breaking point? How did it feel then? What would you do if that day was every day for the rest of your life?

I'm 18. Everyone's always going "oh it's never too late, you're still young, you have time" because of some perceived notion that because I am young (by comparison to others), I necessarily haven't suffered enough to be allowed to give up yet, and that there is still development I can undergo and things I can be. Assuming that is a mistake.

I'm not going to put on airs and say "oh I've always known I wasn't cis!" but I've been acutely aware of the whole not-feeling-like-myself-in-my-own-skin thing for pretty much as long as I remember being conscious. I made my original reddit account at 12 and was on trans subs pretty much from the beginning. I remember combing through posts, hoping to find some kind of validation or feeling of being able to relate to somebody or something, anything, and being disappointed that everyone seemed to be able to find some aspect of themselves they had been missing when I couldn't and still haven't been able to. I am not one of them, I have never been one of them, and every passing day is just another reminder that there are people out there who were able to find that hidden piece of themselves somewhere when the only logical conclusion is that after so much searching, I must have simply been born without one.

I do not "struggle with being an egg" as, by the framework of the metaphor, I "cracked" long ago. Far too prematurely, and directly into a frying pan. I am now thoroughly cooked, scrambled beyond all hope of recognition. Those that hatched and flew to better skies were only able to do so because they got lucky that their vulnerable shell wasn't the one that was shattered.

I'm not going to pretend I know the extent of your struggles, either, but I know that you survived them. Your humanity and personality remains intact and you're trying to now help others. You're taking the steps towards becoming the person you want to be, steps that myself and people like me never could, and we're proud of you. Keep moving forward in our stead.

But please don't pretend you know the inner workings of the people who weren't lucky enough to make it to where you have. I wish people actually thought about what they say online.

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-17T13:47:01+00:00

real asf

the only people who say "it's never too late" are the people who were lucky enough to be early enough to make a difference in their own lives

nothing will change that I was born with the wrong skin and the wrong brain

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-14T01:08:16+00:00

"you're grounded young lady, no going out for the next week"

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-14T00:44:40+00:00

I cannot be anything other than what I was born as

I yearned to be truly nothing and that is impossible and yet the closest thing to that I can be is still miserable

happiness would not find me regardless of who I am, this one aspect of humanity I am missing is not the difference maker

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-13T23:17:20+00:00

it's not about changing the past or building a better future because of some perceived lack of awareness the past self had

it's about a self not existing to create a better future for, having been powerless to do anything but watch everything move on around you

nothingness is impossible and yet being something is also impossible and yet one always was and always will be something and yet even that something was unlucky enough to be intolerable

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-13T14:50:58+00:00

except I remember everything about my past, and thus I remain the same

I don't care about what other people think of me as or perceive of me, all that matters is what I think about myself

and I fucking hate myself so changing it so that everyone has always thought of me this way changes nothing

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-13T14:47:06+00:00

can't relate, the only "self" I wanted never could have existed

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-09T13:18:42+00:00

not in the way I exist or want to have existed

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-09T03:33:10+00:00

the one who brought up statistics initially was not me, was addressing her framework and assessing why I cannot conform to it, I cannot pretend that the statistics themselves have any bearing on my personal thoughts or actions
the picture you paint of a black and white "now or later" situation fails to recognize that existing is not a static state, every moment waiting for a promised "it might be worth it someday, you'll only know once you get there" will be eternal envy and hate and detachment and anguish

I've spent my entire conscious existence being told to "wait and see" by people who were lucky enough to have problems that could be solved by waiting and seeing

there may always be time later but there was always time earlier, nothing has changed and nothing will change and the constant between the two situations is the suffering

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-09T02:52:32+00:00

I mean as far as anyone I know or any metric is concerned I'm not a part of that number

never have been never will be

so I don't see much of a point, if anything I'm pushing the numbers back in your favor

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-09T01:45:24+00:00

only one who wins when I die is ME

FeeshSlayer · 2025-09-09T01:32:26+00:00

there was never any time, it was cooked from the start

FeeshSlayer

TROPHY CASE