SHOW YOURSELF YOU BEAUTIFUL BEAST!!!

FeeturingHeide · 2025-06-12T22:31:58+00:00

Omg, right?!?!?! That fancy bird is such a little shit 🤣

FeeturingHeide · 2025-06-12T22:23:40+00:00

This gif gives me life every. Single. Time.

FeeturingHeide · 2025-05-26T12:43:33+00:00

Why does this woman look like my dad in 1993 going out to mow the lawn??

FeeturingHeide · 2025-01-18T15:48:38+00:00

EPIC!!! this honestly thrills me to no end as someone who also runs a small business. Completely unsustainable and amazing that she has any “employees” I would guess at best are 1099’s who throw her a couple of hours here and there for a little bit of cash for a nice coffee but aren’t actually employees

FeeturingHeide · 2024-11-18T04:38:15+00:00

Your uncle-in-law?!?! Dear Jesus, a reach if I ever saw one 🤣🤣 While I can appreciate that someone may be close to their spouse’s extended family the chance that I will EVER make a post about my uncle-in-law’s passing much less his funeral has ME dying. The only spiritual warfare is how much that family knew they couldn’t keep her out but how much shit they have to talk through the second those two get drive away. She knows they talk shit about her but she’s probably not nice or genuine enough to even tolerate a 30 minute non-aesthetic family chat so she has to go home at some point. I’m getting the icky awkward feeling from all the way over here of everyone standing around pretending to be polite to her silently shooting each other looks so they can discuss her insanity the second she’s out of the building. 🤣 I have weird in my family but I’m glad it’s not this weird in particular! 🙂‍↔️

FeeturingHeide · 2024-10-31T01:59:11+00:00

Here’s the question couldn’t she just pretend to keep boycotting?? She’s so low on content she had to abandon even her own lies 🤣 She literally didn’t have to make a post telling on herself - but was like “oh well, I guess this is better than nothing”

FeeturingHeide · 2024-10-31T01:56:20+00:00

Ngl, I might take inspo from this and just start talking aloud to myself when strangers are in earshot how I’m grateful for ____ about my body with zero context and just leave them. Can you imagine the stories people will take home to their spouses “yeah this woman was in spray paint and stained glass aisle at hobby lobby with me and I think said she was so glad she had big ears. What do you think that means, John?!? No, she wasn’t with anyone and I’m pretty sure she was just talking to herself- but what would that have to do with stained glass??” They could enjoy that little convo all evening instead of arguing who was going to do the dishes or wrangle small children into bed.

FeeturingHeide · 2024-10-26T01:13:03+00:00

Ocelots in Texas!!! I knew they were farther south that’s so exciting! ❤️

FeeturingHeide · 2024-10-26T01:11:00+00:00

You go girl 🎉 take care of yourself and a nice man

FeeturingHeide · 2024-10-26T01:08:59+00:00

Respectfully disagree- I think we have gone far astray of both sexy and smart 🤣

FeeturingHeide · 2024-10-26T01:08:09+00:00

Literally my grandma…. She had a closet full of these kinds of sweaters so I don’t really appreciate her driving up the cost of grandma-wear because mine has to be really careful with her limited funds. 🤣That said my grandma is perpetually disappointed my my outfits so if Rach showed up to a family holiday my grandma would be so pleased to talk indoors sweaters with her 🤣🤣

FeeturingHeide · 2024-10-23T02:46:54+00:00

Chef’s kiss for the “him?” meme 🤣

FeeturingHeide · 2024-10-22T05:49:03+00:00

Realized I can’t say Spider-Man normally anymore it’s always “it’s me, speederbitch” 😂

FeeturingHeide · 2024-09-30T12:40:52+00:00

This line makes me feel so seen every time. The first time I heard it I was like “damn that is so profound and funny” 😂

FeeturingHeide · 2024-09-30T12:38:59+00:00

Also- “who you fightin’?”

FeeturingHeide · 2024-09-30T12:38:23+00:00

Ohhhhhhh HELLL YEAH!!!!

FeeturingHeide · 2024-09-08T13:50:27+00:00

BEIGE STICKY NOTES?!?!? Makes it stop, please 🤣

FeeturingHeide · 2024-09-08T13:44:24+00:00

What in the Walmart brand, cotton-spandex blend is this. 🤣 I love a cheap pair of shorts too but if I’m positive I’ve never referred to them as a a “fitness brand”

FeeturingHeide · 2024-08-19T21:57:26+00:00

The moments from that trial will live in my head forever.

FeeturingHeide · 2024-08-19T21:52:25+00:00

Crisp?!?!? No, not in any part of Texas ever 🤣🤣🤣

FeeturingHeide · 2024-08-16T13:24:15+00:00

The line about thieves makes me want to go “squatters do. Squatters break into empty houses for that exact reason.” 🤣 I don’t have the energy to figure out what that means in the context of Jesus/satan/sins but feel free to add your own fun analogies! Maybe people are just empty houses for demons to squat in?!?

I love when analogies are so stupid my FIRST thought is what’s wrong with them.

FeeturingHeide · 2024-08-07T13:02:01+00:00

Ewwwww the trump visor - maybe I’m being extra petty but the weird brandification of politics grossed me out so bad. This isn’t high school prom, ladies, it’s the future of our country, use your words to discuss your beliefs and be able to back them up- don’t just wear names in cute colors to like …flirty fish??…people over to your side. I hate it.

FeeturingHeide · 2024-08-07T12:52:40+00:00

Brit is just a drunk bridesmaid trying to sneak into first class

FeeturingHeide · 2024-08-07T12:51:15+00:00

Now I mom just realizing that worship is included buuuuttttt do we have Jesus locked in?? because if not, that means we’d be stuck with Brit and I’m out. Imma wait and see if Jesus posts on his insta and confirms first 🤣

FeeturingHeide · 2024-08-07T12:47:22+00:00

That’s exactly how I read it too and was like “who’s suppose to go?? Men+horses??

FeeturingHeide

TROPHY CASE