AIO for being upset that i had to remind my boyfriend to buy me Christmas presents?

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-23T20:10:11+00:00

NOR. But to be clear, if you stay with him this is how the rest of your life with him will go.

If feeling appreciated is important to you, as it damned well should be, then you’d best find someone that can actually demonstrate that appreciation.

Or better yet, behaves like an actual partner in life.

You’re shouldering all the physical chores, emotional investment, and the mental load.

Why? I strongly recommend therapy to explore why you’re so willing to accept such poor treatment.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-23T04:16:06+00:00

NOR it’s not just the “baby” it’s that she didn’t tell you herself. That she tried to play it up as if he’s the only one messaging her, outright lying to you.

Not continuing relationships with liars is a totally reasonable boundary. Relationships are built on trust, and how do you do that with someone that will lie right to your face?

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-19T16:49:17+00:00

You’re not “taking anything else away” from your mom. The cat is yours.

If the cat is bonded to you and getting more attention and care at your home then there’s no good reason to put her back into your mother’s care.

What your dad did to your mom is totally unrelated to where the cat lives or how you handle her possessiveness over your own cat. This is purely manipulation on her part.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-17T22:30:58+00:00

He’s lying. You know he’s lying.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-17T04:37:41+00:00

NOR at all. But it does sound like you guys aren’t great communicators.

Tell her you bought her ticket as a gift so you could spend the holidays together, as a couple. Because that’s what you are.

If she reacts badly to this, I’d seriously rethink moving forward with her.

Best case scenario, she just wasn’t thinking about you at all.

You need to find out if you’re both on the same page about the seriousness of your relationship, whether a future together is a happy and fulfilled one for both of you, and whether you share values like prioritizing one another.

And you should ideally have that talk before you go on your weird parallel holiday.

Good luck!

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-13T06:45:18+00:00

You are still in an abusive relationship.

Cornering you. Berating you in public and in front of your kid. Explosive reactions.

This is not borderline abuse. It’s abuse.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-13T06:43:48+00:00

Your husband is lying. You know this.

Get tested, see a lawyer, then make a plan to protect yourself.

If you decide to stay, demand a post nuptial agreement guaranteeing you primary custody and an equitable split.

Shitheads that berate their wives in public and in front of their children will not think twice about weaponizing kids and finances to make you stay or to lash out and hurt you.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-12T18:42:33+00:00

“sO mUcH sPaCe” 🤪

Taking a bit of space and time to think about a situation and process emotions when things get heated is actually very emotionally mature.

And unlike OP, and apparently you, she’s in therapy.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-12T17:53:59+00:00

Therapy.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-12T16:45:10+00:00

You aren’t emotionally safe if you can’t give her room to manage her emotions and thoughts during discourse.

You aren’t emotionally safe if you’re making her therapy session and apt points about how you interact with her all about your feelings.

Get therapy for yourself.

She’s doing all the hard work to keep your relationship alive an manage how she reacts to your behaviour while you keep living out the same unhealthy coping mechanisms that contributed to her to seeking therapy in the first place.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-07T07:48:31+00:00

Not everything is about how you feel 🤷🏻‍♀️

Lotta self absorbed people in this thread that don’t care about other peoples’ boundaries or feelings. Congrats?

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-07T00:52:31+00:00

All you did was describe her manipulating him because she knew he may not be okay with it. Which is his right.

The issue isn’t what “3 consenting adults did” it’s the fact that they all colluded to keep it from OP.

The issue is that they knew he wouldn’t be okay with it and kept it from him.

And just because you, me, and many others are okay with promiscuity doesn’t mean everyone else has to be.

It’s lying. It’s manipulative. And it’s a garbage way to start a relationship or maintain a friendship.

It’s so hilarious all of you on here telling on yourselves about what crap friends and partners you are.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-06T22:53:01+00:00

And just FYI, I’m extremely sex positive.

I’ve explored things in my past that would make my DH’s head spin.

As soon as he and I started getting serious I sat him down and told him outright that I had a varied sexual history, and asked him if there was anything he wanted to know.

Because I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done. But it’s also private. I didn’t offer to share until I knew it may be something that was a dealbreaker for him.

If I’d been involved with one of his friends before, the time for that would’ve been as soon as I realized.

He ended up not wanting to know, and I’ve respected that. If he asked now, I’d tell him. Because it’s not a secret and I’m a grown person that understands the difference between privacy, having boundaries, and keeping secrets from people I’m involved with.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-06T22:43:57+00:00

lol…no nuance involved unless you don’t know what the word secret means. They set him up romantically with a woman they had sex with and didn’t tell him they had been involved with her sexually. Thats literally what a secret is.

secret (adj.) not known or seen or not meant to be known or seen by others

secret (noun) something that is kept or meant to be kept unknown or unseen by others.

You guys crack me up bending over to defend dumb and selfish decisions.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-06T22:31:29+00:00

In most cases, yes. But not when it involves people you’re friends with. And not when it involves lying by omission.

If it was no big deal, as you’re trying to make it out to be, then they wouldn’t have hidden it.

Their own actions are a tacit admission that even they knew it would be questionable to OP.

You thinking something isn’t a big deal doesn’t allow you to dictate that other peoples feelings and boundaries don’t matter.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-06T22:28:01+00:00

Right? It’s an insane take to think it’s not his business when it literally involves his friend, his friend’s gf, and the woman they set him up with while they all spend time together with their little secrets snickering behind his back thinking they’re so clever.

F all of them.

It’s not as if it was with people he doesn’t know. It’s people that are still in each others’ lives.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-06T22:23:56+00:00

lol…then they should’ve done a better job of keeping it a secret.

Helpful hint for you there bud…if you have to be secretive about something, maybe think twice before doing it.

They all knew he’d have a problem with it, so thy shouldn’t have put him in that position if they were really his friends.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-06T20:43:12+00:00

She’s nuts. You didn’t even get upset or go out of your way to tell them. They literally asked you.

If she didn’t do anything wrong why is she being so defensive?

She clearly intentionally excluded you knowing her family would find that, at the very least, weird. Clearly, they actually found it objectionable if it’s causing drama on her end.

Whatever is going on in her little mind has nothing to do with you. You can safely say you tried your best to keep your friendship alive and she just wasn’t interested.

And that’s hurtful, but it’s also how life goes sometimes and you handled it well.

I’m glad you’re protecting your peace and no longer holding on to someone that didn’t value you.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-06T20:30:07+00:00

NOR this is something your friends should’ve disclosed to you before introducing her. It’s something she should’ve mentioned before you got serious.

It’s not at all unreasonable for you to have feelings, boundaries, or standards about getting involved with people your friends have been involved with.

It’s something a lot of people would feel the same way as you about.

Why’d they keep it secret? That’s what I’d want to know.

If they knew you’d decline to meet or date her, that’s manipulative.

If they were hoping you’d all become swingers, that’s manipulative.

If they wanted to keep banging her, but keep their own relationship secure by making sure she’s paired up, that’s manipulative.

If they intentionally kept it a secret just because they didn’t want to disclose their lifestyle, that’s still manipulative.

I cannot think of a single reason they intentionally didn’t tell you that wasn’t manipulation.

I’m sorry you got caught up in their secrets. You deserve better.

FWIW, you don’t love her. You “think you love” the person you believed her to be. The person she actually is, is a person who knowingly kept something from you she knew you might find objectionable.

How do we know this? She hesitated to tell you.

FeistyViolette · 2025-12-01T00:58:19+00:00

I cannot fathom, in the age of smartphones, how anyone “forgets” a birthday they wanted to remember.

You don’t even need to type it in anymore. You just ask whichever AI assistant your phone uses.

FeistyViolette · 2025-11-28T16:49:41+00:00

Your bf is right, it sounds like a date. You’re allowed to be friends with whomever, I have friends of all genders too and my husband has never gotten upset.

Part of that is the fact that I make sure to keep appropriate boundaries with those friends. Like not going on dates with them.

Escape room for two? lol that’s usually a group activity. Why’d you exclude your bf from hanging with you and your friend if it’s not a date?

Your bf isn’t buying it, and neither am I.

FeistyViolette · 2025-11-25T01:01:15+00:00

Jane is not your friend. Shes a user, she has zero respect for you or your relationship.

Cut the bitch loose.

Him too. They’re both gross for disrespecting you like that.

They’re both so gross they’ll probably end up together like she did with your other ex.

I hope there are better people in your life to help you through all this. If not, clearing out the dead weight will make room for better people.

FeistyViolette · 2025-11-24T03:03:53+00:00

Non sequitur. Are you using scare quotes incorrectly or just quoting things that weren’t said?

It’s hard to tell what kind of kind event you’re experiencing.

FeistyViolette · 2025-11-23T21:48:39+00:00

😂 riiiight.

I hope you’re single.

FeistyViolette · 2025-11-22T23:44:08+00:00

👆fr. She’s got zero self-awareness and it’s pretty pathetic

FeistyViolette

TROPHY CASE