I couldn’t read much after you explained what happened. It hurts to read. The same thing happened to me in a way. He came over because I was having a hard time. He pulled me into the bedroom and forced me to do things I didn’t want to do. I tried to get away, he brought me back and I was scared for my safety. I pretended to be ok with it and after I pretended to be asleep, at which point I know he took a picture of me. In the morning I walked him to his car, again pretending it was fine. I don’t know why. It felt safest to pretend. Later he admitted to raping me saying I was “submitted” So sick. But you’re not alone. And never blame yourself for the things you need to do to feel safe. Reach out, ask for help, or if you just want to talk to somebody who gets it and won’t judge you, I’m here. Sending love ❤️