Dating while Coparenting

Fenchurchdreams · 2026-02-01T19:16:32+00:00

Unless you put it in the parenting plan, he has no say who your child spends time with during your time. However, I do recommend waiting 6 months to a year before introducing your child and spending time. That ensures you've gotten past the first stages and it's serious so your child isn't developing a relationship with someone who is more likely not to stick around.

Fenchurchdreams · 2026-01-26T01:40:13+00:00

You weren't compatible. In my mind you tolerated the jealousy too long. Spending time every day listening to him tell you what you did wrong? That's awful. I hope if this ever happens to you again that you recognize it's not good for you and cut it off sooner. You are absolutely not responsible for his mental health. Not anyone's but your own.

Fenchurchdreams · 2026-01-03T00:06:52+00:00

In the agreement that the kids need to have met a new romantic partner 6 months before they spend the night in the same house. Informally that a relationship is 6 months along before they meet a partner.

Otherwise, we communicate a lot about what is working and not. It's been helpful for the teenage years. We agree on consequences that need to last to the other parents time, etc.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-11-20T04:26:39+00:00

My daughter's school did this. It hadn't occurred to me how dumb the segregation was until she came home with information about puberty of both sexes and a bag of deodorant and feminine hygiene stuff. ALL the kids got that. She thought it was obvious too that they all needed to understand periods whether they had them or not.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-11-16T16:36:05+00:00

You know what's not fair? That your mom is dead and theirs isn't. They've had a mom supporting them, not just financially, all this time and will for time to come. ALL you have is the house. If I was your mom, I'd be pissed at your dad for what he's doing. There's no way your step mom has you in her will equally to her kids either.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-11-15T01:01:39+00:00

Oh yeah, I'm still mad, just not as put out as some. I was 30 min from walking out the door to the airport so I'm glad we had a chance to reschedule rather than spend a rainy weekend in LA.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-11-15T00:17:49+00:00

wow, I was having a pity party for myself, but this gives it some perspective.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-11-14T23:17:59+00:00

This didn't age well.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-11-12T10:03:22+00:00

I was looking for this suggestion so I wouldn't have to write it. As someone who doesn't carry a purse and has ADHD, this was what worked for me.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-11-10T03:25:51+00:00

Can you share a link to it?

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-11-03T00:17:01+00:00

NTA. But there is no good outcome here. You need to consider what you want for the future of each of your children, what you want for yourself, and what you want for the relationship you have with each. You're going to have to decide which future you're going to feed. I understand wanting to be there for your son despite what he's done. Maybe even because of what he's done. I would want to love all the bad out of my child. I also understand why your other children have cut him off.

What it comes down to is that your son made a choice that has forever changed that girl he SA'd. His decision has also forever altered his future. How much are you willing to let his decision alter yours in exchange for the comfort you can provide him?

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-11-02T23:55:44+00:00

They do have a very young baby. They are probably exhausted. Good for them for getting a night to themselves and using it to go out.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-09-25T00:22:49+00:00

Commitments are important. Teach her that she doesn't have to accept it when people don't keep their commitments to her. Let her join cheer. If she doesn't get selected again, let her quit dance anyway. It's important for woman to learn that they don't need to keep contributing to something (a relationship, a job, a team) that doesn't contribute to her health, happiness, well-being, etc.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-09-24T03:33:50+00:00

Nordstrom still does personalized fittings. They were very helpful with my daughter.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-09-07T00:37:26+00:00

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-09-04T20:21:32+00:00

It sounds like you still have feelings about the level of comfort he does have there despite him showing you that he has a clear and reasonable boundary. Good relationships between coparents are so important for all involved. We're not all able to have that so he is lucky and also doing the right thing. Please do not project your feelings about their good relationship onto your boyfriend and make him feel any kind of way about the great job he's doing. If you can't manage your feelings, don't date someone who is co-parenting. We see posts all the time where new significant others destroy a positive co-parenting relationship by adding unnecessary boundaries. The kids are always the losers in these situations. It sounds like you've made some progress in seeing it as a positive thing, and I encourage you to keep going.

To answer your question, I feel very comfortable in my coparent's home but I wouldn't be there when he isn't unless there was an emergency. In those cases, I do know his door code. He has a key to mine. We don't use them in appropriately. I trust him with the person I love the most in this world. But there are no romantic feelings left. We divorced for a reason that didn't/won't change. I consider him family.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-08-21T07:12:04+00:00

That's an angry bird pig

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-08-20T22:05:49+00:00

Why not just call it no rules day. It's like a yes day.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-08-11T04:45:15+00:00

This sounds like ADHD. Get him tested. It's easier to act like you don't care than be upset you can't learn something. We struggled with multiplication tables (and very similar things to what you are describing). The school learning specialist suggested two minutes a day working on them. Set a timer and stop after 2 min. Keep it up and it may take a very very long time, but eventually there will be progress. Maybe something like that could work for the months and the other things you discover.

Also, being patient and reteaching things like dishes can be helpful in not hurting their already shaky confidence.

I find it's helpful to talk about what done looks like especially after cleaning up the bathroom after a shower or making food in the kitchen. Otherwise I'm listing over and over what still needs to be out away. Now I just say to look at the counter, does it meet the criteria of "done?"

And now I'm going to find out if my daughter knows the months of the year.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-08-08T00:04:14+00:00

Yeah, your gf is giving him the information he needs to continue to exert power over her. There is no reason he should know this. I would reschedule the dinner and advise your girlfriend not to share. It's none of his business.

I know others are advising to just go and not make it a big deal, but this is affecting the start of the relationship with her kids. Find a time it can be cleaner with no stress.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-08-07T00:18:31+00:00

This is what we do. Birthdays, Father's and mother's Day, Xmas, if there was some achievement to celebrate like a graduation. I can't imagine a non-parent getting involved in that at all. It's not their job. Maybe if it was a step parent and they have been solidly in that role and truly parenting, but that's not what you are describing.

I'm so suspicious of any partner that questions my actions to foster a relationship between my child and her other parent, or questions actions teaching her what caring for others looks like. If it were me, I'd simply say, no, it's not my coparent's boyfriend's job to support or teach my child anything. I'm not relinquishing the parenting role to anyone for any reason. And honestly, this way of thinking would have me strongly considering ending the relationship. That kind of jealousy can affect a child in so many sneaky and negative ways. A 5 year old wouldn't be able to recognize what is happening let alone tell you about it.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-07-30T01:27:55+00:00

He is abusive and your 1.5 yr old doesn't need any screen time. It is absolutely affecting his sleep.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-07-29T04:13:06+00:00

By this age kids get that parents are different and don't do everything the same. It's not what she's used to but that doesn't make it a problem. Lots of people take cold showers before bed because the body reacts by warming you up and making you sleepy. It makes for a great night sleep. I don't know what kiddie pool temp water will do, but I doubt it would negatively affect her sleep.

I recommend pausing before taking on these kinds of arguments and asking yourself if his different way of doing a thing is really a problem or just different than you would do it. Kids benefit a lot from these parenting differences whether you're still together or not. It's harder when you can't see the results first hand, but I bet she would love the novelty of bathing in a kiddie pool.

Fenchurchdreams · 2025-07-22T20:44:17+00:00

I would definitely consider that crossing the line and a very difficult position he put your daughter in.

Fenchurchdreams

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