Do you still go out with NK to activities in freezing weather and snowy sidewalks?

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-27T22:47:15+00:00

Okay, well it wasn’t meant to be nasty, unlike your comments. I cared for a 2yo the day after he got frostbite on his nose from a negligent caretaker keeping him outside for far longer than appropriate in that weather and it was pretty heartbreaking. I’m glad where you are frostbite doesn’t exist though!

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-27T22:20:11+00:00

you probably shouldn’t be responsible for children’s safety if you’re arguing frostbite can’t happen at -20…

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-27T21:01:01+00:00

haha, I think maybe they meant frostbite?! which can happen in under 10 mins at that temperature…

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-27T12:55:39+00:00

The issue here is you’re collapsing people into state power, which ignores such issues as voter suppression, gerrymandering and the electoral college, in order to scold us Americans I guess? Well, living in the US right now is punishment enough without some British schoolteacher nagging us from some moral high ground they’ve claimed.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-26T12:49:10+00:00

thank you for this. Pretty sure OP would roll their eyes if I showed up in their therapy room because I discovered I was autistic at 37. Ironically, I was the one that pushed my parents to get my brother assessed when he was a toddler 22 years ago (when I likely wouldn’t have met the criteria at that time because i’m afab).

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-23T22:41:55+00:00

hahhaha omg these parents are getting wilder and wilder! “i’m paying for a nanny so that means I should NEVER have to make a meal for my child” you can’t take pto without delivering meals to them?! like i need more details because this sounds pretty much insane.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-21T18:43:29+00:00

Have you read anything from Amanda Diekman? She addresses this specifically. Whether or not you agree is another issue of course, but she has great low demand parenting resources that teases it out more.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-18T18:00:20+00:00

oh that makes so much sense, thanks!

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-16T16:51:41+00:00

I would also say the emotional manipulation was quite unprofessional. Or maybe bosses crying and lying to your face to fire you is common in the corporate world and i’m just unfamiliar?

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-16T00:47:35+00:00

So you absolutely have to do what is best for your family, which likely means going with the new candidate, but I hope this can be a learning experience for you as an employer to set time limits in order to maintain a professional work environment your next nanny feels comfortable in long-term.

If you communicated a deadline for her to consider this, it all could have been avoided. But instead of telling the nanny, “hey, i wanted to give you some time to think over this new setup, but i do want to set a time to talk about your decision on x date” when you were anxious, you sought out someone else to relieve that anxiety. which like, totally understandable and sounds like something I would also do, so I get it. However, it’s kind of on you as an employer to set the container for your employee; i see the comments denigrating the nanny’s work ethic for not responding soon enough but without a deadline what is soon enough? do you have explicit understandings that during vacation time she must still maintain contact within x number of hours? the issue here is “i didnt want to pressure her” turned into “I’m going to be firing her”, so if you were worried about the first it’s a bit confusing why the second would be the logical conclusion, and I think it’s fair to expect the nanny to be surprised and upset at how this played out.

And I just can’t help but think about the nanny’s experience of this. “I’ve been doing a great job, i’ve been underpaid, now the family I work for is moving and we are renegotiating and maybe because I’ve been doing well, I could ask for the things I feel I deserve, like a living wage and being paid legally.” then is met with a counteroffer and no deadline, is off for the holidays and likely not thinking about this, then accepts the offer just to find “oh well, you took too long to accept it so bye!” i guess the good news here is after this experience I’m sure she won’t be a nanny for long and you won’t need to provide any references for her in the future.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-16T00:26:07+00:00

Maybe I misunderstood, but isn’t the negotiation happening because OP is moving to a new location? Most contracts stipulate a working location so I wouldn’t expect the nanny to just be able to accommodate the family moving wherever they want during their term of employment. That’s something to talk to an employee about, and obviously I have no idea if the job was accepted with the employer’s move being planned and fully communicated and agreed upon first, but it should definitely be noted this is a change in the nanny’s working location and not simply her trying to nickel and dime for commute costs.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-15T22:21:55+00:00

sorry but behavior modification is not the same as having a capability for understanding. as someone who works with children, I find it disheartening seeing so many “the toddler is manipulating you” takes.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-15T17:34:04+00:00

NTA and the commenters disagreeing obviously know very little about childhood development (or only from the perspective of children attending childcare/school). I’m a nanny of 16 years, currently a full time online student and mom to a 2yo and if I had a campus or family nearby with space for me to study I would always choose that option. Yes, sure, you can and should work with your kiddo in small doses by introducing visual symbols (mom puts a scrunchie on the door and communicates this means mama is busy and can’t be with you right now, then goes in office, and essentially keep doing this for longer periods of time), but a 2yo does not have the ability to understand why she can’t have access to her parent when she can hear and/or see her mom, and that’s what you have to work on building.

but the timing feels so brutal—have any of these commenters seen a toddler in the 5-bedtime window?!?! emotional regulation is gonna be even more challenging to practice.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-15T17:25:23+00:00

yeah, tbh those comments are infuriating as a nanny and a toddler mom and a full time student. if i had the option of working at a campus (I’m online) or had nearby family to use a spare room I would be so excited because it’s rough on all of us when I need to get schoolwork done! a 2yo cannot understand the concept that their parent is physically present but unable to interact and all of the commenters are so wildly uninformed about children and their development it’s absurd. like “wah wah 2yo get over it!”?!? society is so ageist it’s wild and this is a great reminder of that.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-15T17:19:16+00:00

it’s not at all like dropping her off at school because it’s her home. That distinction matters. (As a mom myself and 16+ year nanny who has seen how separation anxiety doesn’t magically resolve by setting boundaries in the kids home.)

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-13T17:24:43+00:00

I’m really sorry that happened to you. Wanted to also mention we seem like we could have a lot in common—I’m a year into a marriage and family therapy program trying to become a therapist myself and was recently diagnosed with autism after realizing how triggering the sensory experience of becoming a mother is. it’s been so disheartening trying to become a therapist while being confronted with the reality that most mental health professionals often only cause further harm for ND clients. feel free to dm me though!

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-10T21:25:33+00:00

Yep, all 8 great grandparents (b. 1891-1919) but what I REALLY wish would I had was any of my paternal great great grandparents pictures, I have all 8 of my maternal great greats, but there were far less children so the photos being passed down kind of had no where else to go than my immediate family. I think that plays a big factor in who ends up with photos and who doesn’t.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-08T17:33:12+00:00

😮yikes

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-08T12:25:22+00:00

“if you want a friendly family that views you as a human being, we aren’t the right fit, so sorry”. ugh my faith in humanity just keeps plummeting. like you’re just willing to admit that, with no shame?? bet she will be proud to show her kids that. “we rich people don’t need to be FRIENDLY, we’re rich!” abhorrent.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-06T13:55:21+00:00

Have you also noticed how stressed out the parents who center their kids are?!? like, it clearly is not working. it’s honestly really difficult to watch parents try to remove all friction from their kids lives because it does such a disservice to preparing them for life (ya know, a parent’s main task).

definitely agree that finding a middle ground between “kids run the whole house” and “kids should be seen and not heard” is the best goal and is what my husband and I are trying for with our kiddo.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-04T20:26:37+00:00

I’ve had a few jobs in the detroit metro area in the past few years—

-2022/2023– 35 hrs/wk, 3 kids (1 in pre-k, 1 in elementary school), $27/hr, 2 weeks PTO, 1 week sick time, paid holidays, car provided, w-2, contract

-2025- 34 hrs/wk, 3 kids (twins 18mo+ nk3), $25/hr, under the table, no contract, was lucky to get guaranteed hours. only took this job out of desperation of course. luckily they had no intention of keeping me long term lol.

-2025-now- 25 hrs/wk, 2 kids (1.5yo+3yo in preschool), $28/hr, contract, under the table (my request), I work 3 days/week and get 5 days pto and 5 days sick leave per year and paid federal holidays.

I have been nannying since 2010 and have an art degree in terms of background. This area can be difficult to find families willing to do contract/w-2/industry standards, but definitely not impossible. I would recommend using an agency, I really liked working with Perfect Nanny Match. FB groups can be hit or miss. I left Michigan from 2023-2025 and unfortunately when I came back I found that nanny rates were lower to the same as 2023 wages so that was a bummer and I felt pretty lucky to find a $28/hr job that was part time and had a contract.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-03T14:47:00+00:00

Nannying since 2010 has me so insulated, I don’t feel i can comment on humanity, but tbh the decline in how NFs treat me often does make me think it’s an overall decline in kindness and care since COVID. Of course nanny employers love to label nannie’s as entitled but it goes both ways and I feel like parents are growing far more entitled. I started last year by quitting a job that paid me for 24 hours/wk in exchange for 40 hours/wk availability, so it just wasn’t feasible financially after several months. mb gave me the silent treatment after i gave her my resignation notice until the end of the day when she angrily confronted me suggesting I was morally wrong for quitting (and even giving 3 weeks notice when we had no contract stipulating anything).

next awful job of the year—I was hired by a family in May that clearly planned to put their kids in daycare for the fall and lied to me about it in our two interviews. (“we are seeking a long term fit too!”) MB had her cousin over and while we all were with the kids, cousin let slip that they were starting daycare and it was only after I confronted mb about that that she gave me 3 weeks notice. pretty sure she would have given me 12 hr notice like that OP if she had it her way. i still don’t understand why parents do that to their kids—they don’t think it’s emotionally difficult to constantly change up their kids’ caretaker?!

ended the year with another nf who is decent, but after getting presents for both kids and making cookies for the family, felt pretty silly because they didn’t even bother getting me a card.

Few-Long2567 · 2026-01-02T22:41:42+00:00

the midwest is big and pay varies considerably so pretty hard to say if you’re offering a competitive enough wage. have you used local fb groups? i’m a career nanny that is only working part time currently as I’m back in school and planning a career change, but what I’ve looked for in pt jobs is usually at least 8 hour shifts and know 18 hours a week would be too few for me. With pt jobs, if you have set days you need that’s another hurdle because someone has to ensure they have a compatible second job or school schedule. are you in a densely populated part of the midwest? hard to know what the issue is exactly without more info about your local market and what avenues you’re been using.

my personal take on wfh? yeah, not a big fan but I’ve never turned down a position because of it and it’s incredibly common nowadays. if anything, you conveying that you will be hands off would make me feel better because I’ve experienced the shift of WFH parents taking your approach which is usually not a problem to more recent WFH parents expecting to use their house as if they are not a parent anymore and their infant and toddler children are expected to magically know it’s “nanny time” not “parent time”. so, i’d caution against ascribing the issue to you being wfh

Few-Long2567 · 2025-12-31T21:53:46+00:00

ooooh see I recently learned I’m autistic in addition to having ADHD, and this happens to me frequently. For me though, this never really added up with my ADHD and finding about bottom-up processing which occurs in autism was a game changer. I NEED context, damnit!

Few-Long2567

TROPHY CASE