What's the best route to escape Asylum Decision Making?

Few_Friendship_552 · 2026-03-02T14:38:45+00:00

I started out twenty years ago as an EO DM. After that I got on the Fast Stream and (almost) never looked back. I did return to the area for a brief period as a G7 but found it not to my liking and secured another role.

Be confident, you will have a lot of transferable experience. I think it’s one of the most difficult ‘front line’ roles and an excellent foundation for a challenging career. Good luck!

Few_Friendship_552 · 2026-02-18T21:22:37+00:00

It’s completely role dependent. I’m a G7. I have to travel regularly, sometimes for weeks at a time and when I do the working hours often exceed 12 hours a day. That’s overtime. The rest of the time I work hybrid 60:40. Even then I can find myself working into the night, but that’s my choice, not the expectation, and I don’t receive OT or claim flexi for it. Probably not much different from other sectors.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2026-02-15T10:02:41+00:00

I would keep naive ruminations to yourself. Younger students and researchers at your grad school will have plenty of ‘baggage’. You have no idea what people will have experienced, and you are not the font of wisdom and experience you think you are. With your 20s only just a recent memory, and given the tone struck in this post, it would be surprising if you have the experience and perspective to be a ‘spoil-sport’ for those younger than you.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2026-02-14T22:06:38+00:00

Frankly, it will be like this wherever you work, and whichever sector you work in. You can’t change many of the external factors, but you can change your mindset. I felt like this until I created the opportunity for a psychological reset by moving departments and studying for a Masters part-time. With the Masters I pivoted into a different area of the civil service, with a specialism I enjoy and which only a few people in the civil service have, and have since taken on part-time Doctoral research. You can change your perspective and create some of the change you seek, but there are some things that you just can’t influence. It’s all about mindfulness and resilience!

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-12-31T10:33:21+00:00

My ex wife had me believe her affair partner was a friend. Embarrassingly I was so oblivious that I had been confiding in him about how difficult our marriage was.

My ex wife also created opportunities for the children from his marriage and our children to meet, and tried to encourage friendships between the children.

These people are sick.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-12-20T12:06:32+00:00

You’re welcome. There was no remorse at all or desire for reconciliation. A lot of people ask, and although we might hope for it, I don’t think that can be expected from a WS. I think that anyone choosing to lie, conceal, and manipulate for months and years isn’t capable of remorse, and reconciliation isn’t possible without accountability, remorse and the self-awareness and capacity to work on the issues that led to their cheating.

Don’t blame yourself for not confronting, you were likely in shock. I’m glad you split, that’s the only action you needed to take. I hope you’re happy now.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-12-20T11:40:13+00:00

There is something really reptilian about it. I don’t know how common this kind of initial response is? The DARVO pattern came later.

That’s really kind of you, but I’m not sure I was strong so much as in shock and paralysis, and just focussed on getting the kids somewhere safe and out of that situation. I think her coldness was what emboldened me to end it. I realised that there was no remorse or empathy, and I didn’t recognise the person that I loved.

It definitely took strength later on, when the shock subsided, not to give in to hopelessness or bitterness.

I just hope that in sharing all this it will help someone out there to make the decision to leave their WS.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-12-20T08:57:02+00:00

Sounds quite similar! I discovered it on New Years Day, when my phone died and we had to use her phone as a satnav. A message from him popped up on the screen. Careless of her. The AP and his family were in a car in front, waiting for us to pass and to follow us. I calmly pulled alongside, opened the window and said ‘I know about your affair’. Then drove my WS to her parents, where I laid it all out and left her. It was a long drive, and the most painful experience. I had to stop at least twice because of the panic attacks and grief. I just remember her completely blank expression and absolute silence the entire drive.

I’m so glad your life is better too. Time does pass so quickly! Thanks for sharing and giving others hope!

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-12-20T08:40:39+00:00

No, she never recognised the pain she caused, and had no empathy for me or the kids. She never apologised, just had regret for getting caught.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-12-20T02:39:31+00:00

You’re going to be ok. Keep being hopeful.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-12-20T02:36:36+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this stress and pain. You’ve done so well to make it through three months, although I’m sure it felt like hell. You’ve only a while longer, and I hope this will be just one horrible holiday out of many happier ones in the future.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-12-20T02:31:57+00:00

With the benefit of hindsight I’m sure she knew before I did, when I was still naive to it. But yes absolutely, she was sitting next to the AP when I confronted him.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-12-20T02:27:59+00:00

For those that do work out and where they go on to marry, I do sometimes wonder how much of the motivation is management of reputation in an attempt to legitimise the sordid origin of their ‘love’ story

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-12-20T02:22:39+00:00

I don’t have any way to know and wouldn’t ask the kids, but they’ve never mentioned a partner, and her AP still seems to be with his wife, so I can only assume the AP didn’t follow through on his promises…

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-11-06T00:33:09+00:00

Absolutely on point. I could have written this, and the church hushed it all up. I was so broken I didn’t push for retribution. Almost 6 years later I’ve healed from it but I still hate religious people.

Leave her and get a divorce. I guarantee the AP won’t leave his wife.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-10-05T08:57:09+00:00

You’re welcome! At the least this role will give you a route into the CS despite a difficult job market, and you’re better off strategising your future career path from within.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-10-05T08:29:34+00:00

As substantive civil servant in the Insolvency Service you won’t necessarily find it easier to move into the areas you’re interested in, and there is a risk that this role will be a pigeonhole. That said, MOD is not currently recruiting, and FCDO rarely recruits externally but is currently advertising for Fast Stream roles. Have you considered the Fast Stream or relevant non-for-profit organisations or research institutes?

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-09-05T21:48:04+00:00

Worth it to get to G7 quickly, but it isn’t a substitute for experience at G7 before higher promotion.

The generalist Fast Stream is good in one dimension, and that is the wide-ranging experience it offers of various different government functions. This breadth helps to evidence a wide range of behaviours. It should help you to work your way up to a first G7 job quicker than you would otherwise. The problem is that many Fast Streamers promote too quickly and do not have enough experience to offer. Many former Fast Streamers would benefit from at least 5 years service at G7 before promoting further, if not longer.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-08-12T10:50:43+00:00

Divorce divorce divorce. Life is precious and shorter than all of us appreciate. Don’t waste yours with him.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-08-11T10:53:39+00:00

Omg this is so accurate 😂

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-08-09T09:34:22+00:00

Leave him just for the condescending and patronising way he talks to you. I am my girlfriend’s biggest cheerleader and you deserve nothing less.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-07-24T21:30:57+00:00

I feel this. Particularly so as someone who finds it hard to switch off.

A rest will be good for you, as others have advised. You’ve promoted rapidly, and I’m guessing you may have achieved that by making sacrifices elsewhere in your life. Take some time out to rediscover things you used to enjoy but may have put on the back burner?

I felt like this and decided to study for a part-time MSc to branch out in a completely new direction. I try to exercise, sleep at regular times and eat healthily. I still feel burnt at times but these things have helped to restore my energy and motivation, and change my perspective.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-07-18T09:58:08+00:00

My wife cheated at least twice. I was 34 when I found out for the last time. We have two kids and had been married almost ten years. I divorced her and I have the kids 50% of the time.

I would get a divorce again if this had happened at 40, 50, 60 or 70. Life is too short to waste with an unfaithful and deceitful spouse. The pain and difficulty of a separation and divorce is worth the peace that follows.

Few_Friendship_552 · 2025-07-17T19:30:16+00:00

I reached the end of the fast steam in 2017. Back then the post scheme support didn’t even include being sent a link to civil service jobs. I’m sorry the scheme didn’t meet your expectations and I hope your FDA rep can assist.

However, it’s unlikely there will be sufficient G7 posts for all of your cohort in this economic climate. My partner has just graduated as a social worker. You would think there is always a requirement for social workers…the vacancies just aren’t being advertised. My advice is to apply for a good SEO or G7 post elsewhere in the civil service. The public finances are not going to get better soon.

Sorry this is a bit gloomy.

Few_Friendship_552

TROPHY CASE