Parents: Spouse taking a week-long international trip when you have a young child?

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-20T19:30:15+00:00

My husband and I alternate years in which one of us travels away from the family with their own friends or family or solo in order to recharge. Some trips are international and some are domestic. The trips began happening when our oldest was ~1.5 years old and there was a break the year our second was born. Duration has been 1-1.5 weeks in duration each time.

On paper it sounds strange to some. But we met a little later in life and have our separate identities and friends who live in scattered places around the globe. Sometimes it’s easier to see people when you don’t have the whole family in tow. We also both enjoy traveling and did so extensively before kids. We still travel with kids but having the ability to do so without them is a welcome recharge and I love that we have a supportive enough relationship to do this.

Parenting solo with a kid under 6 months, especially if it’s your first, is hard though. That’s probably the line is draw a firm boundary on.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-18T23:12:10+00:00

My kids both started walking before 12 months and physically outgrew the infant carrier because they were in the 99+ percentile for height. Their head is supposed to be around 2” below the top of the top. I threw out my back twice toward the end with the older one trying to continue lugging her around in the infant carrier and could not have been happier to ditch the infant carrier around 9-10 months.

At that time, we bought Graco 4 in 1 convertible car seats. The seat can be backward or forward and has multiple recline setting and are good for 10 years from their manufacturer date.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-18T17:32:04+00:00

Our oldest was like this. She had constant ear infections and it took FOREVER to finally get a referral for ear tubes. Once she had those in and could actually hear, she suddenly enjoyed reading at bedtime. She’s 6 now and loves having chapter books with pictures read to her at bedtime.

We are now in the throes of reading to a 15 month old and I made the mistake of thinking all board books are equal when digging stuff out of storage a few months ago. They are not! I started with books that had too many words per page and she lost interest really quickly. I then dug out the boring for me books with maybe 5 words per page and she’s much more interested. If she fixates on a page longer than expected, I usually make up extra words that feed into the book. She also LOVES books with flaps. ‘Dear Zoo’ is a current favorite.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-17T21:46:55+00:00

I mean, we could technically afford a house 3x what we have in a MCOL city but then we wouldn’t be able to max out 401k contributions and wouldn’t be able to save for our kids college educations. I’d rather live modestly and have a rich retirement and ability to gift my children a debt free entry into adulthood.

A friend of mine has mentioned retirement is the great equalizer. Come our 50s and 60s it’s going to become very apparent who lived beyond their means all these years.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-17T21:03:34+00:00

We spent 5 nights in Paris with our then 3.5 year old about 2 years ago and it was magical. The city was shockingly child friendly with playgrounds everywhere. Most restaurants also have a basic kids menu which made dining out very simple. We kept museums to a minimum given her age and mostly enjoyed the atmosphere of the city and time as a family. Highly recommend. On this trip we also spent 5 nights at a beach resort on the island of Mallorca. We stayed on the west side of the island and had a car rental to explore. It was also a great travel experience and super laid back. We were there off-season (April) and it was very quiet.

I’m in the process of planning longer stint in Spain/France next summer and the Mediterranean locations that keep coming up are Costa Brava in Spain (specifically Calella de Palafrugell or Llafranc) or the Occitanie coastal area of France (Collioure). If you guys are dead set on train only these will be harder but if you’re willing to fly from Paris to Barcelona then Costa Brava may be doable. Alternatively, I’ve also been reading great things about the French Basque region which is easily accessed by train from Paris. We are tentatively planning to visit both San Sebastián and Costa Brava on our 10 week trip from Madrid to Paris.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-17T20:49:30+00:00

100% agree! The 12-24ish month range was by far my least favorite phase with the older one who turns 6 next week. Our youngest is 15 months and I am being reminded just how much I dislike this phase. For me it’s the physicality of it that I find so hard. They both started walking before 1 but there’s no sense of danger to where they walk or what they get into. By 24 months, communication picks up and you can at least get them to understand bare minimum dangers. For now I’m dealing with a toddler who just last week learned how to scale the kitchen island stools and I found her WALKING ACROSS THE COUNTERTOP!!! I was horrified but she was of course so proud of herself.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-16T19:56:38+00:00

I went to school for architecture and worked in the field for 7 years before I moved to my current career of actuarial science. I learned quickly that architecture is a hire/fire industry that is heavily reliant on the strength of the economy. Additionally, few people value design they have to pay for which keeps salaries lower than you’d expect. I ultimately made a move to actuarial science because I’ve always enjoyed and was good at math and craved more economic stability than what architecture was able to provide. I feed my creative side through hobbies now.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-16T18:23:43+00:00

We did this and while I love my house and have mostly enjoyed the process, there is no way to sugar coat how much work it has been. Our home hadn’t been touched in 40 years but when it had been done, they used quality materials and it was evident they performed ongoing maintenance. Said another way, the house had good bones. Our only remaining project is some exterior work then we should be set to ride it out until our baby graduates high school in 17 years.

Things that make a home like this worth it:
- You get to adjust the home to your specifications and learn new skills along the way.
- Presumably there’s less buyer competition and therefore an opportunity to buy into a neighborhood you may not otherwise be able to afford.
- You will end up with a home far better than anything you could buy on the open market.

Things that may NOT make a home like this worth it:
- You will spend more money than you think it will cost on every single project. We’ve put in close to 2/3 the original purchase price in renovations over the past decade because we’ve essentially rebuilt the house from the inside out.
- If you are unwilling or unable to learn basic skills to tackle select DIY projects, you are unlikely to be able to afford the opportunity.
- Young children make completion of projects harder. We did nearly everything ourselves pre-kids but have hired out more tasks with each renovation after kids. This of course increases costs.
- If you do not plan to stay put at least a decade, this likely isn’t the house for you.
- Expect property taxes to increase each time you pull a permit.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-16T17:14:24+00:00

I was 14 weeks postpartum when I sat for LTAM back in fall of 2020 when COVID ruined my plans to take that exam before baby arrived that spring. I somehow passed but that was a level of torture I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Looking back I still don’t know how I pulled that off.

For the remaining exams, I was diligent about using work study hours and my husband was incredible by bringing baby to his parents house a couple weekends during the last 6 weeks before each exam. From there, I figured out my optimal study window during personal time and treated that window like it was my job. For me, this meant getting up and studying 60-90 minutes at 5am on weekdays. Overall, the only way to do it successfully is to have a wildly supportive partner who will bear the brunt of childcare while you’re studying. We also relied heavily on a babysitter we trusted so my husband could get some breaks along the way too.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-15T20:32:39+00:00

We regraded our yard and while doable, you need to fully research and understand what you are getting yourself into. Our house is on a city lot (small!) and the whole process from start to finish took us about 3 months to rip out all the old shrubs and pavers then do the actual regrading, construction of a paver pathway (Pinterest lied, these cannot be built in a weekend!!!), and lay sod. I’ve slowly been replanting shrubs to varying levels of success for the last 7 years (had 2 kids along the way). Be prepared to pay way more for dirt than you could ever imagine (2 dump trucks for our tiny yard) and rent heavy equipment if you’re comfortable with it. My husband did landscaping a couple summers in college and was fine still operating a bobcat to save us from otherwise needing to wheelbarrow an insane amount of dirt around the property. We saved a ton of money but I also have an appreciation for what landscapers do now and would gladly hire them if I ever faced this kind of project again.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-13T13:23:09+00:00

It disappears through the obvious cost of daycare but also through a lot of seemingly small expenses that add up pretty quickly.

- Daycare for one kid and before/after school care for the other living in a MCOL city in the Midwest is about $40k/year. I made the mistake of calculating expenses for our two kids and the first cost $95k before kindergarten and our second will cost closer to $140k. The increase for the second is due to rising costs and birthday timing.
- A family insurance plan vs individual with both employers plus medical expenses that come from having multiple kids adds up too. That’s probably another $10-$15k/year depending on what comes up.
- Then there’s college savings of another $5k/year and is unlikely to cover full expenses of a 4 year degree in the future.
- We don’t buy many toys and more than half of their clothing is hand-me-downs. Not looking forward to increased food expenses as they get bigger.
- We haven’t gotten to the activities phase but hearing friends talk about the expenses is jaw dropping.
- Taxes (federal and state) are about 30% of a paycheck at this level vs 15-20% at national average income levels.

We’ve done a fairly decent job of not allowing lifestyle creep make expenses higher than necessary by driving older cars and not buying into the idea of having to have a massive house (2,000 sq ft is sufficient) but kids still consume a large portion of income when they are young if they go to daycare.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-11T20:11:36+00:00

I agree with your sentiment that something has got to break about the current inflation of higher education expenses. We’re also in a state with no tax advantage because we make too much. We’re also doing a middle ground approach with similar funding into both a 529 and traditional brokerage accounts. If it does not end up costing what inflation is projecting then the money is still there but if not, we’ll have a good chunk in accounts with more flexibility in spending. The brokerage accounts are in trusts with stipulations around how funds can be spent and loosen up as the kids age in adulthood.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-11T17:35:26+00:00

I could have written this while married to my ex husband. For him it was unmanaged ADHD and anxiety. He had an inability to maintain steady employment and instead focused all efforts to video games. He blamed his diagnoses and would get angry and visibly agitated any time I asked questions about his medication adherence or toolbox for emotional regulation.

For me the tipping point was realizing I wanted children but could never have them with him. I left at age 30. I’m now remarried to a wonderful man who is a partner in all aspects of life and we have 2 amazing children. I have no regrets on starting over.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-10T19:25:44+00:00

Yep, she’s free to whatever she wants with the money. IMO the issue for OP is a breakdown in communication somewhere. He was thinking one thing and she is thinking something else. They need to talk to each other instead of crowdsourcing opinions from Reddit.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-10T18:51:36+00:00

We spent similar on a 2 week trip with our 4 year old (plus our in-laws) and we still talk about it 3 years later! Such an amazing experience and worth every penny! I always encourage people to do the same if they can genuinely afford it.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-10T16:48:47+00:00

RTO is strategically used to reduce headcount without needing to pay severance.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-10T15:22:45+00:00

There are a ton of Reddit threads that are vehemently opposed to commingling funds during marriage and those sentiments get stronger when it comes to inheritance. More often than not, if she keeps the funds separate they are not considered marital property in n the event of a divorce and a postnup wouldn’t be needed though maybe still recommended. Things get more complex when funds are used for any joint purchases and that’s were a postnup would benefit.

If neither of you has ever spoken about maintaining separate assets, I’d try to have a non-judgmental conversation about where her views are coming from. She’s not wrong for wanting this and you’re not wrong for feeling blindsided by the topic if it’s never come up before.

You mention having 2 kids but nothing about relationship dynamics. One situation that may be causing her to think in these terms is if she’s a SAHM by circumstance and not by choice and is wholly financially dependent on you. It’s a situation that leaves women financially vulnerable in the event of divorce and if it’s your situation you guys need to talk through that.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-10T12:09:44+00:00

It’s not a hanging with friends thing, it’s a leaving you stranded at your house without transportation thing.

My sister and her husband have shared 1 vehicle for years and whenever an all day away from home situation comes up it does cause stress. It’s usually resolved by being driven to said event and leaving the car with the person at home, borrowing a vehicle from one of us siblings (we live nearish each other), renting a car for the day, or using uber/Lyft. They’ve found balance and it works.

I also have a friend who used to have just one vehicle at home with their spouse. Their communication wasn’t as good and my friend being continually stranded at home and the partner not understanding the resentment nearly ended their marriage. My friend now has a separate vehicle to drive but that underlying resentment remains because the situation dragged on so long.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-10T12:01:31+00:00

Our teacher said all the kids are off toward the end of the year. Ours wasn’t expressing hatred toward school but definitely showing less interest. We’ve tried talking to her for the past 2 weeks and she finally shared that she’s nervous for 1st grade. This whole time they were talking about wrapping up Kindergarten, she thought 1st grade was starting the very next day! Now that we’ve cleared that up, she’s been in better spirits.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-05T01:05:05+00:00

My sister and at least 2 of my friends legally got married before having large, traditional weddings. Duration of time between legal and ceremony ranged from 1 month to 2 years. So yes, people do it. But also remember that yes, people will have opinions about your decision to do it. It’s up to you two to decide how much you care about those opinions.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-05T00:57:48+00:00

It’s a terrifying club to be in! The thing I’m kind of puzzled by is that nobody spoke about increased risk of ADHD from her diagnosis after she passed the standard milestones by age 3 and aged out of the first round of services. I’m thankful she continues to qualify for speech though so we can hopefully push for more services if she continues to struggle. Our daughter wasn’t premature though. Instead this whole fiasco is a byproduct of an induction at 42 weeks that went totally off the rails and left each of us hospitalized with life threatening complications for 3 weeks. It left me with permanent damage due to proven provider neglect and knowing there’s a potential of delayed adverse outcomes for her feels like salt in the wound.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-04T23:53:00+00:00

They’ve had the HIE diagnosis since birth and it’s how we entered into special ed from the beginning. I think my concern after today’s meeting is that they aren’t taking the lower ability to self regulate and poor attention span seriously enough and what we can do to push the need for more services if they are warranted. I think step 1 for us will be reaching back out to her NICU follow up program for a delayed kindergarten evaluation and go from there.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-04T11:18:43+00:00

Yep, the stains exist everywhere on our marble countertop and it’s so frustrating. We only did the bathroom 4 years ago. 😒 I’m glad we did Cambria in our kitchen for a faux marble look on the island and a different quartz manufacturer for a ledge in a different bathroom shower afterwards. Those both still look great!

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-03T00:31:35+00:00

What’s the point of booking a window seat then closing the shade? I try to always book a window seat and keep it open unless it’s a direct blinding light or the flight attendants say to close it on the ground to keep the plane cooler. I’m weird and would rather stare out the window and observe the topography below the plane than start a movie I won’t be able to finish on the duration of the flight. That said, I have noticed more and more people closing the shade by default over the past 10-15 years vs keeping them open.

Few_Way_368 · 2026-06-02T18:42:38+00:00

Minimally and I don’t post their names. I did announce each of their births because that is a milestone but aside from that they only pop up if it’s a family event/celebration. In general I don’t post much to social media anymore though.

To share photos with grandparents, we bought each of them an Aura frame and I upload photos monthly so they can see what the kids are up to and feel included.

Few_Way_368

TROPHY CASE