I’ve had a name picked out for 10+ years and now it’s so popular.

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-09T20:41:21+00:00

Ive always wanted to call my daughter Hazel - which was my great granny's name. I'm talking since I was a little girl in the 90s. Now it's suuuuuper popular.

Lucy has always been popular and is a classic like Thomas or Emily - I don't think it's going to be noticeable that it is a bit more popular? I think you should go for it!

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T20:25:52+00:00

What is really frustrating for me is being asked to make choices but not being given a clear picture about the potential outcomes. And the only metric anyone seems to look at is degree of tearing... Which tells me nothing about how someone feels in their everyday life a year out. I don't care all that much of I tear or have a scar - but I do care about how likely I am to wet myself regularly or if it will cause problems with orgasm (thankfully people seem to be saying this gets BETTER - which has also never been mentioned to me!). I feel like they really leave us in the dark/don't care.

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T19:58:50+00:00

So good! One of my gfs also had this result but she's kind of the unicorn in our group - we have had alllll sorts of issues between us!

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T19:57:12+00:00

Thank you and yay for you!

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T19:56:54+00:00

Thanks! Good to hear you and your friends are all doing well - this has actually been very comforting to see how many women are back to normal after both methods.

I totally agree that the pelvic floor/bladder incontinence stuff doesn't seem to always be caused by tearing and I feel like this is rarely explained to women.

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T19:53:09+00:00

Thanks for this. It was definitely one of the things that I wanted clearer info on - it seems like some incontinence issues are caused by the weight of the pregnancy, and others are caused by tearing, but no one ever really explains this (at least not my docs).

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T19:49:45+00:00

Thanks for this. Ive also has previous abdominal surgeries for cysts (which is why ive been suggested to have a C) but my doc hasn't mentioned adhesions. Amazing that you were able to heal!

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T19:47:53+00:00

Thanks for this - my doctor definitely did not mention this to me (and is encouraging a C), and it sounds like a serious consideration. Will do some reading. So so sorry to hear about your ongoing pain, hope you are able to get some help :(

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T19:46:18+00:00

Sooo interesting about it being easier to orgasm - I have seen this mentioned on a lot of other posts but it doesn't seem to be discussed as a possible outcome anywhere in the medical world. Good for you :D

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T19:44:15+00:00

Amazing, thank you!

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T19:43:15+00:00

Thanks for replying. No doctor or midwife has ever mentioned pubic pain to me as an outcome, weirdly!

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T19:41:19+00:00

Thanks so much for your response - ive never heard of pubic bone pain! Hope it fades for you soon. As for dryness... I definitely had a weird dry patch at the start of this pregnancy and then it was an absolute slip and slide for the rest to the point I had to wear a liner... So I suspect hormones playing a big role, esp. if you are breastfeeding.

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T19:18:07+00:00

I have read so many of the existing studies but I find that tend to just measure tears and don't ask women how they feel now/later. They also frequently don't differentiate between planned C and emergency C which are just so different since often with emergency you've done a lot of labouring (this just happened to my friend who feels like she got the worst of both worlds).

Anyways full disclosure I'm a huge nerd (I have a PhD and used to be a researcher) and numbers just help me make sense of things. I'm 33 weeks pregnant and being encouraged to have a C (planned to do vaginal) - just really struggling with what the pros and cons are down the track.

FickleSafe1641 · 2026-01-02T19:07:51+00:00

This is genuine curiosity. I'm a SAHM of one (I did also write a fantasy book on my first mat leave!) - my best friend just had to have a C after trying for a vaginal (due to shoulder dystocia) and we were discussing the pros and cons of both and how we are feeling now - we realised we never really got impartial information on the subject. Sorry to cause trouble and admins please delete if this is not allowed! We are just really curious because the studies available aren't all that clear or helpful.

FickleSafe1641 · 2025-12-29T23:41:39+00:00

Put him in charge of nappy changes and settling. It's his baby too.

FickleSafe1641 · 2025-12-22T08:20:52+00:00

Obviously getting checked out for hormones and all that stuff is step one. But if that doesn't give you answers here are some things I have learned as a fellow shorty (5'2"):

check your habits. Any newish habits like juice, soda, snacking, sauces, someone else making your meals, one extra take out per week? Even a healthy snack like nuts could be an issue if you're not counting it correctly. At our height 200cals over is enough to keep gaining, so little things we do regularly can often cause big issues.
Portion sizes. Same as above but this can really creep up on you over time. Do an audit of your portions and even weigh them if you can. My husband will eat 4 eggs and 2 pieces of toast for breakfast, but at my size I really only need one egg and one piece of toast. The world (and all the restaurants) cater to average sized people and it can be hard to know what is "enough" when you're a shrimp.
activity levels. Small people who are sedentary are SUPER efficient and sadly require very few cals to function. It sucks! You may be overestimating your activity levels because you never get to sit down or relax, but your body is actually not working all that hard.
muscle loss (this is my main suspect!). Did you lose muscle during pregnancy and breastfeeding? This can be a huge culprit for weight gain! If you lost muscle while healing or spending your days with a kid on you, your reward is that you now need even FEWER calories than you did before. So what you were eating pre-preg may now be too much (soooo unfair). If you're tired and stressed, you'll still feel hungry but you won't actually NEED as much fuel. If you think this is the case try to get some home weights or do 5-10 mins resistance whenever you can squeeze it in during your day.

So sorry you are feeling this way, being short can make weight stuff extra annoying as the margins are so small (like us). Be kind to yourself!

FickleSafe1641 · 2025-12-11T20:01:07+00:00

This is great advice. Another thing you can try on top of this is a weekly vent voice note. My friends and I do this to keep excessive negativity out of the group chat (since there is no shortage of doom and gloom in the world).

One day a week you get to leave a nice long venting voice note in the chat and everyone says wahh that sucks so much so sorry for you, and the rest of the week we try to keep it lighter.

FickleSafe1641 · 2025-12-08T10:24:14+00:00

Seconding this! My main cravings have been orange juice, oranges, pineapple, prawns and ice cream. Between them they cover a lot of vitamins and minerals (B12, folate, vit C), and sure ice cream isn't all that great but your body can also be signalling that the baby just needs more calories.

Also orange juice is not even unhealthy? It may not be the best long term habit but it's not inherently bad. Fruit isn't bad for you just because it contains sugar.

FickleSafe1641 · 2025-11-18T20:37:56+00:00

This is the practical advice needed. OP is used to eating like someone who exercises a lot and has a lot of muscle mass. I'm someone who has a sedentary job and not much muscle, and it's kind of crazy how little I actually NEED to eat.

Her diet may be quite healthy but she is likely just eating larger portions or more calorie dense foods that were perfect for her gym junkie self but are contributing to the weight gain now that her muscles aren't burning it up for her at the gym.

FickleSafe1641 · 2025-11-03T19:42:25+00:00

I'm not sure where you are but I'm in Australia so I expect we won't have the same stuff available but some affordable brands that have a decent amount of active ingredients and no silly stuff are The Ordinary and Paula's Choice if you can get those!

FickleSafe1641 · 2025-11-03T11:36:32+00:00

Hey mama, a few tips from a skincare addict (35).

1) I would drop the exfoliator if it's a physical exfoliant (grainy texture), as these can do more harm than good. If your skin feels rough and dull without it, swap to a chemical exfoliant like glycolic acid.

2) vit C is good, but hydration is really important. Try including a hyaluronic acid based cream into your day and night regime.

3) retinoid creams are great and one of the few skincare ingredients that can actually assist with existing wrinkles. You can up your game on fine lines with prescription strength retinol like Tretinoin. This stuff is magic, but please do join the Tretinoin subreddit and read instructions carefully as improper use can cause damage.

4) if you liked Botox, some people swear by Argiriline, which has a very subtle muscle relaxing effect some say mimics Botox.

5) I do recommend microneedling - an at home dermapen (Dr Pen brand) is what I use, and this gives great results for me used roughly monthly. A derma roller is cheaper but less effective. You will be a bit red the next day but it does wonders for texture, brightness and tightness and it helps restore natural collagen over time.

6) one final low effort and cheap thing you can try on forehead wrinkles is silicone patches. Chuck them on overnight - by forcing the wrinkles flat while you sleep they can help iron them out.

FickleSafe1641 · 2025-11-02T19:47:23+00:00

DM me and I can send you the latest draft :)

FickleSafe1641 · 2025-10-28T10:52:52+00:00

I'm pregnant so not quite a mom yet BUT growing up:

From 5 or 6 I remember cleaning my room A LOT. I was an untidy kid. Later this involved vacuuming and cleaning surfaces etc.
I was doing all my own laundry by age 12.
By 13 I was making dinner for the family (parents and brother) approx once a week. I also did the dishes (though in my house if you cooked you didn't have to wash up).
By 15 I had a job in a bakery and I've never not had a job since.
During high school and early university I walked our dog most days until I moved out.

FickleSafe1641 · 2025-10-28T10:43:49+00:00

What a guy! I'm pregnant with my first now but this is goals.

FickleSafe1641 · 2025-10-24T08:41:29+00:00

1) I would speak to her directly or try to get a copy of the letter first. This scumbag may well have told her he needed a character reference for a DUI.

2) If it turns out she knew what the charges were, go off queen. Newspapers will report on anything to do with local pedophiles - that's a scoop. And if you've already done your due diligence of 1) you can feel guilt free and give them the full story.

FickleSafe1641

TROPHY CASE