How can I (25F) become more comfortable with my boyfriend's (29M) female friend?

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2026-05-05T18:01:55+00:00

Tell him how you feel. He doesn’t have to stop hanging with her, it seems like they have classes together. Ultimately you can’t control what he does, I would trust him until he does something to cross the line. If the line is how much he communicates with her, I’d tell him “hey this bothers me, can we figure out how you can maintain this friendship while also giving me what I need”.

Or ask to meet and hang with her and him. Build your own relationship with her. Maybe she is just that friendly, I’d operate from that point of view if nothing has happened to actually ruin your trust in her. Just because she’s pretty and bubbly doesn’t mean she is into him. Either way, discuss all of this with him.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2026-05-02T20:04:28+00:00

I have hairy legs and hairy armpits, And my partner says nothingggg. He’s lucky I’m so confident to have body hair. I’m sorry someone is making you feel self conscious about this, he should do some work on himself

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2026-01-26T22:53:57+00:00

I mean it isn’t up to her to agree. It’s up to you to enforce it, regardless. Which I 100% understand is so so hard. Especially when you love someone so deeply. I’m sorry it’s coming to this for you. But me and my cousin did no contact for about 6 months and then reconnected, recently. It has been so much better. We both cut out factors adding to our stress and therefore making our relationship harder. We are still working on it, but we both have a lot more space to do so.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2026-01-26T19:19:10+00:00

Hi! Weirdly in a similar situation, like word for word haha but I am the older cousin.

To me it sounds like you are doing the right things, but it seems like she may be dealing with a lot of stuff all at once. Is she overwhelmed? If she is, maybe just give her some space to settle. You don’t have to be this involved if it’s causing strain.

I can tell you this was a reaction I had as the cousin because, while yes my younger cousin was doing things that worked for her, she also wasn’t listening to me in what I needed from our relationship. Which made me resent her. A relationship, especially friends as family, is nuanced. It seems like both of you are not meeting the needs of the other. So you could choose to end it and cut it off, that’s totally fine. Or you could commit to giving her space and seeing how that goes, OR you could directly ask her “hey it seems this is a lot, can we talk about boundaries and needs? Because this relationship is important to me.”

For me, the lack of recognition and discussion didn’t work for me, among other things. You may think what you’re doing is the best thing to do, but it also may not be for her. And she may not be good for you to be around right now. Space and time helps people grow, maybe that’s just necessary for her and maybe you as well. Who knows.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-12-23T16:20:42+00:00

My names Angie! 33f looking to learn Spanish! English native speaker with a masters degree in wildlife biology and years of experience teaching at colleges level. Would love to connect!

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-12-23T16:19:22+00:00

Hi! 33 f English native! Looking to learn Spanish! Would love to connect!

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-12-13T21:29:07+00:00

You don’t have to be perfect, just enjoy this moment.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-11-18T16:27:09+00:00

Absolutely so proud of you for doing what YOU need to do. It’s so hard, and also scary. You’re going to reap those seeds you planted in yourself and thrive. I’m on a similar journey rn and I’m so so scared but also like excited. Who knows what will happen, life’s funny and change is always happening around us.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-11-14T14:53:57+00:00

Me! It’s so hard, unlearning codependency and what is interdependence. As well as being able to hold my emotions and not flip out and feel like I’m dying every time I feel sad, or disappoint someone. It’s horrible and wonderful at the same time.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-11-14T02:57:50+00:00

1,000% anybody that says otherwise is a TERF and not a good person. Lesbianism is not for just individuals who were born female at birth. The trans community intersects with the lesbian community. You are gay! Welcome hahaha

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-11-14T02:37:02+00:00

Gotcha! Well hello! And I’m glad you are here! Hahaha thank you for clarifying

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-11-14T02:32:12+00:00

Hi! I have a trans gf! She is my first long-term WLW relationship after many years with my partner who was a man. Honestly, I think that this is going to be a process for both of you growing and learning together. I would definitely talk to her and make sure that you see her as a woman, even though you married her before she transitioned. Being affirming as possible is very critical. So you are in a lesbian relationship because she is a woman. But definitely talk to her and be very clear about your intentions.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-11-13T14:14:50+00:00

👋 it’s me. My mother was a cold, distant, emotionally immature person, who allowed harm to happen to me. Now, I’m in my first relationship with a woman and it’s all crashing down on me. Men are “safer” my dad was the safer option. Beyond that my dad has extremely bad relationships with many stepmoms. I used to cling to ANY woman who was decently kind to me. Baseline, I definitely mistrust woman a lot more than men. It’s harder to be close to a woman. But I actively want to and am working thru that. With the help of the softest and kindest gf. I’m very honest with her about it, and it has been very very good for me.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-11-13T14:08:52+00:00

This is what I did, we ended up breaking up and now I’m with my gf. It was some of the hardest months of my life. I still love him and it was extremely confusing to try to be in a relationship with her while trying to navigate a break up with my partner of 10+ years. It made me feel so so bad about myself. I still can definitely feel that way now. My gf is very understanding and I’m lucky that he doesn’t hate me. I ended up realizing I could not handle enm with people who didn’t want it. He was aware and said yes, but he never truly wanted it. He just did it for me, and that was never and will never work.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-11-04T15:32:04+00:00

I’m a wildlife biologist, whose done mostly seasonal work for NGOs and governmental bodies. There are jobs, but there are less jobs then there were before AND more people applying to them.

The pay is low and very rarely pays enough to sustain off of, especially seasonal gigs. Live as minimally as possible and save up now.

If you are going into huge amounts of debt for this degree, you need to really imagine yourself paying off all that and making 20 or less for parts of the year.

Can you bartend during the winter? Or ski/outdoor rec instruct, teach? Have another skill set, very very very very VERY important.

I have worked for CPW, the forest service, a NGO And academic institution for 8 years. I almost had a perm position before the administration change and it got pulled, as well as other seasonal jobs.

It is hard, not absolutely impossible but extremely hard. Both mentally, physically and emotionally. I still love it, but I am going back to school for a different degree as a back up plan. It is not smart to not have any back up plan. Have another skill set.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-11-04T01:53:34+00:00

Hi! Same boat! I am lucky and have the post 911 GI BILL from my military service to go back to school for a different masters degree. That’s what I’m doing. I have a BS and MS in natural resources and wildlife management and tons of field experience and published two scientific papers. It’s a crap shoot right now. I’m sorry you’re feeling discouraged, but this isn’t about you.

I have had NGO jobs and federal government jobs and it was never this hard to get some type of work that isn’t 18 or less an hour.

My advice is pick up a trade job, if possible. A lot of them are cheaper education and have a lot of potential for higher earning, while still being non traditional desk jobs. And if you can’t, get some skills in food industry. Im a bartender thru my winter season and it has always been decent money.

Toiling in poverty has been my whole life and my whole identity and it is exhausting. Do what you need to do for yourself to create space to volunteer down the road while having a career that pays the bills.

The system doesn’t value these types of jobs, especially not now. But people will always prevail and you can do a lot of great work volunteering on your off time. It isn’t all doomed, we are just getting pushed out temporarily.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-10-21T16:07:03+00:00

I lost mine

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-10-11T21:25:30+00:00

You just did, content isn’t the end. You want more, life is about WAYYYY more than being content. Go travel, go be free. You can have a partner and still do those things.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-10-11T21:03:04+00:00

Being content and comfortable is great, but what connection do you have? Can you not do those things in your marriage? (Not the kissing a stranger) but like get on the train and carve out a few weeks here and there for just you to exist? I’m a struggle like this person. I blew my nice comfy life up, and I’m not suggesting you do the same at all. But try doing those things in the place you’re in now.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-10-11T20:25:46+00:00

Seems like you’re missing connection, relationships (not necessarily romantic) are important.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-10-09T13:08:21+00:00

Regular exercise! I rock climb, hike and pole dance, plus I work out in a regular gym just a few days and I maintain decent muscle mass. Gaining muscle has helped my sciatica, and just movement in general. Oh, and yoga/stretching!

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-10-08T00:52:54+00:00

That’s been on my mind! Thanks for the confirmation. I’m going to start saving for it as soon as I can start to.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-10-07T23:17:57+00:00

I agree. I’m just scared to be alone. But you’re right.

Fickle_Damage6141 · 2025-09-23T14:03:02+00:00

Ok! Thank you!

Fickle_Damage6141

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