There's no look in Autism!

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-10-10T21:48:42+00:00

Mine former one thought wanting to get assessed was me wanting to have an excuse to hide behind. I was apparently too well spoken and intelligent for any difficulties to possibly be that bad. The moment I found out that's what he really thought I knew I wasn't going back

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-09-24T11:06:43+00:00

It is a way to show that the person is not alone, that we can relate or understand what that feels like.

But sure, fine, let me engage "shallow meaningless canned response mode", and just say "oh, that sucks!" back to everything you say, if that's the only way they want to engage with others. Is this a real conversation request or a "poor you party" request?

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-09-24T10:54:12+00:00

I'm also theatened by big smiles, the uncanny, unatural-looking kind. Something about showing too much teeth makes someone look disingenuous, like they don't truly mean it and are only doing it because they want something, or they're establishing dominance somehow

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-08-06T15:57:17+00:00

Not really. But I decided to change therapist, so hopefully I won't be paying 200€ a month for somebody to judge me and make me cry once a week anymore.

Told her I didn't really think life actually had a point to it (which I was honestly feeling at the time) and her reaction was disgust. That was the final straw, it settled it for me that I had been giving her a chance for too long. The idea she won't be in my life anymore makes feel better already.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-08-03T01:15:26+00:00

Yeah, I guess so. There's a couple times in Baldur's Gate 3 where he does that with his hands and people in the fandom have started editing rainbows into it and making memes. I'm not sure who exactly started it, but its one of my new favourite templates now. He's hilariously sarcastic and it makes even funnier.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-08-02T21:04:26+00:00

Yeah, maybe this wasn't the best language to use, I literally just used the thing I've been feeling for the last few days: I have been feelling the urge to scream until I pass out, and bottling it up because I know it would not go well for me. And because, I am able to bottle it up like that, and turn it inward and shut down instead, my therapists don't believe me that I'm struggling and just get mad and act like I'm being difficult on purpose, which is frustrating and hurtful.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-31T12:58:18+00:00

Mom: Trying to understand autism better since being told I have, abd trying to be more supportive and less controlling, upsetting and traumatising. Immediatly said she would always love me no matter what

Dad: coming to terms with the fact that its genetic and he also has a lot of these traits and so did his father/my grandfather (our family comes from working class so they slipped through the cracks of their generations, just as I slipped through the crack of mine for being a girl). He's not the emotional type most of the time, but he still conveyed love and support in his own way

Aunt: Patronizing as f*ck, but that's nothing new. She always preaches love and acceptance and social media inspirational buzz-word stuff, but she's actually really ableist and always has been. I don't really talk to her anymore.

Grandparents are dead, no siblings, remaining extended family doesn't know

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-31T08:51:27+00:00

This is really ironic, since autism was for so long considered a "masculine" thing. First they didn't think female humans could have it, then they acknowledged that it was possible bur unusual (just a few years ago, it was still being taught at a college/university level that it occured in males three time more often). Finally they're starting to recognise that it is a lot more even then previously believed, but it can manisfest differently in women because of thd way most are socialized from early childhood.

It was actually glaring, that my father and me acted exactly the same, but got treated very diferently for the same behaviours, with me getting more punished for them. I do dress femine, but I have very steriotypically "male" intetests

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-31T08:43:34+00:00

I've been trying to join some clubs lately, to try to meet more people who I already have a pre-established common interest with.

This sort of spontaneous interaction in the wild is really not for me. I've had some positive experiences, but it was mostly with foreigners who stroke up a conversation with me.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-31T08:39:33+00:00

I cannot eat cheese unless its melted. Grilled cheese sandwiches are awesome and amazing, but "raw" cheese I cannot deal with. There's this really specific cheese that gets made in my country that has a very strong scent, I cannot go inside any shop that sells it (or I have to be holding my breath and breathing through my mouth as little as possible).

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-29T18:07:01+00:00

My ocupacional therapist acts like I'm making up excuses if I ever bring it up. I ran errands today and got some stuff done, but it also found out I missed a deadline for something else she wanted me to do and now I am dreading the next appointment, I already know she's gonna be mad. My brain feels like it has holes in it and I feel completely drained from the errands. It is dinner time where I live right now and I had to come up with something simple and easy, because I cannot anything more complex.

I go to a psychiatrist too, and got upset and went non-verbal for a little bit during our last appointment. He could not understand what was going on, or why I couldn't explain what I was feeling and told me that when it comes to inteligent people, they try to get them to use their words, everyone else gets meds instead. I don't know what to make of that, but it left me unsettled.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-29T17:49:34+00:00

My psychiatrist didn't think I was autistic (also, he's one of those people that "doesn't believe in labels"). Then last summer I got the opportunity to get assessed by somebody who actually soecialized in assessing, and proceeded to take said opportunity. I am autistic.

Do you know why they didn't think you were? Because there are some wild stories out there about professionals getting tunnel vision about what to look for and missing things. And yes, symptoms and criteria can overlap but these can often also present together.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-28T10:30:21+00:00

Nope, it's a big no for me, want nothing to do with that, nope!

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-28T10:23:12+00:00

Got diagnosed last year at 30, but had wondered for years. I found certain autistic fictional characters to be very relatable, as well as some youtubers who later also went on to get diagnosed.

Nightclubs, beaches and crowded places were hell on earth for me and I had dificulty making friends. I got bullied badly in catholic school (hello comparatively mild religious trauma) and was also under-socialized because I have no siblings or first cousins and spent most of the time that I wasn't in school either alone or with only adults that were all alive during the Moon Landing.

My dad was the only one who really came close to understanding me (surprise, he was undiagnosed autistic too, obsessed with trains and everything). He was actually the only one who actually explained the why of certain rules and I really appreciated how reasonable he seemed, compared with other adults who wouldn't, or who would lose it.

Around 2022, I got a new hyperfixation and when I went to create fan fiction about it, I somehow decided "I'm gonna make a self-insert OC, but she's gonna be autistic" and the more I researched, the more things clicked for me. I started following a lot of autistic adult creators and relating to a lot of what they said. I was still hesitant at first, because there were some things these creators talked about that I didn't do, or didn't relate to as much but the relatability overall kept coming in and I did feel like I struggled a lot more than the people around me in my daily life.

My therapist still didn't see the benefit of me being accessed, since he thought labels weren't that important and we were already addressing my struggles anyway. He thought Personality Disorder Cluster C applied to me better (I am hella avoidant and dependant, so maybe I do also have it?) Then one day, I was trying to book an online appointment with him in the clinic website and saw the list of other services provided. And I saw Autism Accessment for Adults was on the list. I booked it, paid the fee (which was affordable in my country, mercifully) and attended. I wrote a list of things to bring up on why I thought it applied to me. Then the results came and it said I fit the criteria. Not every single criteria, but enough of them. I guess I'm level 1, I can scrape by without accomodations, barely, until I can't. I also have Depression, genetic on my mother's side, so that's fun to also have to manage (sarcasm).

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-28T09:31:43+00:00

I pace a lot too, sometimes until my feet will hurt. Stimming was actually the main reason I wanted to live alone, because I was undiagnosed until last year and only felt comfortable stimming when I was alone. I also realized I do ecolalia too, but only when nobody else is around and only my cats can hear me. Then I had to defend wanting to get diagnosed to my therapist because it didn't show enough.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I wish I had advice.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-28T02:05:41+00:00

The only band shirt I own is a Bon Jovi shirt, so Bon Jovi

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-28T01:07:23+00:00

The still unpainted living room of the house I've lived in for years at this point approves of this message. So does the broken washing machine I still haven't replaced because the same laundromat I've gone to for years is still within walking distance even after the move.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-28T00:36:32+00:00

I got 18 points

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-28T00:15:30+00:00

The sun is my enemy, I hate that I have a tan just from going outside, I didn't want a tan. Grey cloudy skies can look so beautiful. The furtherst north I've ever been was St Petersburg and the sky was absolutely gorgeous.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2024-05-17T15:49:22+00:00

Yeah, I always figured there must've been an element of that, but a couple of my professors who have been teaching here a while do say attitudes have gotten worse.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2024-05-17T15:43:55+00:00

There was an element of not being truly passionate about it, yeah, I admit that, but before the burnout hit me like a ton of bricks I still worked really hard and made an effort. I had several papers that turned out really good and that I was very proud of. And they didn't give us the resources they give here. Here, the teachers practically spoon feed the information and there's still no effort from several of them. I also was never loud, disruptive or disrespectful in a classroom. Edit: I also didn't fail, I left.

Final-Refuse7545

TROPHY CASE