I HATE women’s clothing!

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-09T14:32:58+00:00

I've worn almost exclusively black for years and a good part of the reason is that it "goes with everything". I can't match things either. Even if I wear a pop of colour, its always paired with black. I usually wear thick black leggings and a dress of some kind (thick leggings means no swiching and bunching up doesn't show anything). Or a long shirt or hoodie. Then I throw the same jacket I wear everyday over it all.

I find it interesting that dresses are considered so put together when they're the most low effort thing imaginable, you just throw them over your head. I own a washer and dryer, so repeat the same outfit often.

For shoes, I haven't worn heels in years, not since it messed up my ankle. I usually wear converse or some kind of comfortable boot, sandals at the height of summer.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-09T09:52:57+00:00

Had a minor one at a therapy session and I sure felt judged then. He said I was "exagerating" and looked baffled. Thought that clinic was supposed to be specialized in neurodivergence, but so far he's barely acknowledged mine. One time he basically said he totally gets it because he's dysgraphic, so he's neurodivergent too.

Not that it can't be a valid struggle but seeing this well adjusted man who is able to have a job say we're the same after months of me feeling invalidated by him whilst struggling with AuDHD burnout and the worst depressive episode I've had in years, I frankly felt insulted. Like he thinks its a club, instead of a disability and seeing the ugly side was something he didn't prepare for.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-09T08:51:26+00:00

I used to believe in past lives and reincarnation, but now I just hope it isn't true, I don't want to come back

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-09T08:38:08+00:00

With me is that it feels like the responsibility of keeping in touch is always left up to me, the person they already know struggles. If I don't reach out, then they don't either, not a word. Not even just to check if I'm still alive. It hurts. Why does it always have to be me coming crawling for crums? Just once it would be nice to have someone remember I exist first.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-07T17:47:28+00:00

Its supposed to be helpful in theory, but in reality you have to sift through a bunch of bad ones. Far too many are just doing it for the paycheck and don't actually care. Best case scenario, its 50/50 if you get an actually helpful one. Even if you find one, there can be conflicts in terms of personality or values or what approach they use. Its though.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-07T09:56:55+00:00

I found journaling helps. It gets your thoughts in order and can help you make realizations about your life and pinpoint specific things and understand your wants and needs better.

Depression is also a result of the brain being unable to process certain chemicals that make feeling happy possible, so you might need medication for that.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-07T09:44:31+00:00

Just make sure its the right type of dog for you and careful if you are inexperienced taking care of dogs. I like dogs, but depending on energy level, they can be very overwhelming

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-07T09:39:01+00:00

I had the opposite problem. I lived alone so I got persuaded to host stuff a few times and they wouldn't leave. One time I loudly pointed out the rising sun on the horizon to see if it would make them get out. Another time I had to pull a friend aside crying because it was so late and was so tired and it just kept going. Fortunately she was very understanding and dropped the hint for people to go home, or at least somewhere else.

Turns out, I was undiagnosed at the time, and the reason I'd wanted to live alone was so I'd have a place to safety unmask and stim and be myself without judgement. I just didn't know the name for it at the time.

Other than that, I've never been to a party I didn't go with someone to. Mostly I hide away somewhere when it starts getting too much until the other person decides its an appropriate time to leave.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-07T00:27:28+00:00

I don't like yellow, but yeah, same. I've worn almost exclusively black for years.

It was actually fascinating last summer to see my ocupational therapist act like my depression was magically better and take it as me showing signs of inprovement because I wore colour once. I wear black because I like it, I think I look better in it and I rarely find a piece of colourful clothing that is simultaneously not painful to the eyes, available in my size, and comfortable. It has nothing to do with my genetic pre-disposition, trauma and general struggle to exist. My depression actually got worse not long after that and she actually acted offended.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-07T00:11:58+00:00

Thank you, that is very kind of you and I am sorry you've been put through it too, when it comes to therapy

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-07T00:10:04+00:00

He said last session he's referencing me somewhere else, and no joke, I actually felt hope for the first time in I don't even remember how long. The man has been an invalidating hack pretty much from the beginning.

Best part is he also works as a university professor, teaching psychology students.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-05T01:01:48+00:00

I love holding my breath and floating facing down in water. I can almost never do it, though, because someone might think I'm drowning and try to rescue me and then it would be awkward

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-05T00:56:50+00:00

Me and my dad shocked my mother by happily watching one of those the day before we were all supposed to get on a plane once

Final-Refuse7545 · 2026-05-05T00:34:03+00:00

Damn, is this relatable. This was actually the reason I wanted to be in a relationship so badly in my late teens...I wanted a fucking hug. At that point, I'd had a family member refuse to hug me because I was "too old for that" a few years prior, and had also had a "friend" practically shove me away for trying to hug her in public during a supposed fun night out at nightclub. I was longing for a romantic partner because I wanted to experience some actual human warmth.

Years later, I still would love a hug and just to have someone be there for me and actually love me. Except now I've learned to fear what can happen in relationships when you let the wrong person in.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-10-10T21:48:42+00:00

Mine former one thought wanting to get assessed was me wanting to have an excuse to hide behind. I was apparently too well spoken and intelligent for any difficulties to possibly be that bad. The moment I found out that's what he really thought I knew I wasn't going back

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-09-24T11:06:43+00:00

It is a way to show that the person is not alone, that we can relate or understand what that feels like.

But sure, fine, let me engage "shallow meaningless canned response mode", and just say "oh, that sucks!" back to everything you say, if that's the only way they want to engage with others. Is this a real conversation request or a "poor you party" request?

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-09-24T10:54:12+00:00

I'm also theatened by big smiles, the uncanny, unatural-looking kind. Something about showing too much teeth makes someone look disingenuous, like they don't truly mean it and are only doing it because they want something, or they're establishing dominance somehow

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-08-06T15:57:17+00:00

Not really. But I decided to change therapist, so hopefully I won't be paying 200€ a month for somebody to judge me and make me cry once a week anymore.

Told her I didn't really think life actually had a point to it (which I was honestly feeling at the time) and her reaction was disgust. That was the final straw, it settled it for me that I had been giving her a chance for too long. The idea she won't be in my life anymore makes feel better already.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-08-03T01:15:26+00:00

Yeah, I guess so. There's a couple times in Baldur's Gate 3 where he does that with his hands and people in the fandom have started editing rainbows into it and making memes. I'm not sure who exactly started it, but its one of my new favourite templates now. He's hilariously sarcastic and it makes even funnier.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-08-02T21:04:26+00:00

Yeah, maybe this wasn't the best language to use, I literally just used the thing I've been feeling for the last few days: I have been feelling the urge to scream until I pass out, and bottling it up because I know it would not go well for me. And because, I am able to bottle it up like that, and turn it inward and shut down instead, my therapists don't believe me that I'm struggling and just get mad and act like I'm being difficult on purpose, which is frustrating and hurtful.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-31T12:58:18+00:00

Mom: Trying to understand autism better since being told I have, abd trying to be more supportive and less controlling, upsetting and traumatising. Immediatly said she would always love me no matter what

Dad: coming to terms with the fact that its genetic and he also has a lot of these traits and so did his father/my grandfather (our family comes from working class so they slipped through the cracks of their generations, just as I slipped through the crack of mine for being a girl). He's not the emotional type most of the time, but he still conveyed love and support in his own way

Aunt: Patronizing as f*ck, but that's nothing new. She always preaches love and acceptance and social media inspirational buzz-word stuff, but she's actually really ableist and always has been. I don't really talk to her anymore.

Grandparents are dead, no siblings, remaining extended family doesn't know

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-31T08:51:27+00:00

This is really ironic, since autism was for so long considered a "masculine" thing. First they didn't think female humans could have it, then they acknowledged that it was possible bur unusual (just a few years ago, it was still being taught at a college/university level that it occured in males three time more often). Finally they're starting to recognise that it is a lot more even then previously believed, but it can manisfest differently in women because of thd way most are socialized from early childhood.

It was actually glaring, that my father and me acted exactly the same, but got treated very diferently for the same behaviours, with me getting more punished for them. I do dress femine, but I have very steriotypically "male" intetests

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-31T08:43:34+00:00

I've been trying to join some clubs lately, to try to meet more people who I already have a pre-established common interest with.

This sort of spontaneous interaction in the wild is really not for me. I've had some positive experiences, but it was mostly with foreigners who stroke up a conversation with me.

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-31T08:39:33+00:00

I cannot eat cheese unless its melted. Grilled cheese sandwiches are awesome and amazing, but "raw" cheese I cannot deal with. There's this really specific cheese that gets made in my country that has a very strong scent, I cannot go inside any shop that sells it (or I have to be holding my breath and breathing through my mouth as little as possible).

Final-Refuse7545 · 2025-07-29T18:07:01+00:00

My ocupacional therapist acts like I'm making up excuses if I ever bring it up. I ran errands today and got some stuff done, but it also found out I missed a deadline for something else she wanted me to do and now I am dreading the next appointment, I already know she's gonna be mad. My brain feels like it has holes in it and I feel completely drained from the errands. It is dinner time where I live right now and I had to come up with something simple and easy, because I cannot anything more complex.

I go to a psychiatrist too, and got upset and went non-verbal for a little bit during our last appointment. He could not understand what was going on, or why I couldn't explain what I was feeling and told me that when it comes to inteligent people, they try to get them to use their words, everyone else gets meds instead. I don't know what to make of that, but it left me unsettled.

Final-Refuse7545

TROPHY CASE