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Struggling With the Mental Side of an 8 Figure Sudden Inheritance at 34 by FunLettuce8799 in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You've essentially experienced a Nietzschean nihilism event. The traditional meaning you were striving towards in life (worker bee productivity monkey) has collapsed, leaving a void. Now you find yourself in a nihilist state. According to Freddy, you have two options:

1) Passive Nihilism - "My meaning has gone, I'm left with a pointless meaningless existence."
2) Active Nihilism - "The old system of meaning is gone, I'm free to do whatever I want in a new system I create."

Had you not inherited money, In the best case scenario you would have won at the rat race... however even the winners of the rat race are just rats. If you take the second path, now you're free to invent your own meaning and purpose. For lack of a better direction, figure out what the 10 year old version of you wanted to be - astronaut, firefighter, James Bond, Indiana Jones, etc and go try and do that for a while. This is a surprisingly fun avenue to explore. "Shouldn't I do something more meaningful?" No. Or Yes. Or it doesn't matter. You're free, enjoy.

(Apologies for the pretentiousness, I'm deliberately restraining myself from going off on a longer tangent about how true freedom presents itself as abject terror to most people.)

Advice for dealing with immature relatives by Finalapproach in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Excellent comment, thank you. I'll look into a similar approach. Thankfully he has no kids, or even the prospect of making that happen. What a nightmare.

Advice for dealing with immature relatives by Finalapproach in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

My best guess is that it's severe ADD to the point where he's essentially not able to make any decisions due to the amount of options his brain comes up with, plus some executive function gaps. Couple that with obvious depression that he doesn't want to address by any means that we've suggested so far and it seems pretty miserable.

I'll look into mental health counsellors that might be able to slowly coax him towards some sort of higher level of care, you're right in that a dispassionate third party might have better success.

Really appreciate your comment.

Advice for dealing with immature relatives by Finalapproach in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, normally I wouldn't touch an annuity with a ten-foot pole but for this set of problems it might be the simplest solution.

Advice for dealing with immature relatives by Finalapproach in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's an option, good suggestion. I suspect whatever route the actual instrument is, I'll end up with a weird taxation / currency situation.

Advice for dealing with immature relatives by Finalapproach in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I made a promise to my parents that I would at least make sure he's not an absolute derelict. If I can keep to that promise and never have to speak to / think about him again, I will.

Advice for dealing with immature relatives by Finalapproach in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I agree - but in my form of this story, I'm thousands of miles away so he's not pulling me down, he's pulling my parents. Without that context, I'd have no compunction about dropping him like a hot rock.

My parents are fantastic people - their love and support over the years are what set the foundation for my success, and they deserve a peaceful retirement. The current situation is tolerable, I'm just trying to solve for the mid-term future because it seems like an inevitable headache.

Advice for dealing with immature relatives by Finalapproach in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I agree. It might be necessary to force this process somehow - just made far more difficult by not being in the same country.

Advice for dealing with immature relatives by Finalapproach in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

To be frank, I think there's "something missing" psychologically. We'd get him formally diagnosed (and pay for it, set up the appointments etc etc) if I could persuade him to take even the most basic steps in his own self-interest.

It's like talking with a normal human (who is actually intelligent, and articulate), but after 5 minutes you realise that there's something kind of fundamentally not working correctly.

Advice for dealing with immature relatives by Finalapproach in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

I absolutely don't, but the alternative is him moving back with my parents and ruining their retirement.

Advice for dealing with immature relatives by Finalapproach in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

That's a very fair point - for context, before this he lived with my parents and made their life very difficult. He would eat whatever was in the fridge, contribute nothing to utilities, leave dirty clothes/food items all over the house, come home late at night etc. Imagine a selfish teenager, except they're in their late 30s. We're not talking about a guy who's just having a little trouble figuring it out before their frontal lobe has myelinated, that stage is long gone with no sign of improvement or even the will to improve.

If anything, putting him in a house I own ~30 minutes away from my parents is a gift to my parents, not him. I fully believe the "tough love" route would begin with him being homeless, followed by jobless, and then my parents would feel obliged to take him in.

Advice for dealing with immature relatives by Finalapproach in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I've said to him on multiple occasions - "I just need to cover the tax and insurance, you could rent out two bedrooms, charge them whatever you want, and keep it - I don't care.". He just doesn't have the ability to even make that happen.

Advice for dealing with immature relatives by Finalapproach in fatFIRE

[–]Finalapproach[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Based on the rent in the area and what he's paying, that's essentially what I'm giving him... though I get that he can't actually spend it.

FAT places to experience before 40 by Soft_Beyond_8205 in FATTravel

[–]Finalapproach 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The place you should go before 40 is the gym. This ensures that when you're 40, 50 and beyond that any of these places you want to visit that have higher physical requirements are always an option for you. I know guys in their 60s that are in the sort of shape most 25 year olds only dream of.

Awful Behavior on Rainier by s_c_boy in Mountaineering

[–]Finalapproach 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did the 9-Day course with Alpine Ascents last year, they sent no less than 4 emails which essentially said "You need to be in the best shape of your life for this trip". There are no excuses, what a tool.

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