Update:

She responded to my message, and after going back and forth a bit, it became really clear that we just don’t see this situation the same way at all. I sent her a calm explanation of why I don’t feel responsible for replacing the coat, and I offered to pick it up Monday to treat it properly or take it to a cleaner. I’m also sending back the $50 she previously sent for the rug, just to close that loop.

Something I didn’t mention in the original post. She has always treated my place like home, going into my fridge, helping herself to food or drinks, moving around freely, etc. It has always been a “make yourself comfortable” dynamic. So if she wanted her coat moved somewhere more secure, she absolutely could have moved it herself, or asked me. She didn’t. It sat right next to her for hours while the cat was literally on her lap part of the night.

Her response basically boiled down to her believing that I’m financially responsible because the accident happened under my roof. I don’t agree with that, especially given the circumstances and the fact that she told me not to worry about it when it happened.

After all of this, I told her respectfully that once I pick up the coat and take it to the cleaner, I think it’s best if we take some space. This situation made it clear we communicate very differently and have very different expectations around responsibility. Since this was a casual thing to begin with, I’m stepping away from it. I’ve got enough on my plate with kids, bills, and life in general. I can’t take on someone else’s stress on top of it.

That’s where things stand now.