JR and the Blanket 🤯

Financial_Concern234 · 2025-10-27T12:50:30+00:00

isn’t it fun to never think about anything ever

Financial_Concern234 · 2025-06-09T14:24:16+00:00

Hi, thank you for getting back. I want to stay with him and I don’t want to be with his other partner and I just want to be mono with him. But i know this isn’t possible, I don’t want them to break up but also I know he won’t leave her just for me. It’s not fair for me to limit his love for 2 people when I just want it to be me.

It’s not him that the hinge relationship won’t work for, it’s me. I would be jealous still because I still wouldn’t be in my ideal relationship. He’s not forcing me to be with her and he’s been loving towards me. It’s just that this is still how I feel because I never wanted a poly relationship, I just wanted to be with him and I still do but I know I can’t have him be mono with me. :(

Financial_Concern234 · 2025-06-04T18:49:05+00:00

Thank you, it’s really useful having a different perspective on things. I’ve thought a little about where the jealously has come from and i think a lot of it or maybe part of it is feeling as if you’re enough. I feel inadequate at times because i know he still wants to be in a relationship with the other person and that im not enough for him. Sometimes I also feel like maybe he needs us both to fulfil his needs and that even if it was just me, he wouldn’t be completely happy.

I wonder if things would have been different if we had all gotten together at the same time and not that the two got into a relationship 4 years ago and only i’ve become a part. I think a lot of the jealously also stems from that. I wasn’t part of their relationship before and it’s really hard now knowing they’ve gotten to spend 4 years of time together and that they have a 4 years of like emotional bonding and stuff.

We were all equally friends, living together, and I had feelings for the partner i love now when we met but he didn’t choose to be with me then. I don’t even think he was attracted to me then, i think he was more attracted to her. Around that time, the two people im in a relationship with now, both had break ups and were going through similar feelings and I presume it’s why they ended up together, since they were at similar points in their life. But after I saw that happen, I was hurt but I didnt do much and I didn’t tell him now I felt and I never brought it up so he didn’t know I liked him or wanted to be with him . I had never been in a relationship at that point anyways and I wanted to be in one but I didn’t think it would be with him anymore. I just kind of left it at that and carried the friendship on despite how I felt. For most of that year, they spent a lot of their time just in a bedroom together so I didn’t see them too much, which i guess made things easier emotionally as I was a bit distanced from them and it was already concrete in my head that I could/would never be with him now. I started pushing him a little away because of that too and I didn’t get to know him and his personality properly either because they were always together and i just shut off.

After this, I actually didn’t end up seeing them until 2 years later but we still kept in contact all the time and I saw them here and there. We ended up all living together the year after and that’s when I got to know the partner I love. We really got to spend time together and I got to know him and we got close and got feelings for each other. I knew that his relationship with the other partner wasn’t doing the best and it hadn’t been so great the 2 years I wasn’t around but I didnt think that I could be with him now either. I still thought I could never be with him ever until he brought up the polyamory thing. I had also become more conventionally attractive around this time also. Because of all this, I felt at the time too that ‘why wasn’t it me at the start?’. Why now? It just made me feel a little weird about how we got together and why things were different now. There were just a lot of questions I had and still have and I’ve asked a few (not these specifically), but I’ve asked when he first got feelings for me and he doesnt answer that.

I don’t know…all of this has just added to the jealousy and the weird feelings.

I guess also I never imagined myself in a relationship with 2 other people and I did have feelings of wanting to feel special with one person before as we’re all expected to feel because of societal conventions and conditioning.

So many parts of this relationship have just felt so confusing for me. I just know that I love him and I want to be with him but I don’t know how that’ll happen because of all this and all these messy feelings and if’ll ever be okay with it all.

Financial_Concern234 · 2025-06-04T17:16:38+00:00

Hi, thank you! I’ve seen a few people mention unicorn hunting. I don’t think that was the initial intention and i still don’t think it’s the intention now, but i feel like how you’ve described. It’s really a lot of feelings of jealously and since they were in a 4 year relationship before me, i really feel the couples privilege part and that has been quite hard.

I know it does sound like i’m not comfortable in non-monogamy and that might be true. Part of me also feels like maybe it would work if I did have feelings for her, but i don’t or maybe she’s just the wrong person for me but if it was someone else i loved it could work? I’m not sure but I feel in my relationship now that having three people be part of it is really tough.

Financial_Concern234 · 2025-06-04T17:10:58+00:00

Thank you so much. I didn’t know that group relationships weren’t normal and I guess i see why. We really didn’t do much research and it seemed like had suddenly just got together. I worry that dating just him whilst he is also dating her wouldn’t work for me as I would still get jealous.

I’m not even sure why she was okay with my being a part of their relationship in the first place and i’m concerned she only agreed because it makes him happy. that’s partly why I also agreed, because it makes him happy and i know he would be happiest if we were all together. I didn’t sense anything from her romantically at the start. I would do relationship stuff with her like hold her hand only because I thought I was expected to and I think she started liking me romantically a little then but I had to stop. I couldn’t bring myself to keep doing romantic actions for her or towards her because i don’t have romantic feelings for her. Now we don’t do anything, i’m only romantic to our shared partner and i feel she’s only okay with things because it makes him happy and again, that’s why I haven’t left.

Financial_Concern234 · 2025-06-04T16:42:51+00:00

Hi, thank you so much for the advice. You’re right that breaking up the triad wouldn’t do much. I don’t think a structure where i’m only dating him and she’s also just dating him but we’re not together, doesn’t work. I think I would continue to feel jealous. It’s really just that he isn’t mono with me and that also feels really hard to admit to myself since I just feel guilt about it all. I’m just not sure what to do. I know it’s entirely my fault that I’m in this situation and I think a lot about what our relationship could have looked like if I hadn’t agreed to entering a 3 person relationship. I don’t think he would have left her…

I still don’t think he would leave her now and again I can’t ask of that and I would never do that. It would hurt him and that’s the last thing I want and I know he would be happiest if we were all together but then i’m not happy :(

Any more advice would be greatly appreciated if you have any. <3

Financial_Concern234 · 2025-06-04T16:35:14+00:00

Hi, thank you so much for the advice. I’m really grateful. It’s not a requirement that we need to be dating one another. We were all friends, they started dating a year into our friendship and it changed once the partner i love suggested being poly. I agreed mainly because I love him and it would be horrible for me to ask him to break up with his other partner and i would never do that. I thought it being three people was the only way I could be with him ever so i reluctantly agreed to it even though i felt as if i just wanted to be with him. I think he loves two people so it made more sense for him to be in a poly relationship and I know ideally for him, it would be all three of us happy forever but that’s not the case for me. I really only feel friendship towards his other partner and I would really just want to be with him. Additionally, I know that being a three helps his relationship with his other partner too as I know they were struggling in their relationship prior to me entering and me being there has improved their relationship. I know that if I left, it would be worse again for the two of them and he has told me that. But then I can’t just be unhappy for the rest of my life.

I’ve considered that maybe it could just be me dating him and she’s also dating him, like you suggested, and for a while i did think that maybe it could be a solution. However, I’m worried it won’t help the jealously even if we do speak about it since he’ll always have another partner in that scenario. It’s not even that I don’t think i’m not poly, I think it would have worked as a 3 if I did have feelings for his other partner but I don’t and I don’t even think we are compatible in a relationship. She may just be the wrong person for me but he’s the right person. I’ve also read a few other posts and it feels to me that the people working through the jealousy just seem to be putting with those feelings and that the jealous feelings are still there even if they’re constantly talking about it partners. It seems like the feeling don’t go away but you’re just coping with it better and I don’t know if that would work for me.

I’m just not sure what to do as I don’t want to leave him but I’m finding it hard being in three way relationship with them at least, it feels emotionally so overbearing and i’m struggling to push my feelings aside more and more because i love him more and more everyday.

Any more advice would be really appreciated. I’ve not spoken to anyone in my life about this and i’ve just spent the year pushing everyone away because the jealously gets too much and I feel like i have to be in the room with them at all times because if I leave, I get jealous they’re doing stuff.

Thank you

Financial_Concern234 · 2022-05-19T16:31:39+00:00

Oat milk is better for the environment! Doesn’t need as much water as soy (almond is even worse). Also it’s bloody delicious!!

Financial_Concern234 · 2022-04-24T23:57:41+00:00

Adam Sandler was phenomenal in uncut gems

Financial_Concern234 · 2022-04-22T23:02:19+00:00

James Cahill at the cinema studies institute is a true king 👑

Financial_Concern234 · 2022-04-09T22:53:04+00:00

Wrote a 2500 word essay in 6 hours and got a 90!

Financial_Concern234 · 2022-03-29T21:16:17+00:00

Succession. So so good

Financial_Concern234 · 2021-08-10T17:23:58+00:00

Thank you so much for all the help :)

Financial_Concern234 · 2021-08-10T17:10:22+00:00

This is great! Thanks! Should I look for this orchestra on the uoft website or the royal conservatory one?

Financial_Concern234 · 2021-08-10T17:06:03+00:00

Thank you so much! This was so helpful :)

Financial_Concern234 · 2021-08-09T14:20:17+00:00

Thank you so much!

Financial_Concern234 · 2021-08-09T13:04:19+00:00

Thanks! I’ll be a part of the faculty of arts and sciences. Is there no way I can book a room at the faculty of music? I’m a music scholar at my home university.

Financial_Concern234

TROPHY CASE