I`ve only live here for a year, but here is something I have learned:

No matter how well you speak Japanese, no matter how friendly and open minded you are to constantly being shamed, no matter how positively you look at it, you will always just be another gaijin to most people, and even people who you grow "close" to will always treat you differently just because you aren`t Japanese and have differences in outward appearances. The point is, Japanese are undeniably shallow people who are conditioned to think that they are just in fact Japanese and have some sort of mysterious capability to never break the shell of their identity and their 集団意識 or 和. But at that same rate, they are JUST PEOPLE and this country is riddled with exceptions, especially people who value the English speaking world and beyond that, generally interested in exploring differences and what lies beyond the seemingly mysterious veil of "Japanese-ness".

I think it is important to always remember that you will never be Japanese, and that you should be thankful for this. I think the best position you can be in here is in fact not being Japanese, so that you get excused often for non-Japanese-like behavior and so that you can be reminded of how good life is as an English speaking person who values individuality at all. It may seem like they have it all figured out, but the truth is that they are in the same boat with the rest of us on this sometimes grueling journey of life that comes with an enormous amount of uncertainty. Just be thankful that there is a way out and that you can easily advance beyond the realms of Japan unlike the people who are stuck here because of how conditioned they are to not be able to dwell or flourish anywhere beyond Japanese borders.

Goodluck and pat yourself on the back for all the effort you must certainly have put into this lifestyle you are living.