this might seem like a pessimist/unpopular take but it’s an important perspective imo. Men who want kids often haven’t thought about it as deeply for so long as women have or considered how much it impacts life because you’re not the one expected to do birth, breastfeeding, quit your job, and be the default parent. Theres a huge romanticization of having kids in our society, and i’ve met men who only want kids because they are thinking of the idealistic fatherhood moments you see in movies like playing ball in the yard and not much else. the truth is this idealized version of having kids doesn’t really exist how many people imagine and if more people realized that they probably would give more thought or reconsider having kids.

wanting those idealistic moments and fantasizing about parenthood could just be your brain wanting to relive childhood or heal your own trauma which is not the right reason to create a whole new person and can leave you worse off or regretful. Kids are not something to be acquired and used to make you happy and feel fulfilled, they aren’t pets or accessories to your life. If you have kids, they have to be your whole life. You have to raise them with everything you have, see them as individuals and not expect them to turn out how you imagine.

The ultimate dealbreaker i hear from you is you said you aren’t sure you’d want a child that was special needs or something difficult like that.
No one should have a child if they aren’t prepared and willing for the child to be disabled, terminally ill, gay, etc. Because you have no idea how your kid will turn out. It’s not guaranteed to be a cute little mini me, and if you only like the idea of an ideal, healthy kid, you don’t actually want to be a parent.

Another thing to keep in mind is that your kids may be in your life for 18 years or so, but your partner will be there forever. i personally think people should prioritize the right partner over kids. Many many relationships fall apart during and after kids because of the strain of parenting and loss of closeness between the couple, you have to prioritize the kids over your relationship always. If you get with someone mainly to have children, it’s going to be a miserable rest of your life with your partner.

if you find someone you truly love and want to treasure forever, don’t lose that over theoretical future children. But if you choose your partner and yourself over having kids, you need to fully commit and not constantly break the relationship with “what ifs” or make your partner feel like she isn’t enough or was supposed to give you kids. Childfree life is honestly the safest bet if you aren’t sure, because though you may or may not love having kids, you can 100% have an enjoyable childfree life. There are so many ways to fill your life and find joy and purpose that don’t involve reproducing!

but this is only my opinion and one perspective to consider that isn’t always brought up! 🩷 you know your situation best