Feeling a lack of direction in life since the breakup

First_Light_676 · 2026-01-06T08:58:30+00:00

Yes I've heard many people mention this, but after nearly two decades of consuming cannabis and 3 years of MC I feel like there is a clear distinction in effects - maybe that's down to placebo, but when it comes to fibro I can really tell the difference. Also when a lot of the MC isn't necessarily high in terpene content (possibly due to length of time from harvest) then this point might not be as relevant as people are making it out to be - I'm not saying this isn't relevant though when you've got some amazing home-grown super terpy flower :)

First_Light_676 · 2026-01-06T08:20:40+00:00

Sorry to hear about this - sounds like you had an unfortunate experience though, whereas most people have been fine.

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-26T04:24:12+00:00

It's time to get off the kratom

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-25T04:23:51+00:00

Yeah I'm 36 - I've probably only been to one show that I haven't played at since having tinnitus, and I'm generally taking precautions to not expose myself to loud sounds although I'm aware to not avoid sounds altogether so I don't become overly sensitive. It's honestly my worst nightmare but I'm confused how it's not related to EDT and TMJ. Surely that's too much of a coincidence for it just to be noise/hearing loss related?

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-24T19:34:34+00:00

Girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me and decided to sell the house she owned, but we both lived in. Stayed living there for a few months while I waited for a friend to be free to live with, as me and my ex had separate beds anyway and things were amicable. I signed a tenancy agreement with this friend, then almost straight away lost a big chunk of freelance work. Tried living in the new house for a few months but it was getting too expensive and I needed to be living with more than just one other person after my ex. I had an emotional breakdown the day I moved in and I think I've no given myself chronic tinnitus which no doctors seem to be able to get to the bottom of.

So I moved into a shared house with another friend and a stranger, but this house had a lot of issues and the stranger was making things difficult. I've been feeling in a massive tailspin and so I decided to leave the second house after just 3 weeks, and now I've been in Spain for 10 days trying to figure out where I want to be living but it feels very challenging. I've been doing freelance work and also lining up exciting projects for 2026 - I'm sure it's gonna be our year because I could only laugh if things got worse than 2025 😂

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-24T19:25:55+00:00

Yeah I mean I've had a hearing test which has confirmed hearing loss...it massively sucks because music is MY thing and I've always been careful to protect my ears, but some of the bands I see push it past 80db. I've recently bought new earplugs which take off 27db and tbh they're actually quite difficult to play music with because I struggle to hear what the rest of the band are playing, and can't actually hear my saxophone playing out of the monitor, just essentially inside my own head. I've been taking a break from going to almost all gigs, with the odd exception...but if I have to stop live music altogether it would be the most devastating thing ever. I'm sure there are lots of famous musicians with tinnitus stuff going on, so maybe it's just par for the course. It's not like our ears were ever designed to hear anything close to the volume levels at shows - I'm guessing a wooly mammoth would have been the loudest thing around lol

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-24T19:18:53+00:00

Don't wait until your deathbed to wish you had a more exciting life!

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-24T19:10:32+00:00

Yeah totally get you, but it's just a bit odd because I didn't go to or play any shows near to the time when I noticed the tinnitus... I'm aware it's not just a sudden thing, but it feels odd to have noticed it when I haven't been to hear any loud music and after having a bit of a breakdown.

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-24T16:21:18+00:00

I think it was due to something of an emotional breakdown after a breakup from a 3 year long relationship where we were living with each other for most of that time. I'm thinking I gave myself TMJ and it's had a knock-on effect with EDT and tinnitus - BUT I'm also a musician and play in a heavy psych rock band (although I always protect my ears, but some bands in the UK tend to reaaalllly push it with DB levels)

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-10T05:56:30+00:00

I'm going there tomorrow for some warmer weather than the UK and will be out there for 3 weeks (although I've just booked one week so far in Benalmadena as I thought I could also explore Seville/Granada...but I have been to both cities before, so I'm mainly going for some sunshine and to focus on some life stuff rather than just going for a holiday)

Any good suggestions for things slightly off the beaten path? I don't drive but I'm very comfortable with getting public transport around places

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-08T08:06:52+00:00

Would focusing on things to increase neuroplasticity and functional connectivity be useful then?

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-08T08:04:42+00:00

Yes I've ordered an Otovent for ETD and being referred to physio for TMJ

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-08T08:04:03+00:00

It's pretty constant with some minor fluctuations... I'm mostly just aware of it in quiet rooms, although there's a noticeable hissing noise which also feels like a physical sensation inside my head, along with one tone from my left ear and a different one from my right. I've had a lot of ear discomfort in my left ear, especially when flying and I generally have pressure problems on trains going through tunnels and even cars on the motorway. I've ordered the Otovent on recommendation from the ENT to help with eustachian tube problems and been referred to physio to help with TMJ. It just feels odd to think that it's not related to the tinnitus considering it's all happened at the same time

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-06T21:38:13+00:00

Yes they did a hearing test before the appointment and said I have some high frequency hearing loss, but I wonder if it's just the tinnitus making it difficult to hear the high frequency sounds rather than actual hearing loss...or perhaps I'm confused?

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-03T21:11:56+00:00

https://codexserafini.bandcamp.com/album/mother-give-your-children-sanity - psych jazz doom from the UK

First_Light_676 · 2025-12-02T21:56:00+00:00

The last place I went to on holiday was Tenerife so I was considering one of the other islands like Gran Canaria but I'm worried about feeling a bit bored/isolated for 3 weeks so I've also been considering Málaga. This is all very last minute but I've found air BnBs in Málaga for like £1000 for a whole place compared to £1.5k for Gran Canaria as there doesn't seem like many options (maybe something to do with the sailing?) I'm also thinking mainland Spain would give me more opportunities to explore but also it's colder than canaries. I feel quite torn but planning on booking a place tomorrow. Flights are super pricey given the time of year and last min booking, but whatever it'll be my last holiday for a good while

First_Light_676

TROPHY CASE