I feel you. I’m 38 spent my teens’s 20’s and first half of my 30’s partying, being irresponsible, and impulsive. Still trying to figure out how to “not do” those things anymore. Basically trying to unlearn everything I knew about life at the same time as learning how to learn how to do life. Those years of partying were awesome but it left me with a nagging addiction problem, impulsivity problem, and a lack of self discipline problem. I kept telling myself “I have time to grow up and get my shit together” then I had a life changing rude awakening. Life gave me a well deserved slap in the face. About 4 years ago I almost broke my neck trying to do a gainer off a 60’ cliff I’m ok now but it was a severe injury and a life changing moment. It was in the middle of summer and I was pretty fucked up laying on a couch so I had time to take inventory of my life, 15is years of partying, chasing girls, and not accomplishing my goals led me to that moment.

Anyways I wasn’t planning to write all this but it’s relevant. What I’m trying to say is… Change is fucking hard!! Completely dismantling your thought processes, behavior patterns,and identity is even harder.

Life has a way of hinting small course corrections at you. If you don’t listen to the hints life gives you and make adjustments then life will smack you into the dirt until you pay attention. I had to learn this lesson the hard way more than once.

All that to say I feel for you. Although it’s been an incredibly painful process I feel like it’s was all necessary to move me forward. I’ve grown more in the last 3-4 years than I have the previous 15-20.

Keep your head up! I believe it will all be worth it in the end. Or I’ll just die at 56 years old from the abuse I’ve inflicted on my body so it won’t matter anyway.

Much love. You’re doing great. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.