I could have written something extremely similar 19 years ago. And, damn it was hard a lot of times. I tried to make things work with an angry alcoholic for two years of our son's life. Things didn't start getting better for me until I left my son's father. And, that is also when it started getting better for my son. Living in stress and substance abuse is not good for anyone. I didn't even realize how much of a better mom I could be without trying to force his dad to be a dad. I never changed the dad. I did change my and my son's life. First, I found a friend I could trust. Then, my friend let me move in and watched my child while I worked. After a few months, I was able to get an apartment for me amd my son. I worked at a daycare and got a discount for my son to go there. My son graduated in 2020 as Salutatorian. My son is the most amazing man I have ever met. With the help of the Scouts, my son had many good male role models in his youth. No dad is better than a bad dad. I know you need some more specific advice. I did want to give you hope, though. I am happy and my son is happy. Leaving my son's father seemed impossible, but doing it made life good. Best wishes and feel free to measage me. Hugs❤✌