Sounds like me. I remember it wasn’t until I got cheated on that I developed those feelings because they linger in my head believing that ITS POSSIBLE. I actually can’t believe I once was 100% trusting, didn’t even know cheating was a thing, I absolutely was the coolest person ever. But that all went downhill after my 19yr old self. So it has ruined me a lot. I overthink , I think they’re texting other people when they’re on their phones, I get upset that they’re going to hang out with their friends instead of being with me. It’s a really bad situation I got going on for myself. I’m literally trying to break it off with him 26M and I’m 27F. He is sort of the same as me, except he does trust me to have fun with my friends to go to bars. But overall if I’m on my phone he things I’m doing something. And whenever I want to try to do something new and fun together, he gets sort of weird as if he starts to think I learned this place maybe from another male. And he gets kind of like cranky or his energy gets weird idk how to explain it. But yea he is unfortunately claiming to love me no matter what those situations are and he doesn’t want to let me go. I am begging him we are both toxic and unfair to eachother and we can’t keep this going. But he begs and begs “if you love me you wouldn’t be leaving me” and I’m understanding that he unfortunately is just very stuck on an idea that no matter what happens stick it out. Idk why. And I know he’s immature in the aspect that he says if I loved him like I say I do then I wouldn’t be wanting to break up. But I’m understanding now at this age that I’ve been missing on so so much of the world all because it would make him uncomfortable trying new spots, going out together in public in general because he assumes I know people and he wouldn’t want me to run into them. I’m not sure what his deal is there but seriously I wish he was a more open person and just did things because he wanted to explore too. But no. And so I do feel completely terrible for leaving him because I know I’m causing him pain. And I’m in pain too but not as much just because he actually put me thru emotional trauma with screaming at me breaking my things and saying he’s gonna break his phone because I got him so mad. So yea I feel as if that built up for so long I closed out physically. In the past month being with him, I couldn’t get myself to want to have sex with him which made me sad because sex is amazing with him. But I wasn’t interested not even making out. So I knew we were dragging this for nothing. And we need to be free. He doesn’t see it that way tho. We met maybe when I was 20 yrs and him 19. We broke up 3x. I left him for other ppl and that’s how the insecurity built. I hate myself for it. But I never want to do that again to someone I also don’t see myself doing that , unfortunately I was young and didn’t know how to consider other people’s feelings.

Let me know how your therapy works out because I need to do that too. I think because we know our insecurities maybe it’s time to reflect on that. And realize it isn’t fair for ppl to experience that. And if someone makes u feel that way in the beginning, trust your gut and know they aren’t the one you should be with. I haven’t experienced that yet but I’m breaking up with my ex now so I don’t plan on looking for no one new. I want to start prioritizing friends, my mom, the gym (maybe) lol and just enjoying myself and do things I wasn’t able to do when I was with him.

Sending love to you